Coming soon: "I Have No Pain Receptors, So I Became a Prince's Mansion Death Soldier" and "Don't Sing My Praises [Interstellar]." Add them to your favorites!
The shy and socially anxious Xun An transmigrates to the Interstellar era. He gets his wish and becomes a forest ranger who doesn't have to deal with people. He even volunteers to look after endangered wild species from ancient Earth on a primitive planet.
One day, he receives an assignment from his supervisor: He must appear on camera and livestream for eight hours every day. Lose one follower, and a billion snack packs will be deducted from your pay!
Xun An is horrified. After making a miserable face and fiddling around for ages, he finally registers an account and prepares himself mentally. Then a man drops into his life from the sky, claiming to be there for convalescence when he is really there to keep watch.
His mind races. Afraid the stand-in who has practically been delivered to his doorstep will get away, he hurriedly starts a livestream, only for gunshots to ring out in the dense forest!
Xun An chases after them and gives the poachers a fierce shootout!
One shot, one bad guy!
The man has led him to a livestream packed with viewers, and the chat explodes too:
[Holy crap, the Empire's Crown Prince! Take your noble fingers somewhere else, I want to see the gunfight!]
[Damn, a hot guy is killing me! I want to fall at the mercy of his gun right now. Brothers, I'm taking the first step toward being gay!]
Later, countless viewers realize that this violent ranger is kind of adorable. The contrast is just too obvious:
This little guy is so badass, yet he pets the northeastern golden lynx without hesitation. When he runs into poachers, he chases them, shoots at them, and cries all at once. Bullets fly everywhere, and so do his tears.
After crying, he hugs the man's arm with his nose all red. He turns half of his tearful little face toward the camera and stammers, "Um, that... dangerous stunts are purely fictional. M-minors, please don't try this at home."
Later, he can no longer hide the fact that he's socially anxious.
Xun An works up his courage and goes live to set the record straight. "I didn't get this job through connections. I'm socially anxious, not a coward!"
"When I ran into poachers, I didn't say anything and just shot at them. I had them leave voice messages afterward because I'm socially anxious and don't want to talk to people. It's so awkward!"
"I passed the firearms test and got my superior's approval. The bullets are tranquilizers. Everyone I hit was sent to prison, and not one of them even got a minor bruise!"
The viewers in the livestream all nod like garlic bulbs: [Right, right, right. Socially anxious people just aren't good at talking. The few socially anxious people we know don't hold back when they get into trouble either.]
Xun An angrily ends the livestream and once again chases the poachers all over the mountain, crying as he shoots. A pair of huge hands suddenly picks him up.
The man blocks his way, rubs his head, and says softly, "Good boy. They're not hunters. They came to steal you so they could test the color of a sack."
Xun An sniffs, wraps his arms around the man's waist, and rubs against him like a little deer. "Didn't you leave?"
The man points to the solid gold crown on his head. "No. I wanted to make some extra money and build a few more prisons."
Xun An pouts. "You think I'm a nuisance? You can't be bothered cleaning up after me?"
The man smiles faintly. "The poachers have already filled the capital planet. We'll use the other planets for your love rivals. No matter how many show up, we'll fit them all in."
The number of people pouring into the livestream stutters, then drops sharply until only the man's father is left, laughing so hard behind the screen that he can barely breathe.
Many years later, there is a legend among the local deer: If you come across an NPC wearing green, bump into him three times and you might get some food. Bump into the person beside him one more time, and if you get the order right, the worst reward is sweet, crunchy corn kernels.
Many years later, there is a chat room in the Interstellar prison. Ask the people behind bars how they got in, and they'll cry and say they got handsy and killed a chicken. Ask one more question, and they'll honestly tell you it was a yellow-bellied pheasant, a top-tier protected animal of the Empire, and the kind personally raised by the Queen.
Many years later, there is an unwritten iron rule in the Imperial family: Never touch any ancient cold weapon you find, no matter where you find it. We can't guarantee it'll be dangerous, but we can guarantee you might lose your head.
Coming-soon blurb for "I Have No Pain Receptors, So I Became a Prince's Mansion Death Soldier":
How the hell did I transmigrate into this mess?
Squatting on a roof beam while on watch, Xun You droops his eyelids and cries miserably
The Regent's household secretly raises three thousand death soldiers, and he gets picked for every mission!
Two years ago, the thousand lowest-ranked death soldiers stayed behind to cover the others. He was number 2999.
A year ago, the thousand middle-ranked death soldiers led the charge. He was number 1999.
At the beginning of this year, the hundred top-ranked death soldiers were selected. He was number 99.
Is this what they call being forced to work?! Maybe a more ambitious male lead could make a name for himself, but he was born without pain receptors!
Ever since he arrived at the prince's residence
Every second, he's been on edge. Every hour, he's been gripped by dread. Every day, he feels as if his head is hanging from his belt!
His life is in danger every moment!
Overcome with sorrow, Xun You buries his little head in his arms and starts wiping away his tears. Sob, men don't cry easily, unless they've reached their breaking point! He used to be such a survivalist!
All he wants is to live a good, peaceful life! Why is that so hard!
Sob, sob. This young master is afraid of dying, really, really afraid!
Under the eaves of the prince's residence
For several months now, Regent Pei Qici has been hearing muffled sobbing, night after night. He can barely sleep. Eight out of ten physicians who feel his pulse diagnose him with a nervous disorder, but none can find the cause.
With a dark expression, he rereads every memorial on his desk. The more he reads, the more he feels that every official in court is useless. Irritated, he gets up and opens the window.
Good heavens! A tear-streaked little face suddenly turns toward him, covered in round, glistening tears. The owner seems startled and stares at him with big blinking eyes, looking utterly pitiful.
The Regent, who had been radiating menace just a moment ago, freezes for once. "...You?"
Xun You: "..." Help. Is it still in time to run away?
Theme: Stay positive and work hard at living
No way, I was poisoned to death, this kind of ancient painting style...
My inner journey in this chapter: Hahahaha at the beginning, and I am stunned at the end.
Don't lie to me, you're an idiot, right? When he can't be honest with others, don't blame others for hiding something from you.
Good guy, I'm really shocked. Even if you are very angry after being deceived, you shouldn't believe something that you know is not a good thing. Helping a bad guy to harm someone who has at least helped you... I don't understand this ancient bloody plot. I can't stand it even if I don't have a brain. (Personal opinion, please don't fight me, you are right)
I laughed so hard. I was the first one to see the bankrupt Jinjiang Gong.
Others think he is a monster, but that is his comfort as a wanderer who can never return home.
Only state officials are allowed to set fires, and people are not allowed to light lamps, right?
Disgusting, buying the first chapter is rubbish
What the hell, the first chapter of v poisoned me
Claw, the Classic of Mountains and Seas, right?