Aries

Baiyang

Ever since Huisheng, my cat, left, I've been very sad. So my mother brought home another kitten from someone, and I named it Baiyang. As for a courtesy name, I'll leave that to all of you.

When I first saw Baiyang, this kitten, who had just turned one month old, gave me quite a fright. I nearly took him to the pet hospital for plastic surgery. What happened? Well, this little rascal had two black oval spots on his forehead, and, even stranger, a tuft of yellow fur between them. At first glance, they looked like a pair of eyes. Add those to his actual eyes, and, good grief, four eyes! A deformity! Oh, no, no, I mean a deformed kitten! Can't be helped, little one. Your owner is a four-eyes, after all. A bit like master and servant sharing the same fate!

When I was little, I read Zheng Zhenduo's “My Family's Cat” and thought that cat was as adorable as it was mischievous. Who knew there was always a bigger fish, or, in this case, a more mischievous cat? How about a Cat King contest to settle it?

VS. No. 1

I hear Brother Zheng's cat used to walk across his writing and leave plum-blossom paw prints. Now let's see what my Baiyang can do. My Baiyang is quite something! Not only can he “paint” plum blossoms on the floor and on my writing, he can sign his name, too! Whenever I finish a letter or a yearbook, Baiyang has to “meow, meow” and sign his grand name: a cat-paw print. (Baiyang protests from the side with a hiss: “That's because you smear black ink on my paw pads and press them onto the paper! How could I dare fight back?” ...

(Silence, brief... Baiyang: Help!!!!)

VS. No. 2

Brother Zheng says his cat is incredibly adorable, so let's see how my cat measures up. (Heh heh, snickering.)

I don't know when Baiyang picked up this nasty habit, but it's given me no end of headaches. Oh, right, don't worry: he hasn't developed a drinking or smoking habit or anything, since his IQ isn't even 250 yet. (A cold claw twitches beside me.) Here's what happened: lately, whenever I come home, I give Baiyang a hug. But he takes advantage of it and rubs himself hard against my lips. A few times, he even... That's downright indecent! (Baiyang mutters: “Well, you always have tasty food and never improve my meals. I'm a greedy cat, after all. But I know that's like trying to snatch food from a tiger...”)

“Who are you calling a tiger?”...

Crash, crash...

Baiyang: “Readers, perhaps we'll meet again in another life...”

VS. No. 3

Mischief has been celebrated since time immemorial. Brother Zheng's cat was pretty mischievous, I suppose, but how could it possibly compare to my Baiyang? Just wait and see.

This rascal Baiyang is quite the troublemaker. Let me give just one example: he has a hobby that's really hard to talk about. He likes to... likes to... crawl into the bathroom! It's simply unbearable. Once, I left the room door open while doing my homework and didn't pay much attention. This rascal slipped away, and when I finished my homework, I couldn't find him. I rushed all over the house in a panic, like a headless fly. Just wait until I catch you. I'll teach you a lesson! As I hurried past the open bathroom door, something white flickered into view. I turned around and there he was. It really proves the old saying: “I searched a thousand times among the crowd, then suddenly turned around, and there the rascal was, sitting on the toilet!” Just look at this cat. He has no dignity at all. Mom says he wants to try sitting on the toilet, too.

(Hello? Do you sell small toilets specially designed for cats?)

Well, do we need another round? It's best of three, so you be the judge! Who wins this “Cat King contest”?

P.S. Anyone who votes for Baiyang gets these gifts for free:

1. A flying kiss from Baiyang.

2. Baiyang's autograph.

3. ...

Anyone who votes for Zheng Zhenduo's cat gets this for free: countless paw prints from Baiyang...

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