I Drove the Entire Entertainment Industry Crazy

[Read with caution: this story is completely unhinged, and I was pretty unhinged while writing it too.] Lin Qingxing is a fresh graduate who cosplays as a corpse pretending to be human. After dying suddenly while writing his thesis, he transmigrates into the body of the real young master everyone hates. System: You need to solve... Lin Qingxing remains perfectly calm. "Once I punch the Earth and knock out every problem, they'll all be solved." System: ...Oh no. I think I've bonded with a lunatic. The fake young master, little white lotus Song Yu, says, "Brother, Mom and Dad can't live without me. You've always been the one they hate." Lin Qingxing goes berserk on the spot, crawling around in the shadows before slapping the fake young master across the face. (What's this?) (Dumbass.) (Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms.) His scumbag dad raises a hand. "Hit your brother again and I'll beat you." Lin Qingxing turns around and slaps his scumbag dad right back. "I'm a college student. I get to hit first." Scumbag dad & fake young master: ...Lin Qingxing has gone crazy. His idol groupmate and the groupmate's fans make snide remarks about him. Lin Qingxing goes off and spills the tea: "Fans of your precious oppa, rejoice! You've got a sister-in-law. Your oppa's been sneaking around behind her back, being both a top and a bottom, and playing with four-person love." His antis vote to send him onto an S+ variety show. The show's main attraction: a shameless production team playing all sorts of pranks on celebrities, who then tear into one another. On the show, the director tells Lin Qingxing to reflect on himself. Lin Qingxing: "I examine myself three times a day. Was I too polite? Did I make you think you could get away with that? Should I have hit you?" A guest picks a fight with Lin Qingxing. Lin Qingxing: "Here's a quick guide to ducks: Donald Duck, Psyduck, Peking duck. And..." The guest bashfully interrupts, "I know! And whether you like me or not!" Lin Qingxing: "And I'll ducking run you over." Guest: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ A month after Lin Qingxing joins the show, his antis are full of confidence: Has Lin Qingxing learned his lesson yet? Everyone: Report: Lin Qingxing has become the father of the Buddhist scion of Beijing's elite. A real Sichuanese dad, ready to expose anyone who crosses him. The whole entertainment industry trembles. Either they join Lin Qingxing in going crazy, or he drives them crazy. Passersby are so obsessed with the scandals he exposes that they become fans. Antis: ... Lin Qingxing goes around losing it and exposing scandals, but still hasn't been banned. Everyone starts speculating that he has powerful connections. Lin Qingxing smiles. "Getting banned takes longer than killing myself. It's not that I have nowhere to go. I've still got one last road: the road to death." His antis breathe a sigh of relief. At least Lin Qingxing hasn't been secretly living the good life behind their backs. Later, all kinds of top tycoons compete to claim Lin Qingxing as their son. Haters: Lin Qingxing, you played me. And this is what you call having no connections? On the show, Lin Qingxing slaps the Best Actor, Jiang Chengyun. His antis are thrilled: The Jiang family and Jiang Chengyun will never let him get away with this. But then the aloof Best Actor takes Lin Qingxing's hand, looking like a lovesick fool. "Baby, give me another one." The Best Actor's father, a business tycoon: "Xingxing, you can hit my son, but you can't hit me too, okay?" His antis lose it again: Are they all part of Lin Qingxing's play? An outwardly aloof but secretly lovesick Best Actor gong VS a beautiful, deranged shou who goes crazy at the slightest provocation A completely unrestrained, bonkers story. -------------Coming soon: Raising a Cannon Fodder Toddler on a Parenting Variety Show, Where He Lies Flat and Gets Spoiled by Everyone. Please add it to your favorites~ 1. Yu Qingling, a three-year-old born to be a wage slave, dies and transmigrates into a book as a newborn baby. Right after he's born, he sees a line of on-screen comments. [Such a pretty baby. Is he really going to get splashed with sulfuric acid after the villainous Qin family goes bankrupt?] Yu Qingling keeps a straight little face. "Oh nooo." Looks like he's become some kind of cannon fodder. 2. Yu Nian is a famous pretty face in the entertainment industry. One night, he sleeps with Qin Fuyuan, CEO of the Qin Group, and gets pregnant. Yu Nian plans to take it easy, marry into a wealthy family, and climb the social ladder. The baby's birth brings a string of on-screen comments with it. [These father and son never got to enjoy a moment of good fortune. They died so thoroughly that there was no coming back, and they even ended up saddled with enormous debts before they died.] Yu Nian: "..." Good news: he's climbed the social ladder. Bad news: he's gone from the working class to the debt class. Yu Nian promptly grabs the baby and runs. Yu Qingling: My little dad is helping me defy fate! (★ ω ★) Father and son reach an agreement: they absolutely will not seek out their bad-luck big dad, and they won't become two more unlucky fools. But when Yu Qingling turns three, Qin Fuyuan, who's been searching for his wife and child all along, catches them both in one fell swoop. Yu Qingling: Big Dad changed my fate right back again ╥﹏╥... The plot can't be changed, so father and son return to their true natures, let loose, and start lying flat. 4. Qin Fuyuan can't understand why his wife and child are avoiding him. To win them back, he signs up for a parenting variety show to bond with them. On the show, the other kids cheer on their parents, hoping they'll come in first in the challenges. But Yu Qingling lies flat with Yu Nian, cuddles a pillow, and invites his hapless little dad to sleep: "A person is bound to sleep sometime, so let's sleep today, Daddy." Yu Nian lies down. "Sure." Qin Fuyuan: "..." Qin Fuyuan thinks they're both lazybones, but he's also relieved. With both the big one and the little one so lazy, surely they can't live without him. But when he turns around, he sees that Yu Nian and Yu Qingling have become an internet sensation as the Capybara Father and Son, thanks to their perfect attitude of "living is fine, but dying would be better." The whole internet wants to help him raise his child and look after his wife. Even the rival workaholic kid from the show holds his precious son's hand and asks, "Uncle Qin, can Qingqing come home with me?" Qin Fuyuan confirms there's no one behind him. The rival workaholic kid says, "I'll raise Qingqing and teach him to do his homework." The lazy Yu Qingling takes a few steps backward. "...Y-you, don't come any closer!" Yu Qingling promptly hides in Big Dad's arms. "Daddy, hurry, let's go home! The baby doesn't want the cheese to hit his head!" Qin Fuyuan: "..." His kid seems to want to be illiterate. Never mind, he'd better put in some effort himself. At least he can make sure his kid becomes a rich and powerful illiterate. The baby's romance (childhood friends) starts when they're adults: an obedient, affectionate omega who raises his lazy fish and doesn't want him to get off the couch VS a workaholic alpha boy with a top-of-the-class obsession The parents' romance (□□): a business tycoon alpha who knows how to raise a child VS a famously controversial, capybara-like beta beauty Theme: Life is a wilderness, not a track. Grow as wildly as you like.