The Countdown to My Death Starts with Being a Jerk

[Chapter comments are open, with no restrictions. Updates are irregular.] [Check out the upcoming story The Real Villain Never Looks Back at an Explosion. Blurb below; click the author's profile to go straight to it!] One day on a mission, Jiabai Mizi is told by a hysterical enemy esper: You're going to die! You've only got a hundred days left! His subordinates watching from the sidelines: ? His colleagues arriving to help: ?? The big brother who hasn't recognized him yet: ??? Himself: Heh. After taking just five seconds to defeat every enemy, Jiabai Mizi calmly accepts the fact that he'll die young. He drops all pretense of civility and enjoys a life of shameless mischief. A mission issued personally by the boss? He turns it down. An invitation from Tokyo Jujutsu High? He blows it off. The world is destroyed by an out-of-control superpower? He applauds like a seal. Rather than make life hard for himself, he'd rather make it hard for other people. Life after giving up has become so simple and wonderful. He just doesn't know which kind-hearted stranger sent him a copy of 100 Things to Do in Life. Note: Even if you got a zero on your math exam, your life isn't over. Keep going! Jiabai Mizi is shocked and furious. Damn it! He hid his report card. Which busybody let that get out? You kind stranger, just you wait :) -- [012. Open a shop] The young man kicks the door of an underground exchange flying open, looks down at a crowd of stunned real and fake booze-loving detectives, and coldly lifts his chin. "I bought this shop. From now on, you lot can call me the boss." The king of part-timers in the crowd: Did the boss get hauled to the police station today? He did. [013. Make a best friend] His annoying colleague holds up The Complete Self-Help Manual and cackles. Jiabai Mizi is fed up: Isn't a dead comrade just a best friend? He curls his finger. "I'll send you to meet a ghost. It's free, no need to thank me." Dazai: ? [024. Go skydiving] "I knew you could fly!" As they drop through the wind from three thousand meters up, Jiabai Mizi clings tightly to his good colleague. "See that school on the ground? Blow it up!" Chuuya: Is this why you dragged me out of a plane without any gear? [045. Tell your family you love them] After trying countless opening lines, Jiabai Mizi gives up. He says without expression, "It's gross to say that kind of thing to you." The young master Gojo puts on his sunglasses. Tch, I'm only a tiny bit sad. [095. Apologize to someone you've wronged] Jiabai Mizi: The question was wrong. Everyone should apologize to me. The victims above: Just shut up already! [003. Bravely confess your feelings once] [029. Become friends with an online friend in real life] [033. Listen to music through one pair of earphones with someone you like] After deciding to meet his online sweetheart in person, Jiabai Mizi arranges to meet them at a dessert shop so he can complete all three items at once. Elsewhere, the god of the anime world, who has just teleported to Antarctica after being frightened by a cockroach, falls into deep thought. [:Sorry, give me two minutes.] [:By the way, how about I bring a penguin as a meeting gift?] Jiabai Mizi, reading the message: ? #Mizi: My crush is still so funny. I like them even more. #Saitama: Surprise, it's actually mutual. -- *There are other one-sided crushes. The pairing is Saitama. With Saitama here, of course there'll be a happy ending! *Extremely out of character, a light and sweet story that causes chaos everywhere. Best read without overthinking. The protagonist is imperfect and has questionable manners, the Yokohama Tiger (?). *100 Things to Do in Life is from the internet. -- The Real Villain Never Looks Back at an Explosion After completing his Nth mission as a cannon-fodder passerby, Xiang Ji uses his all-S rating to transfer successfully to-- the Cannon-Fodder Villain Department. The System waves its banner and shouts: [Remember! Our motto is: no redemption, no tragic backstory, no corruption, no misunderstandings. Be the most naturally adorable and pollution-free villain!] [Host, what are you waiting for? Don't just feel excited, take action! The white hole and a bright white tomorrow await us!] Xiang Ji, who has spent ten years cutting fish at a supermarket, remains unmoved: I can't do that, thanks. System: [...] System: [We'll pay you more.] Xiang Ji slams the table and jumps up. "Even if it's a god, I'll kill it for you!" - "The Shadow of Possession and Rebirth" The blond boy with a whisker-shaped birthmark awkwardly wipes away his tears. Though he longs for it, he can only ask cautiously: "Xiang Ji, do you really want to be my family?" Uchiha Xiang Ji, just as little as him, wipes the catlike face clean and smiles. "Of course. Naruto is the most important person in my life." Until a better vessel comes along, I'll protect you, and I can abandon you too. "The Runaway Cursed User Who Idolizes the Strong" "Teacher Gojo is the strongest. If there's something even Teacher Gojo can't do, then the world must be broken." His favorite student has an innocent look in his eyes. Even while controlling cursed spirits to attack his former companions, he gazes at his teacher with adoration. "Two Special Grades aren't enough. If I want to recreate your former glory, what else will I need?" "Oh, right. Someone will have to die." "The Impostor Ghost," "The Spider-Silk Puppet"... You're destined to fail, destined to be despised, destined to become a stepping stone for me. If that's the case, then let me trample you as I keep moving forward. - After the mission ends, Xiang Ji freezes at the buggy rating. Wait, why are they crying? This isn't how it was supposed to go! He chokes up. They're not going to dock my bonus, are they? Waaaah. The System, moved to tears by the tragedy: [...] Look at me. Don't I look like a joke? :) Theme: There is always genuine affection in life.