My Gossip Buddy Is a Little Cold

An emotionally steady capybara-type, fragile mortician x a secretly observant, python-like, scheming criminal investigator

Qi Huan recently got a new job, working in the morgue as a true fan of cold cases.

Because of her poor health, she unexpectedly got bound to the Grand Funeral System. As long as she exercises to raise her vitality, she can see the autopsy reports of the residents in the cold room.

For example:

[Area A, row three, column four. Male, 48, bus driver. Died of kidney failure from overwork.]

The System prompt lit up at the same time: Host, go to the bathroom and empty your bladder immediately!

Holding in your urine for too long can seriously affect your health. It can cause bladder problems, and may also damage your kidneys, brain, and heart. Severe cases require attention!

Qi Huan took the warning seriously and received her promised autopsy-material reward, unaware that her inner commentary was echoing all around the funeral hall.

[Oh, how tragic. His wife died young, and he left his child in the care of his brother-in-law, but that family actually...]

The brother-in-law's family, who were paying their respects to the deceased: What the heck was that sound?

[They even control how many sheets of toilet paper the child uses?]

[That's ridiculous. One sheet only, whether it's a number one or a number two? And they listen at the door to count how many times the kid pulls paper? The poor child has to pretend to use the toilet just to save up paper?]

Qi Huan: The heroine's awful relatives at the start of the story, check!

For another example:

[Area C, row one, column three. Male, 37, fugitive... Huh? A fugitive!]

[Oh? He's the leader who robbed the Red Gold Jewelry Store ten years ago? He accidentally entered Painter A's studio, merged all the layers, and died mysteriously. Painter A said...]

[This robber came in without a head.]

Qi Huan: A cannon-fodder character who sets up the retired veteran's skills in an infinite-flow story, check!

The System prompt lit up again: Our friends with heads surely know that being without a head is extremely dangerous. Host, immediately confirm that your head is properly attached to your neck, adjust your breathing, and relax to prevent temporomandibular joint disorder.

Qi Huan did as instructed, and her voice rang out through the funeral hall once more.

[Huh? This guy even has a whole wife squad? Each of his wives brought key evidence from his old gang, planning to leave the country right after the funeral and disappear forever!]

[Brilliant. Together, they're a gang. Apart, they're a whole day in court.]

Officer Gu Dan, who happened to be in the funeral hall: Did I just get a case out of nowhere?

Gu Dan is a newly promoted junior leader in Fushi City's Special Criminal Investigation Team. Lately, he's been volunteering to deliver bodies to the funeral home on behalf of his colleagues in logistics.

The first time he passed the morgue, he saw a beautiful figure.

Doing the Eight Brocades.

The second time, she was doing burpees.

The third time, she was standing on her head.

Gu Dan: She's the only light and warmth in this cold, gloomy world!

Reading guide:

1. Right now, get up and walk a few steps!

2. Do your pelvic floor exercises!

3. Take a deep breath, drink some water, stretch your chest, and go!

-----Here's a preview of an upcoming novel. Please show your support and add it to your collection: My Ex Is Chasing Me Across the World to Get Back Together

A sharp-tongued woman who's all bark and no bite x a lecherous, sweet-talking man who's tough on the outside but secretly soft and easily flustered

There's a popular new game called The Rabbit Only Eats Its Old Grass.

The game is about the protagonist being tied up (not really) and entangled (not really) by the grass they've already munched on in each world, dragged back to get up to all sorts of things, and made to take another bite.

With its explosive content, varied experiences, and gorgeous art style, the game shot to the top of the charts in just three days.

"If my ex-boyfriend hadn't been dead for years, I'd say he was the one who made this game."

Chuan Tang posted a comment on a whim.

She didn't think much of it afterward, because her ex-boyfriend hadn't actually been dead for years. She'd just made up a nasty joke.

But then Chuan Tang found herself inside the game!

The moment she opened her eyes, she was in [Dungeon 1]: The Night of the Massacre!

Her character was the sole survivor of a massacre. After slaughtering her entire family, the killer deliberately spared her.

She went to seek shelter with distant relatives. The killer followed her and slaughtered that family too, then spared Chuan Tang again, giving her the chance to prepare their bodies for burial.

Then he turned around and killed everyone who came to pay their respects.

So, is this a revenge story? No, it's about getting back together...?

"How can he be my ex with a relationship like this!?" Chuan Tang let out a piercing scream. "And he wants to get back together? In seven days, huh?"

And why does the killer look exactly like her ex-boyfriend, Dian Zhu!?

After barely clearing the dungeon, Chuan Tang was sent straight to [Dungeon 2]: At the Cliff's Edge!

This time, she was a witch who found someone who had fallen off a cliff.

As expected, the man had Dian Zhu's face again.

Chuan Tang couldn't just look the other way, because the witch's first mission was to take the man home and save him.

Chuan Tang: I'll drag him home face-down and boil him in a cauldron until he becomes a medicinal puppet.

"Just tell me, did I save him or not? Is he alive or not!?"

A rabbit that bites whether it's in a hurry or not x wild grass that grows madly whether or not the spring breeze blows

There's also a completed fantasy novel. Please support it: I Descended from the Divine Throne

A seemingly proper heroine who's not free of worldly desires x a straightforward, easily placated, genuinely evil male lead: counterattack and break the deadlock. Find it directly in my author collection!

Theme: Live healthily and reap the rewards of hard work!