Unloved

I have been reading BL for so many years, but I didn't know such a great article. I finished reading it in one go last night. I haven't read such a good article for a long time. I burst into tears... I am your fan! _

Wow, how many years ago was this article?

The part where Shen Fan died made me burst into tears. I cried to death. I wonder if there will be a Su Shichen extra story.

Long comment on the old article, moved back with 0 points, published on: 2009-7-18 23:11:19 Original review: □//bbs. Jjwxc. Net/showmsg. Php? Board=17&id=92875# Well, when I saw the copywriting, I was a little confused. The writing about ORZ and The Killer was really bad. It was almost ruined by the writing. As for Wadi's short-sightedness, he has never seen many books that can really write the charm of a killer. Therefore, Wa wanted to retreat and retreat. Although Wa was half-housed, he was definitely not rotten. (Hiding in the corner, muttering and self-hypnotizing, Wa is definitely CJ, Wa is definitely not rotten, absolutely!) But just from the copywriting, the author's writing style has a light and comfortable feeling that makes Wa feel that Wa's cup of tea, so Wa closed his eyes tightly and clicked on the first chapter with a generous and sacrificial gesture. Then my eyes lit up, the BL of biological robots, I personally think it is quite novel. I just don't know if Biedi Yin has seen similar rice. Anyway, I have never seen anything like this before. Wa's feeling is that of a loyal dog (robot) attacking and a cold (robot) feeling. It should be such a CP, right? Well, the first sentence at the beginning, I personally think it is a little bit pretentious and deliberately exaggerates a sense of atmosphere. Night, half past nine. The night is hazy and enchanting. If Su Wa had just started playing JJ, he might have praised it, what a good atmosphere (==) but Su had seen countless similar scenes. One of the most shocking scenes for Wa was the moment of encountering the devil. Looking at it now, Wa has to say that it was a very embarrassing time. The deliberate artificiality only lost that feeling. Then, Wa felt that the use of "glorious" and other adjectives for the luxury of the "prosperous age" gave Wa a feeling of looking at the nouveau riche. Personally, I feel that according to the author's meaning in the article, this "prosperous age" should be a gathering place for the upper class. It is better to use some plain sentences to convey that low-key and extravagant than gold and gold, which is not easy to fall into the cliché. Well, next, an article should have clear priorities. When the protagonist is clear, the supporting characters cannot be ignored, otherwise it will be different from playing an NC RPG. The author has done a good job here. At least with a few simple strokes, Wa already has the general image of several characters in his mind, and they are all very active. First of all, what stood out to me was the assassination scene, which had a thrilling feel. Wa felt that, in fact, this scene was not so open. There was a lot of room for expansion, and it was completely opened up, which made it even more attractive. The current mainstream of online literature is fast-food literature. If it can attract readers at first sight, many people will actually not mind adding another article to their favorites and posting a few comments. But later in the article, Wa found that Huangfu Shou's image was very distinct, but Mo Yan's appearance was much thinner than Huangfu Shou's. Apart from the indifference expressed in the words, Wa can't see much else in his character. To put it bluntly, he is indifferent just for the sake of being indifferent, pretending to be the same. And except for the first chapter where Wa was a little "amazing", the subsequent plot was accurate, but too bland. Basically, every place was evenly distributed, as if calculated deliberately. When the tide is high, don't focus on writing, and when the tide is low, don't sink too low. Rang Wa didn't have the desire to watch any more. Moreover, the latter part of the abuse feels a bit like asking for abuse on one's own initiative, or abuse for the sake of abuse. After reading the article in detail, my suggestions are probably these. But overall, it is still a good article with good writing style. If it had been written before, I would have followed it. But I really haven't been very cute in modern writing lately, so I can only cheer for the author in my heart.

Long comment on the old article, moved back with 0 points, published on: 2009-07-29 12:55:35 Original review: □//www. Jjwxc. Net/onebook. Php? Novelid=527191 "Not Love" is written with a sophisticated style, the plot is compact, and the story is vivid and interesting. Although the author's column indicates that this is the author's first article, but please forgive us for being presumptuous, Zhuangyao feels that the author who can write such an article must not be a novice. Laugh, it's random guessing, the author doesn't mind it at all. So let's get back to business and start making bricks. The author pointed out a key word of this article "biological robot" in the copy. We feel that this word highlights the uniqueness of this article and highlights the theme of this article. Regardless of the specific storyline, we see that the central content of the story can be summarized as a robot falling in love with his human partner, and then going through some things, and finally harvesting love. There are countless modern danmei articles on JJ. The author ingeniously chose a unique perspective, the love between "robots and humans". This kind of love not only involves the conflict of same-sex love, but the more acute conflict is that of a robot, a thing that can not even be said to be a living thing, falling in love with a human being. Such a conflict is bound to be fierce and can explode with great energy. We feel that this should also be an important conflict point designed by the author. So we have to take the first step - the incompatibility between the story characters and the setting background. Since one of the selling points of this story is that robots fall in love with people, then "robot" should be a very important setting in this article, and it is a part that needs to be specially emphasized by the author. But it is a pity that so far in this article, the Huangfu we have seen is basically a human being. It is difficult to find the characteristics of a robot in him. Although the author keeps mentioning elements such as laboratory data, those are only superficial things and do not really describe the inner characteristics of a robot and the difference between him and normal humans. In the article, the description of Huangfu's emotions due to the inability of his biological components to support machine parts is almost the same as the feelings of a weak male protagonist in ordinary modern novels. In fact, this part can actually be highlighted to be more thrilling and express the close-up of Huangfu's machine. Before commenting on the article, the boss once specifically asked the author about the background of the times, and the author replied that it was modern times. In other words, its essence is still the future society, but because the author's writing overly exaggerates the theme of love and love, the background of the article is basically ignored. In this way, the most gorgeous conflict in this article is not actually written, or it is downplayed. The only thing in the story that reminds readers that Huangfu is a robot and not a human is the reason Mo Yan keeps rejecting Huangfu: "I will not fall in love with a robot." But when Mo Yan finally accepted Huangfu, even these words faded into a gauzy background. And what is finally presented to the readers seems to be just a beautiful story about a killer from a vague era. In fact, this article can be dug deeper. Zhuangyao feels that this article is actually discussing "forbidden love". When discussing this article, the landlady and the boss agreed that the author has a big heart and the story she wants to write is actually very profound. Looking at the lovers in the article, whether it is Li Yun and Xiao Lanxin, or Shen Fan and Su Shichen, they are all forbidden love, mixed with countless difficulties and obstacles. As for the pair of Xia Yurong and Yan Mo, it goes without saying that what separates them is the hatred accumulated by the nation and history. In designing the plot of the story, the author tightly focuses on the narrative of "forbidden love". The taboo point of the protagonists Huangfu and Mo Yan is that Huangfu is a robot. The characteristics of Huangfu's robot are not highlighted in the article. In fact, the taboo points of the protagonists are not written, and the contradictions are not highlighted, which weakens the main purpose of the article and dims the originally shining color. By the way, I would like to add a word about the brick kiln here. In fact, this article weakens not only the taboo characteristics, but also an important aspect. Emotions and conflicts must be expressed through contrast, and in the plot of this article, all the objects are of abnormal love. This is actually a small regret, weakening the background of normal civilization, but failing to highlight the theme of taboo love. In a world full of abnormal sexual orientations, the relationships between men and women are normal. In fact, the normality of the background should be written, so that the love that the author wants to depict can be more highlighted. Of course, it's not that the author didn't write about this aspect at all. In the last few chapters, through the words of Mo Yan's sister, the author actually hinted that social background is actually normal sexual orientation. It's just that the description is too brief and easy for readers to ignore. Next, take the second brick - the main story line is not clear. There is no doubt that the protagonists of this story should be the robot Huangfu and the killer Mo Yan. The search for the traitor is the main line and the main axis of the story, and the tortuous love story of these two is written. The author is really thoughtful in the story design. The three couples mentioned above, namely Li Yun and Xiao Lanxin, Shen Fan and Su Shichen, and Xia Yurong and Yan Mo, not only closely adhere to the theme on the emotional line, but also serve to find the traitor in the development of the storyline. (Although Brick Kiln publishes brick reviews, I still want to give the author a big thumbs up here) But, but! The author breaks up the story of Huangfu's initiative to help Mo Yan investigate the traitors in this story, and uses sporadic dialogue to explain this plot. It is neither clear nor clear, but it feels like letting the readers guess a riddle. Zhuanyao believes that the protagonist's actions should revolve around investigating the traitor, but the author can describe such a wonderful assassination scene, but is a bit stingy in describing the protagonist's actions to find the traitor. Once the two protagonists meet, they fall in love and fall in love. We feel that if the author points out this main line, the causes and consequences, and the development and changes more clearly, will the effect be better? The third brick must be mentioned here - to overwhelm the guest and steal the show. The guest takes over the host, the guest refers to Xia Yurong and Yan Mo, a pair of suffering lovers, and the host of course refers to the two protagonists. In the article, the story of Xia Yurong and Yan Mo takes up a lot of space and writing power. The author writes the story of these two people in a tortuous and moving way, down to the inner conflicts and struggles of the characters. In the second half of the article, these two seem to have become the protagonists, while the real protagonists seem to have become the background, which does not give people a very good feeling. The proprietress sighed from the perspective of a pure reader - why are these two again? Where did Huangfu and Mo Yan go? I want to read their story! Of course, readers have different preferences, and some may like this pair more, but from the perspective of the structure of the article, the description of this pair is undoubtedly overwhelming and too detailed. Speaking of this, Zhuanyao highly recommends the author's writing style of writing about the couple Li Yun and Xiao Lanxin. Through the perspective of the two protagonists, the story of this couple is brought out. The causes and consequences are explained very clearly, and the details are appropriate and beneficial. When writing about the pair of Xia Yurong and Yan Mo, the author chose to write it from the front, as if writing a small story independently in a big story would naturally occupy more space and attention. We have some objections to the author's writing perspective. As mentioned earlier, the story of Li Yun and Xiao Lanxin is written from the perspective of the two protagonists. All the actions of the two ladies are seen by the protagonist, and what they say is heard by the protagonist. Therefore, their stories are attached to the main story and are integrated with the main story. They are coordinated and not obtrusive. When the author wrote about the couple Xia Yurong and Yan Mo, he used a God's perspective (note, I am not talking about Mary Sue's God's perspective as mentioned in JJ, I mean the God's perspective in a serious sense). Their story had nothing to do with the protagonist, so the author simply stuffed the protagonist into a corner to rest. From the discussion of Brick Kiln, I guess the author may have two considerations for handling this. First, the side writing method has been used before. In order to not change the writing technique and blind spots uniformly, the author adopted the same treatment method as in the article. The second is these ancillary stories. The author chose the pair of Xia Yurong and Yan Mo to focus on and write the others briefly, so this effect is produced. But no matter what, Zhuanyao believes that the pair of Xia Yurong and Yan Mo should not overshadow our protagonist. The so-called protagonist, the conflict and love story between them is the most important. Then continue to harp on the fourth brick - the climax is not prominent. At the end of the article, Mo Yan finally accepted Huangfu's feelings and admitted his love for him. This paragraph should be the development that readers have been waiting for, and it should be a climax of the article. But to be honest, here Mo Yan accepted Huangfu's inner struggle and did not show it. Let's analyze several possible factors. First, although there are two protagonists in this article, it is obvious that the author's focus is still on Huangfu, so Mo Yan's psychological activities are less involved. And it seems that Mo Yan is a relatively cold person to begin with. Secondly, it may be the reason mentioned before. The reason why Mo Yan has been reluctant to accept Huangfu is that he is a machine. However, because Huangfu's robot characteristics are not obvious, the conflicts and contradictions here are difficult to intensify, so such a touching moment was written in a calm way. In the last scene, Huangfu died. The conflict in this scene completely gave way to the separation of lovers, and Huangfu's death also felt quite urgent when we looked at it. Of course, the story follows the previous plot closely, but because this chapter actually contains two scenes. The first scene is the life and death between Yan Mo and Xia Yurong. The next scene is the turn of the couple Huangfu and Mo Yan, which inevitably squeezes out the readers' emotions too much, and in the end it seems that it is not sensational enough. In fact, this is also a problem with the structure of the article. Climax is necessary, but continuous climax is not actually a climax for a novel. Huangfu's death also involved a lack of clear foreshadowing. Although Mr. Wen also mentioned Sima Ze before, there was nothing noticeable about it. However, here Sima Ze, as the actual executor of the climax of this scene, seemed emotionally inadequate. Huangfu's death seemed to be the author's decision to let him die, rather than that he must die according to the development of the story.

Present flowers, am I the only one who sees it?

Great, why doesn't anyone know?

It's really well written, I should recommend it.

New here, well written

This article by ivyo is good. The plot arrangement, character setting, and scene description are all very skillful. Although it does not hit the point of Eleven's abuse, it still makes people appreciate it. Last night, I saw it at two o'clock in the middle of the night. Is there any~~The first thing the girl who stayed up late did when she got up was to press her paws. Little Eleven from the collection building has been here~~~ Come on, author~~