My name is Shangguan Jin. Many people call me Emperor Xuan. In truth, I am a woman, though the world doesn't know it. The emperor they know has never lost a battle, has never failed to govern the court, and has never failed to quell a rebellion. These great achievements should have belonged to a man, yet I, a woman, accomplished them in a way no one had ever done before and no one would ever do again. But I wasn't happy. Not for a single day. Life was terribly dull, and all I cared about was supreme power.
Though I am a woman, I have never lived a single day as one. It isn't that I have never worn women's clothes or put on women's makeup. With this face of mine, I could surely leave men utterly captivated, but I couldn't care less. Beauty will one day be defeated by time, but the power in my hands can never be defeated by anyone.
The people in the harem kept sending women to me. After pretending to be a man for so many years, I had almost forgotten that I was a woman. I disliked those vulgar women. Each one pretended to adore me, coveted my power, and tried desperately to please me. I found it ridiculous, and pitied the fate that awaited them.
Then one day, I met a girl named Xue Ci. She spent every day eating, drinking, and having fun with her young maid. She seemed forever like an innocent child who knew nothing of the world. In her eyes, I saw a clean, pure, one-of-a-kind innocence. There was so little sincerity left in the depths of the palace. I treasured this hard-won affection, but I didn't dare break through the barrier between us. I knew it was just like a dream, an impossible dream.
I tried to convince myself to treat her like a younger sister, but I couldn't fool myself. Love is love. All those excuses were nothing more than ways to comfort myself. The day I confessed my feelings, she was remarkably calm. She didn't cry or make a fuss like I had imagined. I even thought she was carefully asking me because she wanted to protect my dignity. But the moment she spoke, I knew I had fallen for her completely.
In all my twenty-three years, no one had ever asked whether I was willing to live this way, or whether I felt wronged. Was I truly willing? My mother's selfish desires had made me who I was today. I suffered because of them, yet I also enjoyed this supreme power.
She didn't hate me. After I confessed my feelings, I asked her, "I am a woman. Are you willing to marry me?" Her red lips parted, and she answered clearly, "Yes."
Theme: Supporting each other through thick and thin
