Hell's Dispatch Agent

This story was completed on May 18 and is now behind a paywall.

Another story is linked below: The Book of Zai Zai

Also, check out my friend's stories: The Traveler Opens a Travel Agency and The Gravity User Has Stopped Thinking Again Today

Blurb:

I was promised a quiet retirement, with a little assistant to help me out. So why am I being pestered by a walking mass of negativity?!

Yan Zhi: ...Hozuki, can I request to terminate this assignment? It's too hard.

Hozuki: No. Please keep at it a little longer.

Osamu Dazai: Yan Zhi~ Want to die together~?

Yan Zhi: Get lost!!

Natsume: … (Too scared to say anything, too scared to ask anything.)

Another story: The Book of Zai Zai

Blurb:

The Boss Dazai has a magical book. It lets him see stories about himself in parallel worlds, and is also connected to the question of the world's collapse.

After finishing half a day's work, the Boss Dazai pulled out his book, ready to enjoy a little show starring himself. But then he realized something seemed off about it.

Dazai was baffled. Why had the genre of his book suddenly changed? It was downright painful to look at! What was this inexplicable ghost, and what was this curse spirit? What happened to the long-running series he'd been reading?!

...Wait, changing the cast of the show is one thing, but why does the audience have to go onstage too?!

Holding the magical book in another world, Dazai lowered his head and smiled.

No need to say anything. He'd just throw it away.

Book: ...Don't get worked up, Zai Zai!!

My friend's stories~

The Traveler Opens a Travel Agency

Blurb:

After the final battle, Aether came into possession of a travel agency and sought out the adeptus who had protected Liyue for a thousand years.

"A journey's end doesn't have to mean the end of everything. Would you like to take a special journey with me?"

Facing the invitation, Xiao gripped the jade spear at his side. After a long silence, he said,

"All right."

*

And so, a travel agency named Teyvat suddenly appeared in another world.

Detective Conan

Against the glow of the explosion, Xiao threw his defeated opponent to the ground, then turned to Aether. "Next..."

But Aether was pulling bombs out of Klee's backpack.

Aether was thrilled. "Together?"

Xiao: "...No thanks."

Yokohama

Aether watched Dazai happily eat the dish on the table labeled "The General's Masterpiece," then collapse without moving. Calmly, he took out his phone.

"Hello, it's food poisoning. Does your hospital handle burns?"

Hospital: "...One moment. I'll call the police."

When it was all over, Aether wiped sweat that wasn't even there from his forehead and proudly declared, "I saved the world again today. I really worked hard."

The Detective Conan and Yokohama crews: ...What exactly did you work hard at?

The Gravity User Has Stopped Thinking Again Today

Blurb:

After becoming the boss, Nakahara Chuuya worked himself to death. He thought it was all over, but the moment he opened his eyes, he was staring at Osamu Dazai's face.

Nakahara Chuuya immediately smacked him.

"Is this some new prank?"

Dazai, with a face full of Chuuya's handprint, slowly typed out a question mark.

"Chuuya, did a dog kick you in the head?"

Dazai was certain something was off about Chuuya lately. No matter what he did, Chuuya neither hit nor scolded him, and his reaction was remarkably calm.

Dazai propped his head up and watched Chuuya handle his paperwork, drawing out his words.

"Chuuya~ Such an obedient little doggy~"

Chuuya calmly watched Dazai blow up his car and steal his liquor, and even helped clean up afterward.

Having learned the truth in his previous life, Nakahara Chuuya felt nothing as he watched Dazai act up in front of him.

Tch. If this mackerel weren't going to become a dead mackerel sooner or later, then... Hmph.

But the more Chuuya acted this way, the more Dazai itched to provoke him, until

Chuuya put a hand on his lower back. "So how exactly did things end up like this?!"

Dazai blinked and spread his hands. "Didn't Chuuya agree to it himself?"

Chuuya: "…"

We might as well just destroy it, this garbage world.

Theme: I can't redeem you, but I can stay by your side like starlight