The Big Shots Held a Funeral for Me

1. The white-robed immortal who saved your life when you were a child has occupied your thoughts ever since. When you grow up, you find him and seek his help, asking him for blessed water to cure an illness. You admire and love him, but he points his sword at you and forces another man to marry you... 2. The young swordsman fell in love with you at first sight. He swore to marry you and treated you with care. You could accept his violence and cruelty, his hot-and-cold behavior, but could you accept... that he loved you only because you looked like the woman he truly loved? 3. Forget it. Time to run. You swallow your pride and go to the person whose life you once saved, hoping he still feels indebted to you and will take you away. But he rejects you. What a bunch of bastards. You don't want any of them. That day, the demons invaded and chaos engulfed the world. You charged alone into the front lines with your sword, blew up your spiritual core, and perished alongside thousands of monsters, leaving no body behind. Later: The young swordsman rushed madly into the flames, but all you left him was a letter ending your engagement. The white-robed immortal cried himself blind for you, then burned himself alive on the mountain while clutching your belongings. Even the assassin who once rejected you massacred a village for your sake, abandoned his sword, and waited in an empty city for someone who could never return. And after blowing up your spiritual core, you were reborn in the flames, free to live as you pleased. If old acquaintances come looking for you, you're ready to give them a bad-ending script at any time. Once isn't enough. You'll make them suffer again. [Everyone gets their comeuppance. The first and second male leads have their ashes scattered. The endgame pairing is Jin Shisi.] [Cover art by Hua Zhongjin-A Tang.] [Reasonable negative reviews are fine. Don't come here to insult me if you've read a pirated copy. No holier-than-thou remarks or personal attacks against the author.] Here's a recommendation for my new novel: What Harm Could a Little Mermaid Do? Tianxi transmigrates into the storybook as a mermaid princess. After saving the prince, she's supposed to seek out the sea witch and pay a terrible price to become human so she can get close to him. In the original story, the prince doesn't know Tianxi was the one who saved him. On the eve of his wedding to another woman, he stabs her in the back. Just after transmigrating, Tianxi hears the sea witch's voice: "Let me repeat that. Your wish is to become human, and you're willing to pay the price of losing your voice, becoming mute, having your tail cut off, and walking on knife edges with every step. Is that right?" Tianxi: "...?!" I am not! I didn't! "Great Sea Witch, you must have misheard," Tianxi says sincerely. "My wish is... give me one handsome, gentle, wealthy, powerful partner with a vast territory who doesn't mind that I have scales and fangs, or that I have to drink a bowl of blood every morning, and who shares my temperament. One would be fine, but a whole group would be even better." The sea witch: "...A whole group?" "They should live in a castle, too, so I can be a proper princess." "Hmm..." "Would this wish cost me anything?" "Can you get a mouthful of blood from your partner?" Tianxi pats her chest and promises, "That's easy!" That very night, Tianxi appears in the vampire king Jian Yu's castle, in his... bathtub? For tens of thousands of years, no one had dared covet Jian Yu's blood. When Tianxi leans toward his neck and sniffs, he thinks he's going to snap the little brat's neck. But later, Jian Yu blushes as he takes Tianxi's hand and lowers his neck to her fangs of his own accord: He won't let go until she bites him. (A ridiculous, sweet romance.) Theme: Actions have consequences, and justice will be served