When Dazai Enters the Police Academy

Also known as From the Title Onward, It's OOC, The Vibe Is So Off It Might Never Get Written, One Hundred Percent OOC, Dazai Can't Die, So He Unleashes Indiscriminate Misery on All of Conan, The Black Organization Boss Has Changed Again Today, and so on. Too many complaints to make, and the angst is relentless.

[Reader's Guide]

1. Everyone gets saved, but don't expect Dazai to form a moving friendship with the police academy squad in six months like the traditional sixth-member-of-the-police-academy stories. You might as well expect Mr. Mori to suddenly give up his interests for love (and the object of his affection isn't Yokohama). By the end, perhaps we can get a vague, almost-but-not-quite, maybe somewhat insincere yet somehow careless HE for [Boss Dazai and His Gorilla Classmates].

2. No CP, plot-focused, mainly about Conan and the Black Organization. A large proportion is original content, and the worldview is very, very, very gray. The police academy squad are adults, so there's a chance they might turn gray instead of being as purely good as Conan's side [highlighted]. Don't read if that bothers you.

3. The risk of OOC is 99 percent. The remaining 1 percent is the author swallowing 73 and ZW directly (?);

4. Comments are welcome, but as an extreme Dazai fan, I strictly prohibit anything unfriendly toward Dazai, as well as any disrespectful or insulting comments about any character.

5. The story is nowhere near being written.

6. More to be added if anything comes to mind.

"Go and be a good person."

With the last of his strength, a departed friend pointed the boy stranded on an island toward the road ahead. The light of dusk might not have been bright, but its faint warmth was already enough.

Then, for no apparent reason, eighteen-year-old Dazai Osamu found himself in an unfamiliar world, bound to an idiot System, and dumped in a place that made him so uncomfortable he wanted to stab out his own eyes:

The police academy.

Come on, he was about to throw up.

Would even Mr. Mori laugh at the forced pairing of the words "Dazai" and "police academy"?

System: "Complete the mission, and you can bring Oda Sakunosuke and his five children back to life."

Dazai: "..."

Dazai: Fine.

He'd already planned to learn how to pretend to be a good person.

Since he was here, he might as well give it a try.

Could things really get any worse?

Apparently, they could...

As if he could let these gorillas find peace before him, when he couldn't even die despite wanting to kill himself!

[Mission List]

[Mission One: Replace Hagiwara Kenji and become the MVP of this mixer!]

[Mission Two: Solve this case before Furuya Rei does! Become the rising star of the police force!]

[Mission Three: Become the "bomb-disposal moonlight" Matsuda Jinpei will never forget!]

[Mission Four: Make a new dish that earns rave reviews from Morofushi Hiromitsu!]

[Mission Five: See that white-haired man over there? Make him your dog (crossed out), your Hound!]

[...]

[Mission N: Collect them all! Recruit one undercover agent each from the FBI, CIA, MI6, the Japanese Public Security Bureau...!]

[Mission N+1: Take out that Karasuma and seize his place! But once you're in charge, you have to slack off every day, okay?]

Dazai Osamu slowly typed a question mark.

What? What on earth is wrong with this idiot System?

No, what on earth is wrong with this world?

But when he thought of the dead Oda Sakunosuke, and the gorillas who dutifully accepted every task he pushed onto them, Dazai, with an indifferent attitude, a mischievous desire to torment everyone indiscriminately, and a few barely perceptible ulterior motives, went through plenty of twists and turns to complete the increasingly ridiculous missions almost perfectly.

After all, there was nothing in this world Dazai Osamu couldn't handle.

Except love, and being loved.

If the world turned upside down and time fell into chaos, forcing people who had once been parallel lines to meet, then [No Longer Human] would still be out of place in a world without supernatural abilities. What muddled colors would a drop of dense ink, utterly unlike cinnabar, paint at the boundary between red and black, at the meeting point of good and evil?

Dazai had always embraced death, and lived alongside blood and violence. He was chaos itself, danger incarnate. Wherever he went, there would be bones, thorns, and roaring flames, with demons and monsters vying to outshine one another. It was no place for humans.

A landscape of swords, a hail of bullets, the infernal depths: these were the stages best suited to him. As one of the wicked, he should have been spectacularly defeated by the champions of justice, and, amid a grand display of fireworks, ended his story perfectly alongside his sins, to the cheers of the entire world...

Yet time and again, just as he teetered on the edge of a crumbling cliff, those stubborn gorillas dragged him back to the human world.

---Let go of me! I want to jump into the water!

Dazai, who still can't die today: I'm tired. Let's destroy the world.

Theme: Dazai tries once again to find his way among humanity.