[Crossover] Saving the Various Batmen

Oh, come on!

Is Batman really this crazy?! Huh?!

The Batman Who Laughs, Red Death, Dawnbreaker, The Murder Machine...

Why are there so many of them?!

My superpower is that the Batman Who Laughs is madly in love with me [wants to hold me in the palm of his hand, protect me at all costs, and do whatever I say].

Back then, naive little me didn't take the words in brackets seriously. Then I met Batman, and my heart nearly stopped.

:) Screw this. Whoever wants to deal with crazy Batman can take him off my hands!

I'm not the one you should ask to save the world!

:) Every time, Batman sneaks out to have fun while I'm asleep, then comes back completely bonkers.

:) Oh, screw right off.

So much for the job perks. This isn't me sucking Batman's blood, it's Batman sucking mine, isn't it?!

System: Your Dark Batman will arrive in three seconds. Please be ready.

Me: Refuse delivery. Keep away from me. [Three-part profanity warning]

Author: You're sucking up to Batman every second of every day, sob [jealous]. How does it feel? Do you feel like you've reached the pinnacle of life?

Me: Heh. Do you want to? Want to take my place? I'll let you have the chance. :)

Author: No, no, I couldn't handle Batman. I'm out.

[Attention, attention, attention! I haven't seen Batman, nor have I read the comics, movies, TV shows, cartoons, or anything else. Everything comes from fanfic, so... I don't really know what's going on with the Dark Multiverse Batmen. I just saw some writers doing a Dark Multiverse Batman team and got carried away with an idea. So none of this is real, I made it all up.]

[Massive OOC warning!!!!]

[This might be a Mary Sue story, so please be warned. There may be all kinds of potentially uncomfortable content. If you can't handle that, please move along.]