Mr. Ancheng Thinks It's Not Good Enough

"That's how it is." I drooped my eyelids and sprawled on the ground like a starfish. "Suguru, a year from now you'll abandon your dog and cat, defect, and announce to all the ordinary people in Japan..."

I squeezed my eyes almost shut, pressed my thumb to my cheek, and put on a deep voice. "...Submit to me, monkeys."

Gojo laughed like a lunatic. "Hahahaha, Suguru just called you small-eyed!!!"

Geto flipped me over with a foot and politely said, "What kind of bullshit are you spouting?"

I redirected my attack at Gojo. Since I was too lazy to roll over, my voice came out muffled against the ground. "...And you, Six Eyes. You're laughing too. After graduation, you'll stay on as a teacher and turn into a white volleyball spouting nothing but high-minded rhetoric."

Gojo kept cackling and flipped me back with another kick. "Are you sure you're awake?"

"Who knows." I yawned lazily. "Could be."

Shoko crouched nearby with a cigarette, watching the show. "What about me?"

"Shoko-chan will become a long-haired, mature beauty..." I raised a hand to shield my eyes from the glaring sun. "You'll smoke five packs a day, and visit two graves on the same day once a year. Very convenient..."

"Whose graves?" Shoko asked, quite interested. "Yours and Yaga's?"

"...That's slander." I sounded utterly drained. "Me and Yaga doing something as tragic as dying together? That's definitely slander..."

I don't have a grave. It's Geto and Gojo. What an unexpected delight, right, Shoko?

"Hahahahahahaha."

They all burst out laughing. I laughed too, then sprang to my feet and stretched.

"Just kidding."

*

Long story short, I found a manga.

I want everything in it to go to hell.

*

^ Anjo Watari, a special-grade sorcerer. Very strong, a late bloomer, but gets beaten up by Gojo and Geto early on, so he stays out of their one and only best-friend romance.

^ The story focuses on the four of Gojo, Geto, Shoko, and Anjo. Everyone has a character arc. No romantic pairings, just friendship, as the synopsis says, with lots of affectionate interaction. The spoilers aren't exclusive to one person, and there's a reason for the secrecy. No stealing the spotlight, no fake angst, no playing with your feelings. The main plot is about practical proposals and guidance for reforming the power structure of the jujutsu world, so everyone gets a happy ending.

^ Anjo is a gloomy, long-haired, neurotic guy, and an absolute menace compared with his classmates. He talks nothing but nonsense.

^ Lots of headcanons. The original story after Hidden Inventory is not referenced.

^ Villain fans, stay away. You'll probably get traumatized, unless you also enjoy charcoal-grilled Mahito, barbecued Brain, and finger skewers.

^ The Detective Conan police academy group make guest appearances.

Theme: We want a revolution! We want a revolution!