A Real Deal's Diary, in Her Own Words

"His Mountains and Seas—The Red Bird that Never Turns Back" "In Niwa Yu's life, it was not that everyone left him, but that he left everyone.?" In this first-person story, Niwa expresses his emotions in a playful way, relaxed, cheerful, slightly sarcastic, and always restrained. This extreme restraint is reflected in the fact that "I", who should be more nakedly displayed in front of the reader than anyone else, has to rely on others in the article to vaguely reveal the mud-like sincerity hidden under the mask of laughter. What was he thinking when he sold Hoshino and Hanasaki in the solitary room? What was he thinking in the three minutes outside the interrogation room door? What was he thinking about in the attic on Christmas Eve? What was he thinking when facing Qingxue? What was he thinking when the dagger stabbed into Hoshino's left shoulder? What was Hanasaki thinking when he was testing whether he was involved in Hoshino's death? Readers cannot see through the restrained words of Niwa Yu, they only know that he is always smiling. Perhaps the flowers that bloom on winter nights are worthy of their blooming beauty only in the rancid mud rich in nutrients due to the drowning of many lives. Just like Niwa's smiling baby face, and his young and energetic behavior - such as complaining about his boss like a social beast, being dissatisfied with overtime, finding it difficult to get up, and loving to drink Coke... A lot of this comes from his mud that is as sticky as his heart. Who has drowned in his mud? A red bird. But when I rewind from the extra chapter to the first scene of the main text, I saw him saying: Good morning, good noon, and good evening, everyone. I always like to think that he is gentle. He passed by Kazuhiko and pulled him out of the cage; he passed by Hoshino and gave him two pieces of candy; he passed by Scotland and still said "I will definitely stop him"; he passed by an unknown stranger, but he fought hard to save Ida... Even later, much later, when he welcomed an innocent girl to the dark world with great interest, he gave up just because Hoshino called his name—— This time it's just like my "naive self" back then. Even though Niwa in the back has no extra sympathy, just like he insists that he has "no empathy", he is very happy to take Qingyue back. (Also, I really like Qingxue) Maybe it's just because of his life and himself that he never allowed his weak tenderness to bloom? So like a beetle, passing by the mud on the bank of a fast river, it was overturned by the water splashed by the huge waves. From then on, it became the nourishment of another flower, rotting in the mud and rotting in the heart. Destiny is a ruthless river, and the splash is just the black organization's glance at Niyu. Alas, once you open the brake, you can't stop the car. I wanted to say "mountains and seas". [I watched, my innocent self, appear in the story without me] Niwa has no ego, no obsession, and no noble human emotions worthy of praise. When he stabbed the person he thought was his friend for several years, I knew that his heart was barren, with nothing but mud and nothing but himself. Waiting for my response, a reason why I am here Niwa would never admit it. In fact, he never admitted it in actions or words throughout his life, that he regretted it. He refuses to admit that his memories have been tormenting him; He did not admit that his broken heart was questioning him, wanting to get a "reason why he is here." He understood that I couldn't afford it, so he turned around and walked towards the mountains He understands, The Niyu of the past, the Niyu who always regretted the last choice the next time he chose, he understood. He understands that "I" can't give him everything he wants. The current "I", the "I" that collapsed and rotted in the darkness and screamed silently, could not give him anything he wanted, even just a decision to turn around. So he left, leaving behind an empty and selfless Niwa Yu. As a result, "Niwa Yu" became an empty monster on the verge of collapse. Therefore, this empty monster instinctively devours everything that still has a future and self, which is useless and never satisfied. [I listened to that young man's voice, in the past where there was still a future] [Longing for a happy ending, but failing to be myself] "Niwa Yu" has missed a happy ending at countless possible points. What does "Niwa Yu" regret? Do you regret making the wrong choice again and again? I don't think so. The red bird never looks back, never looks back, never looks back. Even if he is given another chance, he will only fly down along the chosen path without any struggle until he crashes into the dark whirlpool, leaving his red feathers as a footnote in a pool of blood. What he regrets may be that the "self who longs for a happy ending" actually existed. It reminds him all the time that there really is such a former Niwa Yu who has a future and a self. "Niwa Yu" is like an incandescent lamp burning mud, making his hollow only hear the sound of wind, making his collapse only ridicule and bravery, letting the rancid beauty in this puddle of mud ferment into a pungent, piercing and harsh thing! A plot that puzzled me at the first watch, couldn't understand it at the second watch, and suddenly made me realize it at the third watch. Hoshino said that Niwa wanted to watch Qingyue struggle, scream and collapse in despair, and watch her cry and regret, to prove that his path was correct. At first, I thought, what path requires Niwa to show power and wealth to Qingxue, let her indulge in desire, and let her fall into the quagmire like Rum did? Did such a realistic, detailed, and long-lasting experience really never happen to Niwa exactly once? Or in other words, with such a vicious and detailed plan, don't you really want to be that charlatan only after experiencing it personally? So I wonder. I wonder what Niwa Yu's path is, what he wants to prove, and what he regrets. If Niwa regretted joining the organization and wanted to prove that he was right to join the organization, how could he use a girl similar to him to join the organization and regret not to prove that he was "right"? ​Isn't this just a replay of what happened? Later I realized, What Niwa wants to prove is not that joining the organization is correct. But "Niwa Yu" is right to abandon self, hope, future and beauty. The so-called existence and non-existence arise from each other, difficulty and difficulty complement each other, long and short compare, high and low compare, sounds harmonize and follow each other... Therefore, without comparison, there will be no pain and happiness, and without reference, there will be no opposite concepts. Therefore, Niwa Yuu wants to give up that "reference object". No, that's not right, it's not giving up. It is something that was not there at the beginning but is seen in others - "self". Only "Niwa Yu" without self will be happy. Only without self is a bright flower in full bloom. Only without self can there be no obsession. Only without self can Niwa Yu be "Niwa Yu". And Qingxue, who still has her own self, will chase what she can't get, chase the life she longs for due to the emergence of self-awareness - and then end up in a terrible end. He hates people who are similar to him but have a strong sense of self. He despises people who are covered in filth but carefully hide a clean place. He laughs at people who can't help themselves but are still struggling. Rather than saying that he doesn't understand, it's better to say that he doesn't want to wake up. He wanted to prove that turning back was wrong. He wants to prove hope wrong. He wants to prove himself wrong. Give up thinking, muddle along, and be a pleasure criminal blindly looking for fun, This is the correct path for "Niwa Yu". The empty and selfless "Niwa Yu" is the most perfect Niwa Yu. Back to the sentence I said at the beginning of the article: In Niwa Yu's life, it was not that everyone left him, but that he left everyone. I always feel that he is lonely, and I can even hear the wind in his heart. But Niwa Yuu probably doesn't care. He is not a naive child who clings to someone when he is lonely, nor is he a common man who desperately returns to the past when he regrets it. He just doesn't care and tells himself he doesn't care. So he left everyone, everyone who gave him warmth and pain, and ended up alone, saying he didn't care. His contradiction is that the life he has been manipulated is what he handed over, and his empty and desolate heart is the result of his own cutting. If he never longed for warmth and happiness, why would he feel pain and regret? But, shush—— Close your eyes and listen to the wind... What is flapping its wings? A red bird that does not look back, thinking that it will not fall if it does not look back. (In addition, I forgot to add a sentence when I was writing it because I finished it in one go: "If the red bird is compared to the more ideal self-Hoshino let it fly, Hanasaki searched for it all his life, Niwa strangled it to death and threw it into the mud.")

This black square is written very well. I don't know whether Niwa agrees with his interpretation of empathy. Anyway, I don't agree. Seeing similar people suffering abuse, pain and even death will cause fear and compassion for life in my heart. There are people who are born without empathy, but they are very few, but Black Fang Dark as gangrene, that is the darkness of human nature. The reasons and feelings they sink in the darkness are actually more complicated, with evil thoughts, but there is also a glimmer of light. Nowadays, many people write villains, which give me a symbolic feeling, just like Niwa said that there is always a villain in shounen comics, and the villain is always defeated. I always feel that after reading this article, I have a deeper understanding of writing villains. In short, it is very well written.

One thing to say, I want to watch OC It's wonderful, the first person is actually playing with the heartbeat (bushi I read the first person version, and there are actually very few self-reported ones. After most of them are brought into the self, they have an extra layer of deceptive filter than reality (I would like to call it "I think") Black's ending in this article is really... Very realistic (TE feeling) emmm Actually, I am a fan of happy endings or HE, but I really feel that TE has the kind of light and mellow staying power that is as light as red wine than BE, which is a bit regretful, but it is also very realistic. (It's a bit sharp, but my writing about the sword is a bit jumpy) ps: It's too long so I won't be allowed to rate it, kuso

So the protagonist was raised by the boss, gin was finally asked by the boss to kill him or commit suicide, Hanasaki was left behind because he wanted to contribute to the darkness, and Chianti Cohen finally died at the gunpoint of each other. A happy ending (red square), but a bit sad

I was really touched when I saw the author asking Qingshan to return the sassy girl to us! Although everyone hates Hongye because of the plot, if she really had a choice, would she really be willing to do such a thing? Girls also have their own lives and friendships! I feel that the author is really a very special and free author.

As a protagonist controller, I managed to dislike this unsympathetic and nasty protagonist. Many self-conceited real or fake wine stories will write about the main character having no empathy or anything like that. The writing is super perfunctory and the writing is very three-dimensional.

Gin, 5 minutes is worth 20 hours (suck it)

The author writes very well, Hoshino is tired, Hanazaki gives up the light, Niwa regrets in Schrödinger, and finally, Hoshino is a really lovable man.

Dada's writing is really good. It's rare for high-quality fan fiction. I'm looking forward to Dada's next work.

(Silently pointing the knife at the author) (Peel an apple for the author) (Sigh) If I want to write an article, I will probably be affected a lot. I agree that the first person is easier to blur emotions. The author is great! Kudos to myself for not crying! I had to take my time reading this book, my heart felt uncomfortable (Ceng Ceng)