Orihara Izaya Knows Nothing

[I couldn't keep writing my previous novel, How to Get By in Yokohama with a Hottie Profile, but I hadn't yet written the part where my real inspiration was headed. So I've decided to start a new one and use that inspiration here. This is not a secret identity story, not a secret identity story, not a secret identity story. (Important things are said three times, hehe.)] After learning that the Sheep had betrayed Chuuya, and joining the Port Mafia but still getting them to spare the Sheep, Izaya says with a complicated expression, "You're so loyal to the past and so kindhearted. You don't seem human at all. No, that's right, you're not human." "You're like... a dog!" "Honestly, I really hate this sort of thing, little Chuuya." "What do you mean, 'this sort of thing'? And what kind of weird comparison is that? Ah, you're insulting me again! Don't think I can't tell!" "It seems... I can't do this anymore. In my eyes, little Chuuya really isn't human." "Hey..." Since Izaya seems to be his last friend, Chuuya can't bring himself to yell at him. He can only offer a tired, feeble retort. After meeting Dazai: Dazai: "From now on, you'll be my dog, Chuuya!" Chuuya: Kicks him (I'm really sorry, it's a reflex.) After being tormented by Izaya, he develops irreversible PTSD around people with the same personality type as Dazai. The symptoms: whenever certain keywords come up, he instinctively hits Dazai for 99+ damage. Chuuya and Izaya fall in love, while Dazai gets sidelined and tormented (not really). Tormented Dazai: All I can do now is curse helplessly. Dazai: Break up, break up! Izaya: Fight, fight! Chuuya: Kicks him Chuuya: One of these days, I'll kill both of you. Me: Get married, get married! Because Izaya likes observing people, and because he tends to get jumped if he goes out too much, he has no choice but to strike up a long-term partnership with Chuuya. He provides information, and Chuuya does the work. Izaya's first impression of Chuuya: A miserable tool who is constantly rescuing his teammates. He's strong, but not the sharpest. Chuuya's first impression of Izaya: He's smart, but has some weird tastes. Still... he's pretty good-looking. Pairing: Chuuya Nakahara x Izaya Orihara I hereby declare this crack pairing Double Ya! The entire plot is in service of this pairing. If they don't end up together, it definitely won't be my fault. Theme: None