A Report on Humanity in High-Risk Worlds

Twins are said to be a curse.

For Orihara Izaya and Orihara Tsukimi, that saying was nothing short of a blessing.

With their uniquely bizarre thought processes, the twins managed to steer their friends down some strange paths:

Suguru Geto gradually turned evil because of the heat of summer: "Non-sorcerers are no different from monkeys."

Orihara Tsukimi: "Hey, what about my little brother?" He sighed helplessly. "Come on, he loves ordinary people so much. He's going to marry all of humanity someday." (Not really.)

So he had a friendly battle with Suguru Geto, won thanks to his twisted brother complex, and successfully awakened his friend's maternal instincts.

Orihara Tsukimi, screaming with teenage angst: "Become a boy mom!!!!!"

Suguru Geto (finally over the summer slump.jpg): ?

I really don't want to admit I lost to this guy.

Gojo Satoru (to the assistant manager): This guy's so weak, he dies way too easily.

The assistant manager was furious but didn't dare say a word.

Orihara Izaya: "Well... the assistant manager is more popular than you, Gojo." He pointed at the chocolates in the back seat. "They got confessed to yesterday. When are you going to stop being a lifelong single?"

Gojo Satoru: "..."

Gojo Satoru: "The strongest must renounce love." (Absolutely certain.)

Orihara Izaya sighed. "What a boring answer. As I thought, I love humanity more than I love you."

Gojo Satoru: ?

What happened? How did I suddenly get kicked out of the human race?

"Hmm... you're a little like a god," Orihara Izaya mused. "But I really, really hate beings like that, so this is unfortunate, Gojo-kun."

His black hair and red eyes became a symbol of evil. The usually easygoing young man sighed reverently:

"If I were strong enough, I really would want to become the person who kills a god."

01:

[If a pendulum swayed between every pair of extremes, then his hobby would be watching it swing.]

"Mmm..."

Tsukimi shifted his gaze from the words on the page to Orihara Izaya's face, making a meaningless little sound that drew the attention of the person he was watching.

"...What are you looking at?"

"That doesn't matter, Izaya." Tsukimi changed the subject. "Speaking of which, you love humanity. Is that okay in this world overflowing with ghosts and monsters? Won't you get so upset you throw up?"

Orihara Izaya looked ready to throw up just from Tsukimi showing concern for him. His expression was foul.

He never got the better of Tsukimi in an argument, and this time was no exception.

02:

Tsukimi held the sheet of paper in his hand over the candle flame. The paper bearing the name [Orihara Izaya] was soon devoured by the fire.

It was no use, he thought. What did it matter if he knew this? Of everyone he knew, no one was like this man, so boldly proclaiming his desires and love.

The candle flame was snuffed out.

In the darkness, Tsukimi Chiminan let out a sigh.

He thought back to when they were still in Ikebukuro, or perhaps even earlier. This information broker had already begun professing his love for humanity.

"I will love humanity forever and ever."

Light, sweet whispers, like maple syrup, wrapped around humanity while they remained unaware.

This was a vow forced upon them by the anomaly known as Orihara Izaya.

Theme: Be yourself and never forget your original aspirations.