Kamo Gawa Haru's Melancholy

Blurb: Originally titled The Destined Sorcerer in the Shinobi World. Includes watch-along scenes (first-person narration), a goofy, unhinged female protagonist who provides running commentary, and chaotic writing. Written for love, with no literary skill. Don't read if that's not your thing. Includes Jujutsu Kaisen, Bungo Stray Dogs, Naruto, Harry Potter, Hunter x Hunter, and more.

I, Kamogawa Haru, prospective head of the Kamo clan and future god of the jujutsu world, somehow screwed up while exorcising a Grade 1 cursed spirit and got punched by that piece of trash into another world called the "Shinobi World."

From the start, I stumbled upon a village massacre. So, to avoid wandering the world and sleeping on the street, I chose to follow Big Sis Konan back to the Hidden Rain Village, where I accidentally nursed Nagato to death that very day.

After that, I got tricked into going to the Hidden Leaf Village. After careful consideration, I chose to join Root, the village's talent incubator. As for my rabid, exclusive fan's praise for Lord Danzo, the "Darkness of the Shinobi," I only have one thing to say: "Just unite the whole world already! You, the Lone Root, have what it takes to become the Shinobi World's first emperor."

Later, a secondhand System found me and said that if I completed a few missions, it would send me home to inherit the position of clan head. I hesitated for a moment, then agreed.

From then on, I started visiting all sorts of strange worlds to complete all sorts of strange missions. Things like rainbow miracles, the light of a torch, world peace, and a bright future.

After completing one mission after another and finally returning to my own world, I saw that the sky above Shibuya was pitch-black, cursed spirits swarmed everywhere, and my hapless father was coughing up three pints of blood and on the verge of death.

Me: "…"

"What the hell have you people done to everyone else's worlds?!" I roared. A hundred-meter-tall black Susanoo shot into the sky. With Tenkasu in hand, I slashed through the barrier above Shibuya and smashed open the Prison Realm sealing Gojo Satoru.

Brain Goo: "…??!"

Wasn't this the niece who'd gone missing from the Kamo family more than a decade ago?!

I thought that once I'd taken down that grave-robbing pig brain, I could enjoy a carefree life as clan head. I never expected all the worlds to suddenly merge.

Whether it was my best friend Ayatsuji Yukito, solving cases in Yokohama; my younger brother Akashi Seijuro, monitoring fate at the Non-Human Affairs Division in Tokyo; my eldest son Number One, Tom Riddle, running wild in Britain and turning Azkaban into a guesthouse; or my eldest son Number Two, Gilgamesh, doing as he pleased in Fuyuki City, they all charged into the Kamo clan grounds in Kyoto, making my father's face turn from black to green.

Even the Six Eyes next door, whom I'd just released from the Prison Realm, had gained memories of rebelling against me alongside his best buddy in a parallel world. He went out of his way to show up and join the commotion.

This bunch of lunatics made my head spin. With a splitting headache and no idea what to say, I could only flee the scene as fast as possible under the excuse that I was "unavailable" and head over to the Shaman Fight, which I'd never even heard of, to join the fun. That's when I saw Asakura Hao lying on the ground, utterly defeated and questioning his life.

With the intention of making fun of him, I promptly activated Susanoo and sent everyone flying, then taunted him. I never expected he'd secretly been thinking about me for a thousand years.

Shocking! He has feelings for me!

Whatever. He may be a bit of a loser, but I'll take back the Kamo clan and join the chaotic battle first.

Mission List:

[Kuroko's Basketball] World

Mission Description: "If miracles had a color, it would definitely be rainbow!"

Haizaki Shogo: "Come on, guys! I just dyed my hair orange and changed my name. Let's toast!"

Kamogawa Haru: So miracles are made by dyeing your hair after all!

[Jujutsu Kaisen] World

Mission Description: "Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru both have bright futures ahead of them."

Gojo Satoru: "Suguru, let's defect! The jujutsu world already belongs to that jerk Kamogawa Haru! We might as well smash her bowl to pieces!!"

Kamogawa Haru: So you really had to use the Big Three Families' money to fund a senior citizens' community group, then rally the people to threaten the higher-ups?

[Bungo Stray Dogs] World

Mission Description: "I hope everyone will appreciate my script and that the film adaptation will be a huge hit."

Fyodor: "Huh? I become the world's number one striker by playing selfish football? Seriously?"

Kamogawa Haru: One literary great after another keeps writing scripts for no reason. If you've got nothing better to do, hurry up and get a job at Gangyoo Entertainment. We need you to spread videos of despair!

[Naruto Warring States] World

Mission Description: "I hope there will be no more wars in the world. I want to bring my younger brothers and family together in one village."

Senju Hashirama: "Ahaha! Madara, Izuna, Tobirama, let's found a research organization for the chemical composition of feces!!"

Kamogawa Haru: So that's why you dragged your friends and family into founding the Poop Bolsheviks?!

As for my unexpected visit to Heian-kyo...

Asakura Hao smiled softly and held out a hand to Kamogawa Haru, his eyes lowered. "A future without you really is impossible to imagine."

If you don't want me to show too much of my feelings, then I'll try to restrain my affection for you for now.

Kamogawa Haru covered her chest without changing expression and screamed silently in her heart: "MOM!!!! HE HAS FEELINGS FOR ME!!!"

Note: A goofy power fantasy and chaotic writing, with some borrowed quotes and a ditzy female lead. Don't complain if it's not your thing. It'll blow your mind, and I won't be held responsible, hehe.

Couple: Asakura Hao

(There are extra stories with other characters later, so feel free to ship whoever you like.)

Theme: Study hard and benefit the jujutsu world