A Guide to Elegant Madness

Updated every other day, at 9 a.m. or 9 p.m. Updates at other times are just typo fixes.

I, Bai Ding, walk the night roads. I neither provoke demons nor summon gods.

My name isn't on the Investiture of the Gods, so don't come looking for me when calamity strikes.

An elegant, suit-wearing thug who scavenges × a sweet, seemingly naive young officer who plays the pig to eat the tiger [Both have only ever loved each other]

(Proud, forthright, and overly upright older man × gentle, resilient, gloomy, and sensitive younger man)

> This world is sick, but people haven't stopped fighting back. Stay elegant, express your anger, and remember this chant: classic, hilarious, mad, even madder.

Question: How do you scavenge elegantly?

Qiao Yuwen: Wear a suit.

Question: Why scavenge?

Qiao Yuwen: I hate seeing the world destroyed for any reason. If you truly love people, build a world that loves them. Scavenge the broken world to make way for one filled with flowers.

> Anomalous event scenario loading...

Welcome to [Industrial Wasteland]!

Humanity escaped the apocalypse with the help of ancient gods' technology and came to a green wasteland. Fearing the civilization of the Sun God in the primeval forest, people settled in a corner of the continent. Divine miracles appeared once more, and after two rounds of pioneering, humanity finally won the war in the forest and established a new human settlement.

A new human civilization rose in the wasteland.

But the new wasteland's population is a complicated mix. Gods reign supreme, anomalies are everywhere, and winged people, immortals, humans, and monsters coexist. Everyone has entered adventure mode. In this technologically advanced wasteland, only the [Cloud System] can protect you at any time.

But they say there's another kind of System, one that can only be found by chance.

> Disaster from the start!

When Qiao Yuwen, the young master of the Qiao family, was born, the sky was already falling. Before his birth, his parents had adopted seven children. They had high hopes for him and prayed he'd awaken an invincible System.

After a year, his parents could still manage a smile.

After two, then three years, they went out with his older siblings and left him behind.

Six years passed, and the real young master of the Qiao family had all but ceased to exist.

Then, at age seven, his life went completely off the rails.

He opened the bathroom door. His eldest brother was on the toilet again without locking it. He heard him say, "Come out on your own." No response. "I'll give you a million. Get out of my ass."

Qiao Yuwen quietly shut the door. This was the [Domineering CEO Constipation System].

He turned and met his second brother's eyes. His brother adjusted his glasses, blushing with delight.

"Big Brother hasn't pooped this hard in ages. There must be a high-grade diamond coming out."

This was the [Suave Scoundrel Merchant System].

His third brother crawled out of a tent, dark circles under his eyes, and shouted, "Seven enemy attacks in one night! I held them all off!"

His fourth brother, dressed in white and holding a compass, said coldly, "That was Big Brother taking seven shits in one night and keeping my Sadako trapped in the toilet."

These were the [Living War God System] and the [Ghost-Hunting Cultivator System].

His fifth brother stuck a claw out of a wormhole. "Have you seen my golden Christmas beetle girl? She's dangerous and alluring!"

This was the [Interstellar Heartthrob System].

Qiao Yuwen tried to work hard and stand up to all the System Hosts despite being a good-for-nothing. But his sixth sister had already read his mind, finished his homework ahead of time, and slammed it down in front of him. "If you got another chance, you'd still be worthless."

This was the [Reborn Mind-Reading System].

Humiliated, Qiao Yuwen could only run to his seventh sister's hospital room and cry. He accidentally pulled out her IV line, and all six siblings rushed over and kicked him out of the Qiao family.

This was the [Sickly Darling System].

"Everyone has a golden finger except me! What's wrong with there being one person without one?"

Twenty years later, while scavenging, Qiao Yuwen dug up a flying skeleton. "Would you like this golden System, this silver System, or this ordinary treasure-appraisal System?"

Crying, Qiao Yuwen took the treasure-appraisal System and, following its prompts, dug up five bodies.

"System, are you sure?"

"System prompt: Mission complete. Reward: a pair of silver handcuffs."

"Environmental Safety Bureau enforcement. You're under arrest." The invisible Zhu Wuyu had just landed a first-class merit, and now he'd been caught red-handed.

> Help! How do you explain to an ordinary cop which end of a mermaid is the fish?

Qiao Yuwen was thrown in jail. Nobody believed him when he told the truth, but a beautiful man came to his rescue, and now he wants to be my boyfriend!!! Is he actually my true love???

Possibly my final fantasy before I starve to death scavenging...

> How do you recognize your secret crush without blowing your cover?

The unscrupulous, immoral, and morally ambiguous boss of the cleanup squad has returned to his youth, only to become a principled, responsible, intensely possessive merchant of trash whom everyone hates!

His long-suffering subordinates can't believe it. After testing him every which way, they finally make up their minds: this time, they'll walk the road with him all over again.

Then their boss's younger self ends up covered in wounds, licking them alone and hissing at everyone. They'll have to use a beauty trap on him!

Our side sends out a beautiful general. In this world, Zhu Wuyu is just an ordinary little fishing big shot. He may fail to catch fish, but he can't fail to catch Qiao Yuwen; he may never make it ashore, but he can't fail to climb aboard Qiao Yuwen; he may go without fish, but he can't waste a single bite of Qiao Yuwen.

As for why... Obviously, it's to punish that heartless bastard by really giving him the business*** (I've been muted.)

> Pisces CP: This world is absurd, but I love you normally, properly, and openly.

Zhu Wuyu: I've been fishing for so long. You finally like me.

Qiao Yuwen: I like you, openly and honestly. I won't love you in circles, or use this world's twisted rules as proof.

> Both their secret identities are exposed.

No matter who you are or how insignificant others think you are, I'll always remember you're my treasure.

I'll walk this road with you. You won't be alone again.

> The legendary rise of a good-for-nothing junk merchant! A supernova of excitement! The most "insanely elegant" cleanup squad in the stars is at your service!!!

I only wanted to scavenge and lie flat, but somehow I ended up in space.

The raptors return to the [Nest], all spirits return to the [Ring], and the true master has come back.

Watching his homeworld recede into the distance, Qiao Yuwen thought for the ten-thousand-and-whateverth time that the world couldn't possibly get any crazier. Could even a demon create a utopia?

No, I just wanted to scavenge... Fine. If the world is sick, then let's cure it. If it can't be cured, we'll flatten it and give junk a chance to become treasure.

1. A wasteland world filled with anomalies.

2. Humans, gods, immortals, and monsters coexist, and everyone awakens a System.

3. The story takes place in a world where people choose their partners freely. There is no objectification based on gender. The plot centers on the romantic relationship between the two male leads. They are each other's only partners, with no third party. The ensemble cast has a balanced number of male and female characters, and all orientations are treated equally. Please don't read if this bothers you.

4. Both protagonists are human.

5. The worldbuilding is vast, with countless original additions. If you encounter a trope you dislike, please skip it or leave to avoid getting upset.

6. Everything in this novel is fictional and unrelated to reality.

For my upcoming novel, see My Top Sales Record in the Underworld.

> Synopsis

A salesman who can talk the dead back to life is forced to complete 100 "soul sales contracts" in the underworld. His final client is the lover he once loved, who has lost his memories.

When I remember you again, when you remember me again, we'll part ways at the Bridge of Helplessness.

>

Jiang Feng was helping a client catch her cheating boyfriend on a rainy night. The rain was even heavier than the day Yiping went to beg her father, and the two of them got into a car accident.

The underworld guide told Jiang Feng that since he'd lied every day in the living world, he was headed to the Hell of Tongue-Ripping. Jiang Feng argued and pleaded until he got himself a chance at heaven. After hearing his pitch, the guide decided to put him to work in the underworld instead.

"Stay in the underworld and work in sales. It's right up your alley. Help 100 souls reincarnate, and you'll get a chance to start over."

Jiang Feng made a name for himself in the underworld. He pretended to be a sexy mom to help an orphaned soul reincarnate, turned into a curly-haired puppy to guide a blind old man toward a new life, helped a girl who died in a fire have her wedding, and became a fox to carry a cub across the Bridge of Helplessness...

At last, it was time for the hundredth soul who refused to reincarnate. To his surprise, it was someone he knew.

Pu Tingjian had lost his memories in a car accident. Ignorant of the truth, he refused to sign the Book of Life and Death.

The underworld, which put souls first, promised to fulfill Pu Tingjian's wish so he could reincarnate in peace. The task fell to Jiang Feng.

Jiang Feng helped Pu Tingjian gather clues that might restore his memories. A diary let him get to know the man he'd sweet-talked into a mess, and what he never expected was that much of the diary was about himself.

Jiang Feng stared at his own indecent sketches, his brow twitching. "Did I really ask you to draw me like this?"

"Yeah. Draw it again and I'm sure I'll remember."

"You're sure you'll remember?"

"Would a top salesman really fail at this?"

The top salesman clutched a bath towel and struck an awkward pose. "Fine, I'll draw it! Make it realistic. I don't want to leave behind a scandalous history when I reincarnate!"

Theme: Turning trash into treasure