Banging My Head Against a Wall

When Shen Mingzhu was ten, her mother died. Her father wanted to remarry and treated her like a burden, dumping her at her maternal grandmother's home.

Fortunately, her mother's cousin had been close to her mother and couldn't bear to leave her all alone, so she took her to the Xie family in the capital.

The first time Shen Mingzhu set foot in the capital, beneath its glazed tiles and profusion of flowers, she saw her handsome, elegant cousin, Xie Qinglin.

She stared at him in a daze, almost believing she was looking at an immortal.

For the next five years, Shen Mingzhu did her utmost to learn everything her cousin liked. He loved noble orchids and elegant clothes, and his favorite drink was fresh tea picked before Qingming.

She most liked bringing him a cup of tea and an orchid-embroidered handkerchief while he practiced swordsmanship, calling him "Cousin."

Xie Qinglin was clever and studious, accomplished in both the literary and martial arts. There was just one thing that bothered him: at fifteen, he met an irritating pest.

That girl copied everything he did, yet she was so clumsy and stupid that she only learned the surface of things. She pretended to be refined, but was just a poser.

Worse still, his mother doted on her so much that the girl really thought she was a young lady of the official class. She even fancied she could marry him. Ridiculous.

He, Xie Qinglin, would never marry a woman like her, someone with barely a pretty face and no mind of her own.

Later, he placed first in the imperial examinations. The pest got into a heated argument with a proper young lady from an official family over some trivial matter, while the other scholars covered their mouths and laughed, calling her his child bride.

He turned cold and said something cruel.

His words were so harsh that Shen Mingzhu stood alone, trembling like a leaf, unable to say a word in her defense.

So Cousin really did hate her.

Her aunt treated her well, but cared even more about her son's prospects. She had said that if Shen Mingzhu wanted, once her cousin was married, she could take her in as a concubine.

She really was an irritating pest. Xie Qinglin was drowning in official duties, yet whenever he awoke from a dream, he found himself thinking of Shen Mingzhu's disbelieving eyes.

They were full of tears, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. She looked utterly shattered, yet forced herself to stay standing.

Later, the pest packed up the things she had brought with her and didn't take a single item from the Xie family, including the jade bracelet he'd bought for his mother. It had turned out to be too small, so he'd had no choice but to give it to her.

It really had been too small. The pest had been young when she put it on, and when she took it off, the only way was to break it. She wrapped the pieces in a handkerchief and returned every last one to him.

Later still, Shen Mingzhu was to be married.

The gentleman praised by everyone in the capital as upright as jade, the top scholar appointed by the emperor, the young master of the aristocratic Xie family, Xie Qinglin, threw away his future and disregarded every rule, asking only that she not marry someone else.

#I would never marry you

#I could marry anyone, but it won't be you

Blurb written: 2024.08.18

Revised: 2024.12.03

The main story takes precedence.

Coming soon: the historical romance pursuit-after-the-breakup novel Regretting What We Lost

Shiwei's rescued husband is as handsome as an orchid and as eloquent as can be, making everyone who had been waiting to see the poor orphan make a fool of herself green with envy.

She treasures him as her only family in the world. The wild ginseng she'd planned to trade for farmland is all exchanged for medicine to treat his injuries. But for some reason, her husband is determined to return to the capital, and Shiwei doesn't know what to do.

The woman next door tells her that if she has a child, she'll have the man firmly in her grasp. Late one night, Shiwei pins him down on the new bamboo bed. She has no idea what she's doing and kisses him a few times in a clumsy rush. Satisfied, she tries to leave, but he catches her by the waist, eyes red.

Pei Junluo is the crown prince, born of the empress. He is skilled in both civil and military affairs, virtuous and talented, and as wise and discerning as the court officials hope. If nothing goes wrong, he is destined to ascend the throne.

Yet this very man falls into a deep ravine and is held to his debt by a country girl.

He watches coldly as the girl rushes around taking care of him, sneering at the crude things she offers. How could a woman like that ever deserve a nobleman of the royal family like him?

She is an orphan with neither a distinguished family nor a proper education. Calling him "Husband" at every turn, she has thrown every bit of propriety and shame to the wind.

When her warm touch brushes his lips in the dead of night, Pei Junluo's brow twitches. Does this woman really not understand, or is she pretending?

He grits his teeth and breathes in the delicate fragrance by his nose, then sighs. Fine. She did save his life, after all.

Once he returns to the Eastern Palace, he can make an exception and keep her by his side as a concubine. For a woman of Shiwei's status, that will more than repay his debt. Anything beyond that is just her delusion.

But later, one night, when Shiwei is about to blow out the lamp, she sees the peerlessly noble man already lying in her bed. With stubborn resolve, he says he'll repay her life-saving kindness by giving himself to her.

Later still, Shiwei's husband says he has to go home for a while, then vanishes without a trace.

Shiwei waits a long time. All she receives is a thick stack of banknotes and a letter telling her to forget everything.

So the man had been the crown prince all along. No wonder he looked down on her.

Her lips tremble, but she doesn't say a word or shed a tear.

Why waste the effort? All she wanted was a home.

There are already so many people in this world who have deceived Shiwei. One more doesn't make much difference.

A lively tavern opens in the capital. Shiwei smiles as she works her abacus and looks over the young men from Jinling gathered outside, wondering if she ought to pick one of them to be her husband. Then a crowd suddenly scatters like startled birds.

The new emperor's carriage has stopped outside.

The new emperor, who ought to be seated on the throne, clenches his fingers beneath his dark robes. His expression is murderous, but his voice is full of helpless longing.

"Shiwei, don't look at them."

Please, just look at me, all right?

#The main story takes precedence

Theme: Love can help people overcome every hardship.