Aspiring to Become a Magical Hokage

[Coming soon: “Illumi, Why Are You Everyone’s Big Brother?!” “The Scumbag Demon King Becomes a Woodcutter Streamer,” and “How Did My Konoha Turn into a Dump?” All are no-pairing stories.]

This story pairs Hashirama and Madara. It takes inspiration from “I Want to Be a Magical Girl.” You know the drill. (P.S. Madara mostly serves as the straight man for the jokes, since his commentary makes things more dramatic. In reality, both are protagonists, but Hashirama calls the shots, so it’s tagged as top-focused.)

Important: Not recommended for readers who aren’t comfortable with chaotic, morally gray content. You’re on your own if this catches you off guard.

Synopsis:

After the Fourth Great Ninja War, the notorious villain Madara closes his eyes, opens them, and discovers he’s back in the past.

He’s holding a leaf, standing shoulder to shoulder with an old friend at the edge of a cliff.

Madara: This scene feels familiar... Next, we should be naming the Hokage, right?

A wave of nostalgia washes over him. He glances to the side, and sure enough, his familiar old friend gazes into the distance and delivers that classic line:

“A super-popular magical ninja with amazing magical powers and an incredible combat style, a shining beacon who leads the entire ninja world, the brightest star in any crowd... How about we call him ‘Hokage’?”

Madara: ...?

Madara: ???

Madara: *cosmic cat.jpg*

Buddy, are you speaking the language of the Land of Fire?

No, seriously, where the hell have you brought me? Is this even still our country?

Huh???

...Well, since we’re here, I’ll just have to take things as they come.

Madara soon realizes that something is off about the entire ninja world.

First, the average combat ability of ninjas has improved dramatically. But for some reason, before battle they now have to go through a step called “transformation” (apparently he has one too), and afterward they’re all dressed in gaudy, impractical outfits.

Then there are the strange, pitch-black creatures suddenly roaming the world. They’re supposedly sent by enemies from some organization of darkness, and usually look like slime monsters, tentacle monsters, or worm monsters. (Madara thinks they all look a lot like Black Zetsu.)

There’s also a strange flying creature calling itself a “manager.” It says it only follows the most popular magical ninjas, so it came specifically to recruit Madara for a live-streamed Anti-Demon Ninja team. (Of course he turned it down... and for some reason, he thinks this thing looks a little like Black Zetsu too.)

Finally, even though all of that sounds completely ridiculous, none of it is the main thing Madara cares about. His only real concern is this:

“Hashirama... what are you doing with your Wood Release?”

The person he called out to is directing Wood Release to produce a mass of plant fibers, which are weaving themselves together like living things. “Huh? Just making your clothes and accessories for your transformation, like I usually do?”

“...? I thought the clothes ninjas wear when they transform just appear automatically...?”

“That’s usually how it works,” Hashirama says, looking unusually troubled. “But for some reason, even though you can use ninjutsu normally, Madara, you just can’t transform. So I had to make you clothes with a bit of life of their own, ones that can change shape automatically depending on the situation!”

“They can even keep you company when I’m not around. You’ve always liked them, haven’t you?”

Madara: ...?

Madara: ???

Madara: *cosmic cat.jpg*

...This world is terrifying.

In every sense of the word.

Warnings:

1. The setting is a totally, totally unhinged magical ninja world... and I mean that literally. (You’ve probably already spotted a lot of things, like shapeshifters, Anti-Demon Ninjas, live streaming, and tentacle outfits...)

2. The protagonist is Hashirama, a deranged weirdo with terrible hobbies, a terrible personality, and terrible methods (Magical Hashirama ☆ Mushroom Wonderland, Magic ☆ Hashirama ☆ Fungus·NeverLand), along with his sensible best friend Madara (Magical Madara ☆ Messiah Complex, Magic ☆ Madara ☆ Fanaticl·Messiah), who died in a normal ninja world and arrived here not long ago.

3. Please read the synopsis carefully. Please, please read it carefully. If you get caught off guard because you didn’t read it, that’s not my problem. (I’ll delete any insults.)

4. Despite the premise, this is still being published on JJ, so there won’t be any genuinely over-the-top content. Use your imagination, and please keep your comments within reason.

Theme: Protect love and peace.