Because of a prophecy from the god of death, Dog emerged from the world of the dead, crossed the Atlantic, climbed onto British soil, and applied for the position of Hogwarts' Dark Magic professor.
Albus Dumbledore: Come on, Dog, repeat after me. Defence Against the Dark Arts, defence... Never mind. How much do you want for your salary?
Dog: I don't want money, Albus. Hurry up and get back together with Gellert!
Albus Dumbledore: Sigh. Getting old really does make your hearing go. I could've sworn I heard a corpse talking. I must have imagined it.
The previous Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor ended up in the hospital, but no matter. The all-capable Headmaster Dumbledore soon hired a replacement. Second-year Harry Potter, however, pessimistically suspected that the professor wouldn't last until the end of term before succumbing to a curse. Judging by the dozen or so vicious curses the new professor cast at the Sorting Hat, his proper destination was Azkaban. Years later, at the wedding of the old Headmaster Harry Potter, Dog winked at him. Harry smiled back and began praying to Merlin that everyone would make it out the door with their sanity intact, even though they already looked so traumatized they might as well be dead.
Sorting Hat: Let us warmly welcome His Highness, the Prince of Slytherin, the Scarlet Demon, the flying-broomstick charm, the great Dog, who reigns over his loyal Hogwarts!!!
Dog: Stop, stop! Who didn't have a cringey phase? Ugh... But you, Tom, haven't you been in your cringey phase for way too long?
Voldemort: I personally ended more than a hundred lives with Avada Kedavra.
Dog: Hmm, not bad. I have to admit you're better than me at that. But what about yesterday?
Voldemort: ?
If you think you're a dog, you should see a therapist. Dog, however, thinks being a dog is great.
1. Dog isn't literally a dog, but he really is a dog.
2. Dog isn't a good person, but he's a good dog.
3. The couples are GGAD and GGSS. The rest depends on how things go. As for the protagonist... Would anyone actually fall in love with a dog?
4. Spell references are from D&D. Dog's combat ability is as reassuring as his mental state.
5. Slight (??) cosmic horror, but cute and not scary.
6. Yep, there's a little FGO in here too. If you know, you know.
7. Dog has no blood relation to Slytherin. That list of titles from the Sorting Hat means the same thing as "Weasley Is Our King."
8. A silly mom opens the door for silly, and the silly comes all the way home.
Theme: All mortals must die.
Gouzi's age span is so big. How come he knows Salazar, Malfoy's great-grandfather, and Dumbledore (sounds very familiar, like a commoner). Has he been to school many times?
Salazar laughed at Gryffindor! Diligence and Gryffindor in one sentence Salazar: laughable
Will it lead to depression if it explores other people's brains?
When Neville thought he had triggered some taboo and started to panic, Gouzi was just thinking about what this was. Poor boy
Of course she wouldn't. The dead don't know about the living, just like the snake's companions don't see the snake again.
So Gouzi is from the Hogwarts Legacy generation? Gunter? Wait, how did he know the Big Four? Senior Malfoy's description is very touching. But to Draco it would have sounded like "Your grandpa's grandpa whipped me with a riding crop, guess what I'm going to hit you with?"
Why does the dog have this magical power that reminds Harry of his mother? (Confused) Is it some special effect brought about by the return of the dead to the world?
Red hair, think of Weasley, red eyes, eh, Voldemort? But he doesn't know parspeak, has eaten Helga's food, and is called Dumbledore Albus, but he is called Senior Malfoy. I really can't guess at all, he looks like Godric but not quite like him, Gouzi, the enigmatic protagonist!
What is Salazar? I don't feel like a human being from the beginning. This eating habit ()
Ah, did Salazar choose immortality? But the price is losing his companions