A Beauty That Could Topple Kingdoms

A Beauty Who Could Topple Kingdoms

"In the north lives a beauty, peerless and alone. At a single glance, she topples a city; at a second, she brings down a kingdom. Would you not know that a city-toppling and kingdom-toppling beauty is hard to find?"

I never knew that this song would determine the course of my life.

I was a consort of Emperor Wu of the Han dynasty. Born into the Li clan, I was known to the world as Lady Li.

For generations, the Li family had served as musicians at court and enjoyed the emperor's favor. When I was born, the umbilical cord was wrapped three times around my neck. I neither cried nor moved, and seemed stillborn. A Taoist in blue robes appeared as if from nowhere and said he had a remedy.

A birthing room was considered an unclean place, yet this Taoist, with his immortal air, had come all this way. My grandmother loved me dearly, so she sent for him to save my life.

I never knew whether I ought to thank the Taoist or resent him.

As he departed, the Taoist told my father that I was destined for great rank, but a short life. My father asked if there was any way to change this. The Taoist said that fate could be changed: I would live longer if I gave up my high status. My father asked what such status would bring. The Taoist replied that it would bring glory to our clan, and my brothers and sisters would all rise in status too, but that great fortune would come at the cost of a short life.

And so my life was decided for me.

I was born to a concubine, not my father's principal wife, but because of the Taoist's words, I was treated like a precious daughter. From childhood, I studied music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, and trained in song and dance. The slightest slackness brought punishment. I never understood why, and my sisters all resented the favor I received.

In private, only my grandmother and mother worried about me. My grandmother would stroke my head and sigh, calling me a poor child. I didn't understand, so I asked my mother. She would only shake her head and sigh.

I rarely saw my father or brothers, except when they came to inspect my lessons. I didn't know why they were forcing me to practice. My eldest brother, Li Yannian, would say each time that I was growing more beautiful. My father would smile and nod beside him. They seemed very pleased with themselves.

After my hairpin ceremony, no one came to ask for my hand, but my father and brothers didn't seem to mind. All my sisters were married, while I remained hidden away in the inner chambers. When my mother mentioned it to my father, he laughed and said, "How could an ordinary man hope to marry a woman who could topple kingdoms?"

Everyone said I had a beauty that could topple kingdoms. I didn't know; my sisters had never praised me. Only my mother would sometimes stroke my face, lost in thought, and sigh. I stopped asking questions.

In truth, I already understood my mother's worry. In a world where men ruled and women were inferior, a woman's only way to gain status was to serve men with her beauty. But when beauty fades, so does love.

I just didn't know it would happen so soon.

One day, my eldest brother, Li Yannian, sang for the emperor: "In the north lives a beauty, peerless and alone. At a single glance, she topples a city; at a second, she brings down a kingdom. Would you not know that a city-toppling and kingdom-toppling beauty is hard to find?" After hearing the song, the emperor sighed for a long while and asked my brother if such a beauty truly existed. My brother only smiled and said nothing. Princess Pingyang, the emperor's elder sister, told him that the beauty was Li Yannian's younger sister. The emperor then summoned me to the palace.

That night, our home was unusually lively. My father and brothers gathered in the main hall, beaming with joy. They ordered the maids to bathe and dress me, and said I would enter the palace to meet the emperor at dawn.

So that was it. I was a pawn in their hands.

At dawn, as I said goodbye, my father, brothers, and sisters were all beside themselves with excitement. Could these people, their eyes glittering with greed and their hearts full of ulterior motives, really be my family? Only my grandmother and mother had tears in their eyes.

Enough, enough. If this was my fate, I would go along with it.

I wore my hair loose, lightly pinned, and draped a silk scarf over it. Dressed in a purple court robe, I went to meet the emperor. The palace was full of women in elaborate finery; only simplicity could seem graceful. As our eyes met, I saw astonishment and terrible desire in Emperor Wu's gaze. His eyes were like lightning, like swords. I dared not look at him.

I was afraid of him.

Emperor Wu was about my elder brother's age. His elegant bearing had the refined charm of a middle-aged man. He smiled warmly, took my hand, and sighed, "You truly are a beauty who could topple kingdoms!" His hand was warm and strong, warming my icy fingertips. But I was afraid of him.

I lived with Emperor Wu in Jianzhang Palace, never leaving his side, day or night. Everyone in the palace tried to curry favor with me. A Jiao and Wei Zifu were no longer even a memory. Everyone said I was his most beloved woman. My father, brothers, and sisters had gotten their wish. But I alone knew that to Emperor Wu, I was no more than an ornament, a songbird. He loved my face, but he didn't understand me.

One afternoon, after I finished singing and dancing for Emperor Wu, he praised me, saying I moved like a startled dragon and flew like a soaring swan. Then he took off his sash and tied it around my waist. Startled, I asked why. He said he was afraid I might fly away on the wind and leave him. A sash tied around the waist was not the same as a wedding knot. They were not one and the same. A faint ache stirred in my heart. He was the only man in my life.

I smiled softly. The emperor asked what had made me happy. I told him I had once written a poem and wanted to recite it for him.

Flowers grow everywhere beneath the sky, each vying to win your favor.

A beauty who could topple kingdoms is rare indeed. Why should I be ashamed of my looks?

The emperor laughed when he heard it, saying that only I could say such a thing. "In the north lives a beauty, peerless and alone. At a single glance, she topples a city; at a second, she brings down a kingdom. Would you not know that a city-toppling and kingdom-toppling beauty is hard to find?" I laughed along with him, but tears fell from my eyes. My heart died a little more with every moment, and he never noticed. He was not the man for me.

Later, I carried a child for ten months and gave birth to a son. The emperor was delighted and grew even more devoted to me. But my health worsened, until I was confined to my sickbed.

My sisters all came to the palace to be with me. When the emperor came to visit, I refused to see him. He forced his way into my room, but I turned away, covered my face with the quilt, and tearfully begged him to leave. He pleaded with me, promising gold, silver, jewels, and titles for my son and brothers, just to see me once. I wept as if my heart were breaking, but still refused. The emperor went away disappointed.

My sisters all asked why I was defying the emperor. I told them that a woman who served a man with her beauty would lose his love when her beauty faded. If the emperor saw how sick I looked now, he would surely be displeased. It was better to refuse to see him, so that he would forever remember my beauty and cherish my love, and would continue to care for my young son and his uncles. I told them all this only because I wanted them to leave me in peace.

My illness grew worse and worse, until I began coughing up blood. I knew my time was near. It had all been arranged long ago: great status, short life. How could someone whose heart had died go on living for long? I was glad I wouldn't have to wait until my beauty faded. Perhaps Heaven had treated me more kindly than A Jiao and Wei Zifu.

Late one night, I quietly slipped away from everyone and went to see the emperor. He sat at his desk in his study, unaware that I was watching him from outside the door. I knew he was not the man for me, but I couldn't bring myself to let him go. I still wanted one last look at him. Then I went to see my child. He was sleeping soundly. I only hoped he wouldn't grow up to be like his father.

Emperor Wu had too many desires. I could neither compete with them nor claim his heart.

Lady Li died young, and the emperor mourned her deeply. He wrote "Autumn Wind Song" and had the palace women sing and dance to it: "The orchid is lovely, the chrysanthemum is fragrant. I think of my beloved, and cannot forget..."

The Li clan grew proud and extravagant with its high status, and was eventually wiped out.