Third-person, bad ending. Word count undecided; updates whenever I feel like it. I wrote this to lift my spirits, so it will probably be a short story.
Shen Shifei was once a staunch idealist, pursuing romance with unwavering devotion until death.
Later, he became a thoroughgoing pessimist, yet never learned to be more realistic, stubbornly clinging to his own views.
Once, he was the brilliant star of his youth, someone everyone dreamed of having.
He once gently coaxed a shy, weepy little girl, making her smile bloom like a flower.
He also once used his gentleness to make an aloof, unruly, solitary boy bow his head and give him his sincere devotion.
He once received countless flowers, chocolates, and love letters, gently and earnestly turning down the affection of those who admired him.
He was cherished and protected by everyone, the undisputed pride of heaven, a perfect young man. Except that he liked men and had a boyfriend.
Then disaster struck, and his sexuality and photos of him kissing someone were exposed. What followed was endless malice. He fell from the heaven where everyone had adored him into the abyss of hell.
He wept and struggled in the darkness, but nothing could be done.
"I'm sorry."
"I can't escape."
Later, his admirers called him God's favored one, a dove bearing a message, a gift the Creator had bestowed upon the mortal world.
Some called him the "Oriental Rose"; some called him "my muse"; some wanted to lock him away like a bird in a cage; others revered him as a god.
They begged for his affection. He accepted their advances according to his whims, yet looked down on them all the same. They were wounded by his ruthlessness, yet could not help going mad for him. With their shameful, unspeakable, secret desires, they watched Shen Shifei.
Shen Shifei was held in someone's arms as they poured out their passionate declarations of love.
"You belong to me."
"Shen Shifei, I love you."
"Don't leave me, or I'll go insane."
"I don't need your love. To me, it's nothing but a nuisance."
Shen Shifei's bright smile curved across his face, but his eyes held nothing but emptiness.
"They say the soul weighs 21 grams. Is that true?"
"Then let me find out."
[My heart yearns for the world of emptiness, for I am weary of begging for everything in this world.
The sky rises higher and higher, and a human child sinks into the boundless fog.]
Please note:
1. The ending is bad. Updates are whenever I feel like it. I wrote this to lift my spirits, and it's rather angsty. The protagonist dies by suicide at the end.
2. There is no fixed couple. The protagonist lost the ability to love a long time ago. A Fei loves no one, and most of his admirers are pretty awful and not worth loving. A Fei is a 0.5, both top and bottom, and not pure. Readers who require purity, please don't read.
3. The last two paragraphs of the blurb are from "The World of Nothingness" by Edith Sodergran.
4. The background image on the cover is from Weibo user @GeBiHaoDaYiZhiZhu, and permission has been granted.
5. The values expressed in this work do not represent my own.
6. Readers with strong preferences about particular character roles are advised not to read. If you feel uncomfortable while reading, please stop.
Theme: lucidity
