I Wish to Become an Immortal: A White Snake Tale Retold

What's the most sickening thing in the world? Until today, I would've said “cockroaches”... But now I can only tell her through my tears: What's so bad about cockroaches?! Who didn't watch The Legend of the White Snake as a kid? Who didn't love the White Snake and Xu Xian most, and hate Fahai most? But can someone tell me who these people are, laughing more slyly than foxes, looking so scheming, behaving so terribly, and being so incredibly lazy? My idols were beautiful, reality is cruel, and the truth is downright “thunderous”! Under the oppression of the forces of evil, our freshly minted little snake spirit sets off on a “twisting,” “long” journey to “seek the Way” and “become an immortal”: First, take a part-time job as a matchmaker? Work for the Old Man Under the Moon? Second, help the deer boy pull weeds? Work as a gardener for the Old Immortal of the South Pole? Third, carry a bottle for Guanyin Bodhisattva, because the Jade Maiden is on leave? Fourth, report to the Netherworld Palace and work as a soul-reaping messenger, full-time?