Real Corporate Warfare: Legal, but Unhinged

The new novel, After a Workhorse Stumbles into an Elite Dating Show, has started! As graduation drew near, Ye Shi, a senior in college, discovered that every night after she fell asleep, she would briefly become the overbearing CEO hero of a business-strategy novel. Everyone knows that the overbearing CEOs in novels are all urban dragon kings. They rule the business world, turning the tides with a wave of their hand. Beneath their tall, handsome exteriors lie unfathomable methods and ruthless hearts. For them, business warfare is as easy as breathing. Ye Shi stared blankly: (0.o?) Business warfare? We never covered that in class. * At the company, everyone came to ask her, “How should we deal with those competitors?” Ye Shi, with her innocent, clueless expression: “You’re asking me? (munch munch) How should I know? (munch munch) I do know how to rock a BabyBus, though. (spits out seeds)” On the surface, the mysterious CEO had everything under control. The business world changed overnight, and his competitors fell back one after another, laying down their arms. In reality... Around the B City CBD, people could always spot a strikingly built CEO in a suit sneaking around the office towers of various companies. Climbing over walls in the middle of the night to cut the power, with the company seal tucked into his belt. Watering his rival's money tree until it died, then changing the cafeteria menu to ten consecutive dishes of smashed cucumber. Posing as a cleaner and waxing the floors while mopping. One shift, and not a peep from anyone. They all wound up flat on their backs... Ye Shi planted her hands on her hips. “I'm exhausted to death.” Her rival's executive lost it. “I seriously can't deal with this.” If it's business warfare, fine, but can you stop using such dirty tricks? Who replaced the God of Wealth in my company with Ultraman? Huh? This is absolutely unconscionable! * As an overbearing CEO, Fu Hanshen couldn't understand it. He'd only taken a nap, so how had his reputation gone rotten within a hundred miles by the time he woke up? “Boss, this is where you carried off President Xu's welcome pine yesterday. You also slashed his tires before you left, and didn't even leave him a shared bike. In the end, President Xu had to walk all the way home, cursing you the entire way.” His assistant shook his head. “That's brutal. Absolutely brutal.” “Boss, see that dog? When you made your getaway on a shared bike yesterday, you even took that dog with you...” His assistant sighed. “That's vicious. Absolutely vicious.” Fu Hanshen: “...” For the first time, he understood what it meant to wake up and find the whole sky's worth of shit basins dumped on his head. Later, he discovered that this was only the beginning. One new shit basin a day, with a fresh twist every time. A month later, all his competitors had blocked him, and he had become the enemy of the entire industry. Fu Hanshen: ? #Ye Shi: Do you even know what business warfare is?# #Fu Hanshen: ...I don't, but I know what it's like to have shit basins dumped on me.# Real business warfare is simple and unpretentious: I hire someone to fish out your giant turtle. Blurb for the new novel, After a Workhorse Stumbles into an Elite Dating Show Ji Ning is an overworked wage slave in modern times, barely alive. One day, she transmigrates into a book. The System says: You're the cannon-fodder supporting female NPC in this elite dating-show novel. Ji Ning says: I am the emperor. System: ? * Everyone knows that workhorse wage slaves and laid-back elites just don't mix. On the show, the overseas-educated elite guy rattles off English, French, German, Italian, and Japanese. He sits with an artsy woman, sipping coffee as they face the sea at sunset. Waves roll in, and the atmosphere is perfect. Ji Ning, beside them: downs coffee after coffee with a loud gulp. I've got one lousy life, and I'm going to work it to the bone! During breakfast prep, the young heir to a conglomerate and the pure, sweet girl make a pair. Sleeves rolled up, soothing music playing, one washes vegetables while the other chops. The first-love tension is at its peak. Ji Ning: “One big flatbread wrap with everything in it. Is that enough? If not, I'll wrap a whole pig in there too.” The show sets them a task. The CEO pairs up with someone and speaks in a posh accent: “I think we first need a plan, then set the steps, one by one, to finish.” When he turns around, Ji Ning has already planted several rows of rice seedlings. Ji Ning looks at him like he's an idiot. “Are you nuts? What steps do you need to plant rice? Just stick it in the mud, for crying out loud!” “Move it! Stop blocking me from taking first place!” Half a month later, the show is halfway through filming. Not one couple has formed, and the elites have one after another been exposed: fake credentials, bankrupt companies, plagiarized work, and falls from grace. The one person on the show who has stayed true to her image from beginning to end... is the workhorse Ji Ning. Ji Ning: “Your Honor, see? I told you! We wage slaves are the purest creatures in the world!” We barely get enough sleep. How could we possibly have time to fool around? #Caring for overworked workers is everyone's responsibility# * Little skit The show's icebreaker: quick questions and answers. [Where do you live most of the time?] “Europe.” “North America.” “South Africa.” Ji Ning: “Iceland.” Ji Ning: “The cold, chilly Huludao! What's the big deal?” [What do you like doing on weekends?] “Deep-sea fishing.” “Traveling around the world.” “Going to Antarctica to see penguins.” Ji Ning: “Strolling around the big melon market, buying a 9.9-yuan X-fortune, then having a hotpot meal full of high-tech ingredients.” No natural ingredients, pure additives. Guaranteed X, dear ^_^ During a late-night chat on the dating show, the young heir to a conglomerate talks about his tragic upbringing. His parents divorced and left him with nothing but a cold nine-digit bank balance, five office towers, two villas, and a shopping mall. He's so pitiful, with nothing but money to his name. Poor Ji Ning glances at her bank balance and smiles. The paternal CEO sits beside her, trying to take her hand. “It's cold tonight. Remember to bundle up.” Ji Ning: “Thanks, same to you. It's been cold lately, so remember to shut the doors and windows when you sleep, and turn on the gas.” CEO: ? Netizens: “Yikes...” “What an absurd woman.” Theme: A good life is built through hard work.