With Dazai's Template Loaded, I Keep Devouring Death Flags

Hi, I'm Dazai Osamu. My real name is classified for now, and I'm a hardcore player of Boundless Realm.

I could have spent my days lazing around in the game, but our real-world server was full and couldn't accommodate one more freeloader like me.

So the boss got mad and ordered me to open up a server in the 2D world.

I was totally bewildered when I suddenly arrived in the 2D world, but I kept my mission in mind!

Sure, the 2D world is unstable and full of bugs, but I don't mind. To fix things, I'll use the shell of Dazai Osamu, the embodiment of human darkness, to save the world!

Let's start with a small goal: I'll swallow everyone's death flags. I won't let a single paper person die in front of me!

Gojo the Cat's part:

Shuji, looking innocent: I'm so cute. How could I possibly be the big villain?~

Gojo Satoru takes off his glasses, revealing his Six Eyes, now bloodshot from the strain: Take a look at my overworked Six Eyes, then say that again.

Shuji: Mom! I'm done being human~ I'm going to save the world!

His mother, Tsushima: No! You aren't allowed to leave your room until you've recovered, Aji!

His father, Tsushima: Sure, sure~ I'll support anything my son wants to do!

Shuji: As long as I write a script no one can understand, swallow enough death flags, and run fast enough, you'll never catch me!

+ Ranpo: A script? Heh.

+ Chuuya: Run? Not a chance!

+ Jin: Death flags? Now you're talking. Hurry up and swallow them! Swallow mine, my wife's, and my kids' too! The more, the better.

+ Fyodor: Splendid! As expected of Aji, you can even keep up with my script~ You are my revelation (crossed out)!

++ Ranpo, Chuuya, and Gojo the Cat: Our Aji is still just a baby! Kind Russian man, stay away!

Shuji: I'd finally gotten everything sorted out for all those silly sweethearts at home, so I was ready to run away. But on the way, I accidentally picked a fight with a white-haired, blue-eyed jerk of a cat, then got distracted by a green-eyed, spiky-haired kitten. Somehow I was tricked into the huge pit that is the Edogawa household, where the sharp-tongued cat mom and strict cat dad keep me on a tight leash. I regret everything~

Edogawa Mom smiles brightly: Hmm?

Edogawa Dad pushes up his glasses and says nothing.

Ranpo fumes: Aji really is an idiot!

Gojo Satoru: Aji~ Come let me pet you. My brain's about to burn out~ I urgently need some No Longer Human to cool it down~

Gojo the Cat happily clings to the dove-eyed cat like an octopus, enjoying his cool head and clear vision.

The dove-eyed cat looks utterly resigned.

Chuuya the Cat: Shuji! I can't control Corruption anymore!

The dove-eyed cat grabs him without changing expression.

Chuuya the Cat: Yay! I'm alive!

The long-haired cat in a felt hat cautiously reaches out to touch the dove-eyed cat: Crime and Punishment! Pun...Punishment won't work?

The dove-eyed cat turns around without changing expression: Stare

OOC warning! Seriously, everyone is OOC! I'm a total beginner at writing! Seriously, a beginner! No research, I made everything up, and there's no outline! Major changes! All events are fictional; any resemblance is coincidental.

It might not follow the original plot! It might not follow the original plot!

The characters' intelligence is only as high as the author's, and I really don't have that much intelligence, orz.

Third person. Chapter Two has been changed to second person, so you can read it as a diary of random events, orz.

A story about a kid who isn't quite so pessimistic.

I drew a terribly ugly cover. Oh my god, I can't color! I can't draw hands or people, either. I can't draw anything. Help!

Theme: Break every chain, and you'll become the brightest star of all.