The Hilarious Kaifeng Magistrate's Court

Four pillars of green bamboo, A dashing royal cat and the Five Rats. So what if the heroine is useless? Watch me bumble my way through Kaifeng! What happens if you would rather descend to the eighteenth level of hell than drink Granny Meng's soup? What comes of bargaining with the King of Hell? Just look at this unlucky woman. She gets kicked into the Song Dynasty, sent running for her life with no time to adjust, and saddled with babysitting on the side. She has neither breathtaking beauty (not in the cards) nor a remarkable life (not up to the task). But even a useless heroine has her dignity. She struggles to survive against every adversity with the tenacity of a cockroach (maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration). All she really wants is to hold on to the memories she can't bear to forget and live an ordinary life. But why, after stubbornly crossing a thousand years, does she find herself back where she started... The cover isn't the point, and you can skip the blurb, but you absolutely must read the reader's guide. There are quite a few rules, so please read them carefully before starting. 1. This story has no all-powerful heroine, just one useless heroine. She's plain-looking, annoying, and talks more than a teahouse. If that's not your thing, don't read it. 2. This is a silly wish-fulfillment story with no logic whatsoever. I can't guarantee it won't contain anything shocking. If you can't handle that, don't read it. 3. This is a clean boy-girl romance, and it will stay that way. If you like BL or want explicit scenes, don't read it. 4. This story doesn't fit neatly into any category. It counts as romance, but there's no romance between a man and a woman; as martial arts, but there's no peerless kung fu; and as fanfiction, but it strays from the original. Think carefully before you start. 5. This story is now behind a paywall. The full story costs 7.8 yuan. If you'd like to read it for free, leave a splendidly long review to tempt the author. A limited number will be given out each month, first come, first served. (Please make sure you're logged in!) 6. If you don't know how to top up your account, look here: http://www.jjwxc.net/help/help3_4.php (They say online banking is cheaper than paying by phone.) 7. You've read all six rules, so now the bumpy journey begins. Go on, work up your courage and click through. May you enjoy being delightfully flustered. The custom edition is now available. As promised, its ending differs from the online version. Thank you for waiting and supporting me all these years. The author bows deeply. Theme: