The Pilot and the Superstar

I came here after seeing a recommendation on db. I like the writing style and setting quite a lot, but maybe because this is my wife's first time writing this kind of article, the overall rhythm is not yet adapted to the habits of pure love readers. I will make some small comments and look forward to my wife's next work. 1. The overall story line is loose at the front and tight at the back. In fact, the front is not procrastinating. It is written from the attacking perspective, so Lin Piaofeng's experience has always been suspense, paving the way for the rest. It is natural to switch to the receiving perspective later. But the truth is all piled up in the last few chapters, which is a bit rushed. Compared with the previous pace, it is too fast and difficult for readers to digest. Dai Sizhou's experience of going back is not explained. In this way, the whole thing is a bit inconsistent, but it doesn't seem right to spend a lot of words describing what happened in the Republic of China. You can think about how to grasp this point. 2. I think this subject matter is indeed a bit brain-burning. These people were originally supposed to be in a cycle of time and space, a Möbius strip, until the Japanese broke the cycle for the last time (this is also a bit strange, why didn't the protagonist break the cycle? What happened after Dai Sizhou went back is actually quite important , you can think about it again, maybe you can raise the purpose of the whole article a little higher), everything is back on track. The two protagonists returned to 2021 in an inexplicable and unspecified way. I feel that this is not satisfactory. If the Japanese dies, can the two protagonists return to their time cutoff in 2021? And judging from the text, when the two of them went back, Dai Sizhou traveled through the body and Shen Shanchu traveled through the soul. This is not very reasonable. Looking at it as a whole, there are still a lot of unexplained loopholes or unexplained content. You can think about it again and look forward to the extra chapter! 3. I feel that the issue of the emotional line is more important and needs to be considered more, because I do like DaDa's writing style and imagination, but because it is the first time to write about pure love, the emotional line may not be grasped very well, and the overall emotional line is very thin. First, both sides "don't know the origin of love", but the story barely explains where their love comes from. Shou Gong is slightly better, and some changes can be seen. Gong's love comes too suddenly, and I can't see the emotional bond between the two of them that came from nothing before. There is no ambiguity, lack of tension, and no atmosphere that makes readers excited after reading it (this problem is also related to the length and rhythm, discussed below). Second, there is the issue of pacing. Before Shen Shanchu realized his feelings, the two had actually been in love with each other (about 60 chapters ago). This part accounts for two-thirds of the entire article. This seems okay at first glance, but because of the situation I mentioned in the first point, this part actually does not achieve the ambiguous atmosphere it should achieve, so the subsequent content seems very sudden, and it is even difficult to understand some of the protagonist's psychology and emotions. Then, about 15 chapters were spent describing the dilemma Shen Shanchu encountered when facing one-way feelings and the obstruction of reality. This part made me a little tired and delayed. In the process, Dai Sizhou's contradictory, complex, and torturous emotions were not shown. The state he presented was not much different from that of his agent and Xi Tian, ​​who just refused. Then, when the avalanche happened, Dai Sizhou suddenly realized that this kind of treatment was indeed a bit simple and crude, and there was no emotional foreshadowing in it. To put it simply, because the relationship between the two does not feel natural, it is indeed easy to grasp the rhythm inappropriately. Third, as mentioned earlier, Dai Sizhou's emotions are dealt with very vaguely in the whole article except when he strengthens his mind at the end. The changes in his feelings for Shen Shanchu are not shown, so the performance is relatively stiff at some points (he His overly determination and indifference when he learned about Shen Shanchu's feelings, his sudden epiphany after the avalanche, including his subsequent kissing of Shen Shanchu, their relationship, etc., Every point has a feeling of "It doesn't seem like it should happen" or "It doesn't seem like it should happen at this time"). Although Dai Sizhou is an air force soldier, he is not an emotionally slow or big-headed person. On the contrary, I think he is delicate, sharp and wise, so for some reason, the description of his mental journey is much simpler than that of Shen Shanchu; moreover, Shen Shanchu is only emotionally entangled with Dai Sizhou from beginning to end, but Dai Sizhou, Lin Piaofeng and Shen Shanchu all have feelings, although they are actually the same person. , But Dai Sizhou doesn't know it himself, and he thinks that he has completely different feelings for Lin and Shen. In fact, this is somewhat contradictory, isn't it (according to fate, he should fall in love with Lin Piaofeng whenever he meets Lin Piaofeng), so his feelings should be very complicated and require a lot of pen and ink to describe (but I also appreciate Da Da's description of Shen Shanchu's "moth to the flame"-like emotional outlook, which is very touching). I'm really sorry to ramble on so much. In fact, I often have thoughts of admiration when I read it. I like and admire many of the things you write. The above are just some suggestions after I have read some mainstream pure romance novels and got used to their narrative methods. You can refer to them. I don't know what genre I wrote in the past. I can slowly adapt and adjust to find a style that is comfortable for readers and has personal characteristics. I look forward to new articles!

This story is very good. When I first started reading it, I felt something different. The male characters were well portrayed and none of them seemed too outrageous. Now that I saw it, I realized that it was a male author. Wow, wow, wow, that's rare. I hope I can write better novels in the future.

Dai Sizhou's previous memory of Lin was like a little sun. Lin's sister also said that Lin was quiet and quiet. It seemed that it was really a reincarnation. He was transported to the past and became Lin.

Ah, ah, ah, imagination is such a magnificent thing Want to see the follow-up I don't want it to end too quickly

This Shangguan Qianyang is strange. Is there any connection between him and Shanchu?

Aba Aba Aba Aba I'm confused

Can you still write articles? I really like this article [hug my thighs]

Will there be any extras? Like it very much!!

It's so beautiful, I'll make up for it again!

I rummaged around looking for extras but couldn't find it. A beautiful story with endless meaning.