A Hilarious Tale of Yokohama

The player, Yuri Kairi, is a magical girl, but not a traditional one. She's not connected to that one healing series, that one depressing series, or that one desire-driven series. The player likes to grab a hoe and whack red-name enemies while everyone looks on in shock. You dare to ambush me? Eat my hoe! You dare to ruin my land? I'll send you to hell! You dare to make fun of my height? Take my Strong Armstrong Cyclotron Armstrong Cannon! After a storm of explosions, Yokohama finally achieved nuclear peace. A certain man with the surname Dazai asks: Yuan Fang, what do you think about people gossiping behind your back? A certain Yuri tosses her hair: As the saying goes, a reputation travels far and can be good or bad. The past is the past, and now I'm a pervert. If you can't stand me, try taking me out. But I love how pathetic you look, wanting to kill me and being unable to. Hahahaha! A certain man with the surname Nakahara asks: Why do you keep stealing my card with that bastard Dazai?! A certain Yuri holds a rose between her lips: Little Chuuya, I actually respect money. I didn't steal it or rob anyone. I don't have any money. The thorns prick her, and she makes a regretful exit. A certain perverted, evil-hearted black-market doctor, a bald old man with terminal loli syndrome and the surname Mori, asks: Why don't you get a partner? (Please, stop causing trouble for the Port and Yokohama.) Yuri looks disgusted: If I want a coat, I have the looks. If I want to make a fool of myself, I have the face for it. If I want a medical record, I have the qualifications. I've got no hemorrhoids but plenty of brains, and when it comes to conversation, I can spit. You couldn't win me over with just a million or two. You'd be better off looking for a male model. A certain bespectacled office worker: ... Yuri: Ahhh, damn that melancholy beauty! Just look at that alluring mole at the corner of his mouth! Look at those drooping outer eye corners (he'd be absolutely bOKi when he cries)! He's even a snarky straight man! Damn, isn't he the wife I've never met before? My kinks just got hammered a few times. Listen closely, that's the sound of my heart fluttering! Come on, don't be shy. Give me a kiss, mwah~ A certain bespectacled office worker: Dazai! Mr. Oda! Come save me! A certain man with the surname Dazai: Ango looks like he's enjoying himself! Oda, let's get out of here~ A certain man named Oda: Mm. A certain bespectacled office worker reaches out like a melodramatic TV character: No!!! A certain Yuri: Slurp. Come on, pretty boy, just give in to me, hahahaha! Please note: 1. The story includes the pairings Dazai and Chuuya, Akutagawa and Atsushi, and the romantic pairing of Yuri Kairi and Sakaguchi Ango. (Yes, pay attention to who's on top and who's on the bottom, hehe.) 2. There's a "childbirth" pairing in the story, but don't worry, no one's actually having a baby! A certain Yuri creates one out of thin air with some weird babbling, a chant about clapping hands, and a little game of "you clap once, I clap once"!!! 3. The story contains a lot of internet memes. If you can't stand them, run away as soon as possible!!! 4. There may be some strange crossovers, so brace yourself. Theme: The setting belongs to that old rascal Asagiri, the OOC belongs to me.