Years Gone By

*What’s it like having a mother who prays to gods and believes in religion? Guard against fire, thieves, and Xie Yao: a full package of isolation and house arrest. *What’s it like when even Xie Yao herself doesn’t believe she can save her own life? Everyone gets dragged into it, and it takes everyone to bring it all down. *Shen Ci was the first "outsider" Xie Yao had ever met. She was the one who broke her vow, the calamity fate had failed to keep from her. The two went from childhood sweethearts to the end of the road: one married into the Eastern Palace, the other imprisoned there. Xie Yao risked her life to save him, only to have a blade pressed to her throat three years later. After that, one was imprisoned in the Eastern Palace, while the other took control of it. Xie Yao watched helplessly as he took one step after another toward destruction. Even giving her life could not bring him back to the world of the living. The copper bell startled her from a dream. Xie Yao returned to the year she was twelve. They lived together in Changgan Lane, two innocent children without a care between them. She understood now. Someone whose mind could so easily become twisted needed treatment as early as possible. "I’ll light a lamp for him and keep watch over it. This time, I won’t let it go out again." "Yao Yao, wake up. We’re home." White jade cups, peach-blossom wine. What did three years of drunkenness matter? The old year departs, the old dream fades. Across lifetimes, we share one pillow, one dusk and dawn. *For Shen Ci, from the moment he entered the capital as a hostage, it was as though he were walking on thin ice. Walk long enough, and you are bound to grow tired. You need something to hold on to, or you cannot keep going. That was why he met Xie Yao. She was the one he trusted above all, his place among the living. *This is the story of a heroine who only pretends to be withdrawn, believing she has been saved, but ultimately turning around to save a hero whose mind can easily become twisted. Reader's guide: 1. Sweetness with a little heartbreak, delicious enough to crunch. (Weibo: @Jinjiang Xue Mantou) 2. A little angst in the previous life, healing after being reborn. HE guaranteed! 3. The previous-life story is a little long. The heroine is reborn. 4. The Crown Prince is the second male lead. In her previous life, the heroine and the Crown Prince were married in name only. My new novel, "A Manual for Playing Pretend Together in the Eastern Palace," is up in my author column. Feel free to check it out! *Xian Chi died on the night of her wedding to the Duke's heir. As she neared the end, she thought back on her life and suddenly realized it had all been like a dream of fleeting glory. Three years earlier, the Chi family had brought her back to the capital, then sent her to the Eastern Palace under an assumed name. She lay low by the Crown Prince's side, waiting for a chance to pull Ning Xun from his position. Under the Chi family's watch, she had played Ning Xun for three years, convinced she had never slipped up and had perfectly portrayed a woman deeply in love. Except that sometimes, for a fleeting instant, the sharpness in Ning Xun's eyes, not yet concealed, would startle her. It was as if he had known all along that she was merely a hidden piece on someone else's chessboard, and that he was only playing along, putting on an act. After a great fire in the Eastern Palace, she completed her mission and left, then married into the Duke of Zhenguo's household, only to die on her wedding night. *Xian Chi woke up in the carriage on the way back to the capital. In her previous life, she had lived as if trapped in a fog, dragged forward by others. Given another life, she wanted to see clearly every road beneath her feet. If so, she might as well stay in the Eastern Palace a little longer. All she had to do was act in front of Ning Xun. It was easier the second time around. *In her previous life, Xian Chi had been kept in the dark and knew nothing of so many things. For instance, she did not know that not long after her death, the new emperor took the throne with an iron fist. It was the very man from the Eastern Palace who had supposedly died in the fire three months earlier. On the seventh night after her death, on a snowy night, the new emperor stood alone, holding an umbrella over her grave all night. It was because, on a snowy day in the Eastern Palace while waiting for him to return, she had once muttered that she disliked getting snow all over herself because it made her cold. After that, he never made her wait again. But he could never wait for her again, either. *Bonus scene: Not long after Xian Chi entered the Eastern Palace in her previous life, she made plum-blossom pastries herself and brought them to the study. Ning Xun smiled as he accepted the box, then guided her hand as they drew a winter-counting picture together. After returning to her room, Xian Chi told her maid, "Bring me a damp cloth. I just touched something filthy." In the study, Ning Xun did not even look before handing the box to his trusted aide. "How could I dare eat anything of hers? Take it out and feed it to the dogs." As the pastries were being tossed to the dogs, Xian Chi's maid happened to see them. She reported it to Xian Chi, who only replied cheerfully, "Oh, I was planning to feed them to the dogs anyway." This time, Xian Chi got sidetracked for quite a while before remembering she had yet to bring Ning Xun any food. If the Chi family's spies noticed, it might make her look like she was shirking her duties. But she had barely spent half an hour in the little kitchen. She was so out of practice that she had not managed to make a single presentable plum-blossom pastry when Ning Xun walked in. He picked one at random from the pile of charred pastries, took a bite, and praised it without changing his expression: "Delicious." Then he took her hand and led her outside. "You've been kneading the dough for a while. Be careful not to hurt your hands." Theme: Believe in fate, but don't surrender to it.