White and Disinfectant

Went to see Joe twice, during the holidays. The second time was at the end of the holiday, when the nurse was changing her needle, which was a very thick steel needle. The nurse said her blood vessels had hardened and shrunk. The blood vessel was difficult to find, so the nurse asked me to hold down her leg and prick and pull it out again and again... Her screams... In midsummer, my hands were as cold as her legs, and my stomach was contracting violently... Later, after the needle was inserted, the nurse asked me to press the needle gently so that she could fix it with tape. This may be the first time I feel fear... The nurse looked at me and asked softly: Why are your hands shaking? The day I found out that Joe was leaving, I burst into tears no matter where I was: in the dormitory, classroom, cafeteria, on the road... I couldn't help it. I'm not crying, just shedding tears... Then one night I dreamed that many faceless people were coming towards me, and then I saw her walking towards me among them. I had no feeling of fear at all. It seemed to be a sunny afternoon. I asked her: How are you doing there? She said: Very good. I paused and said: Are you healed? She smiled, as if she was in high school, and said: Of course. Can you get sick there? Wish her all the best.

I am tired and my thoughts are very tired. The cruelty of life has made me strong. Wait until the next life and let me fight with you again. I love my life. Because I have a deep understanding of life, I am more willing to give to you. Because of the fatigue of life, I have more patience with you. Survival is impatient and bound by the actual situation. It is great to learn to adapt to the current situation. Your romance can exist because of your understanding of cruelty.

"Mr." Sand: Hello, I like your thinking. I think we can chat with you because of your personality. Those vaguely understood words, that kind of mentality, that kind of feeling that can only be understood make me intoxicated and make me admire you very much. Looking forward to your reply.

I haven't thought about death for a long time. All you have to do is walk, keep walking. Don't stop. The last sentence reminds me of what I loved a long time ago. I am the smallest among the smallest, the dwarf among the dwarfs, but I am everything. I have somewhat forgotten that state of mind. Death is coming. Talent is born.