Endless Dark Night

Come on ↖(^ω^)↗, although there are still many small problems, but overall it is still good

Sorry, I just remembered it today, I thought the captain made a unified comment Review of "Dark Night" ——BY Yuanrong (Recently, I suddenly fell in love with blood clan novels. Let's satisfy my love through the light of the literary collection group! I just read a Raven novel. I guess my requirements for novels will be much lower now. I started reading the novel while listening to the music of "Hundred Ghosts Night Parade"~) First of all, I suggest the author to ask for a cover image. Since he is submitting an article in Bishui, he should know that there is a picture gallery. The attractiveness of copywriting greatly affects clicks and collections. A good copywriting should reflect the style and characteristics of the article and be the face of the article. Your wedge writing has a gloomy and bloody flavor. It would be better if it could rhyme, but of course this is not a requirement. The first scene in the text is a murder case. After reading the wedge just now, I personally think that your writing style is better to maintain a gloomy style. The writing here is a bit flat. You should know that a good author can make any plot fascinating, or at least give your fight a tense atmosphere and impressive actions, right? The sentence "preliminarily concluded that the vampire serial murders were committed by the same vampire" always makes me feel uncomfortable. Would it be better to change it to "preliminarily concluded that the vampire serial murders were committed by the same perpetrator"? Try not to use repeated words and sentence patterns. The heroine's situation reminded me of Harry Potter, but I didn't understand how her vampire physique was triggered. The heroine seems to have a big mission. Is this considered foreshadowing? However, this identity still insists on going to school and taking exams, which makes me feel a bit shocked - a vampire with awakened consciousness and past memories does not seem to need to learn pediatrics in school, right? If it has become a common practice for humans and vampires to live together, she doesn't need to use this to hide her identity, right? Does the author like reading comics very much? Your text has a good look, but the dialogue could use some polish. Pay attention to the character's personality—language is the key to portraying the character. In a novel, everyone should have their own speaking style, so that readers can guess who said it when they see a sentence. I've read Chapter 11, and I feel it's a bit flat, without any tension or excitement. A complete story needs a beginning and an ending, a main line and a context. Maybe you already have a complete outline and ideas, so writing is still very smooth, but the disadvantage of having an outline is that there is no passion and you cannot add unexpected plots and plots. Never get hung up on your outline. I found your layout and paragraphing to be very good, especially the last sentence at the end of each chapter. The ending leaves people with suspense, and it can also form a connection with the next chapter, which is very comfortable to watch logically. There are a lot of fighting scenes in the article, so can we be a little innovative in the moves? Or improve the level of fighting? You wrote several paragraphs where vampires fight each other and then someone jumps out to save them. Such plots cannot always be used. It seems that the heroine is very powerful. Hmm, the sudden explosion is my point of cuteness~ It seems that in your conception, the hierarchy of vampires is very strict, so the characters will be restricted by their identities, but this aspect is not very obvious yet. A small suggestion, of course, if it goes against your writing style, just ignore it - when ordinary characters are ups and downs in the system, a small explosion is very eye-catching. But your heroine's initial conditions are amazing, and she feels like she has a golden finger. It can be seen from this article that you are constantly improving. Is the author a student? Since you are still in the stage of training and learning, don't be too commercial. The most important thing is to lay a solid foundation first and cultivate confidence. Your character design is very good. It would be better to have a better grasp of the overall situation. You can also add more action descriptions. I hope you will continue to work hard and I will pay attention to your articles~

It's really short By the way, sir, please add "she said" in front of the confessional paragraph...

The background of Vampire Knight is pretty good

Same as downstairs, please describe it more, like in the first chapter, the vampires want to be beautiful

Bad news first Pay close attention to that piece of news (even though this is a legendary world where vampires and humans coexist...), But why does it feel wrong to say someone's blood was sucked dry on TV? (The table asked me how to write, but I don't know how) Now about the good news It's a very good set-up. I plan to read it now.

So come and take a look first~

Jam shop review A certain J found this article very revealing, very extreme and special. The specific reasons can be analyzed from two perspectives: writing ideas and character design. The first is the writing idea. First, regarding the various logically confusing passages in the article, for example: [When the three people are almost at the same distance, the first person takes the lead and starts to counterattack. Among the four, the only girl with double braids reacted the fastest. After bouncing away, she immediately swept over with her legs. The person then did a backflip and attacked the other two. From a reader's point of view... I really can't figure out what kind of process the author is describing after reading it for the first time. And author, don't you think your sentence segmentation is very problematic? There are two subjects in each sentence = =, or do you use commas as periods? Another example: [Did it still happen to [her]? But why, why am I not afraid? Did I also look forward to death? For people like me, no one will miss me even if I die...] Is it [me] or [her]? Sorry, please fix the name. Thank you for your cooperation. There are many similar questions. To give an example using profile description, we can say: A certain J's reading speed ranges from 3000+ to 4000+ in 3 minutes. As for the first chapter of Your Author, I read it for more than 5 minutes, half of which was devoted to grammatical issues = =. Second, about your plot, Sir. This text originally has a very cute setting, but why do adults always like to deviate from the main line and describe some events that a certain J thinks are completely unnecessary? After the heroine discovered that she was a vampire of noble blood, I was very sad to find that the part about the dream of a singer was completely downplayed, and the growth process of the heroine was completely buried, as if the heroine went from an ordinary student LEVEL UP to the Queen of the Night in an instant = =! ... Don't use exaggerated techniques indiscriminately, sir. Then there's the character. The heroine of the adult family, J-chan, is very baffling to me, very baffling. I won't mention anything else. My lord, please tell me what the specific character of your heroine is. What is it... Faced with the one-second transformation from a strong little white rabbit to an elegant wolf, a certain J really... Accepts incompetenceOTZ... Especially the elegant big bad wolf who is always artistic = =, the heroine, are you worthy of your advanced age? [Note: Since there is a process of memory recovery when awakening, J will assume that she has lived for a period of time before. All in all, this is an originally good story but it was written by an adult... Well, it was pretty much ruined. So, author, please work hard. END It seems to have been removed, I will post it again = =

Jam shop review A certain J found this article very revealing, very extreme and special. The specific reasons can be analyzed from two perspectives: writing ideas and character design. The first is the writing idea. First, regarding the various logically confusing passages in the article, for example: [When the three people are almost at the same distance, the first person takes the lead and starts to counterattack. Among the four, the only girl with double braids reacted the fastest. After bouncing away, she immediately swept over with her legs. The person then did a backflip and attacked the other two. From a reader's point of view... I really can't figure out what kind of process the author is describing after reading it for the first time. And author, don't you think your sentence segmentation is very problematic? There are two subjects in each sentence = =, or do you use commas as periods? Another example: [Did it still happen to [her]? But why, why am I not afraid? Did I also look forward to death? For people like me, no one will miss me even if I die...] Is it [me] or [her]? Sorry, please fix the name. Thank you for your cooperation. There are many similar questions. To give an example using profile description, we can say: A certain J's reading speed ranges from 3000+ to 4000+ in 3 minutes. As for the first chapter of Your Author, I read it for more than 5 minutes, half of which was devoted to grammatical issues = =. Second, about your plot, Sir. This text originally has a very cute setting, but why do adults always like to deviate from the main line and describe some events that a certain J thinks are completely unnecessary? After the heroine discovered that she was a vampire of noble blood, I was very sad to find that the part about the dream of a singer was completely downplayed, and the growth process of the heroine was completely buried, as if the heroine went from an ordinary student LEVEL UP to the Queen of the Night in an instant = =! ... Don't use exaggerated techniques indiscriminately, sir. Then there's the character. The heroine of the adult family, J-chan, is very baffling to me, very baffling. I won't mention anything else. My lord, please tell me what the specific character of your heroine is. What is it... Faced with the one-second transformation from a strong little white rabbit to an elegant wolf, a certain J really... Accepts incompetenceOTZ... Especially the elegant big bad wolf who is always artistic = =, the heroine, are you worthy of your advanced age? [Note: Since there is a process of memory recovery when awakening, J will assume that she has lived for a period of time before. All in all, this is an originally good story but it was written by an adult... Well, it was pretty much ruined. So, author, please work hard. END

Make a comment Japanese light novel style. Judging from the copywriting, it is a story about the growth and struggle of vampires. The subject matter is very cute. The characters in this article are also very cute. An ordinary girl dreams of becoming an idol singer. However, in an accident, she discovers that she is a vampire with a very noble bloodline and is born with many powerful abilities. At the same time, she is also caught up in a conspiracy that happened many years ago. An ordinary student, a mysterious vampire, and an idol singer with a beautiful singing voice. It would be cute to pick two of these three identities to conflict with each other. But the story itself is not cute. Throughout the entire text, there are girls' pursuit of dreams, delicate psychological descriptions, gorgeous lyrics, Japanese-style fighting scenes, warmth, indifference, love and hostility... Many, many good short fragments form countless trivial scenes, and are also mixed with many characters that are constantly emerging. They come and go in the article of more than 90,000 words, with random flowers and charming eyes. As a result, an entire chapter often deviates from the main line, affecting the smoothness of the entire story. Moreover, the so-called identity conflict and so-called growth are not fully reflected in the article. At the beginning of the article, there is some text about the intersection between the three identities. In the middle, the student identity is almost completely downplayed, and the dream of singing is nowhere to be found. Everywhere you look are various scenes of struggle in which the heroine, as a vampire who has inherited the sacred blood, wins, and what wins the final victory is not her own ability, but her blood. I couldn't see the growth of the heroine, I only saw a domineering identity setting that determined everyone's fate from the beginning. The author has a poetic touch and a good writing style. What is lacking now is probably the ability to tell this story beautifully, and this ability can be improved through continuous practice. I look forward to the author's next story being better. 2010-11-11 19:40:34