When Nonhumans Become Gods

A story about the gods during the age of deification, set in the world of the Chinese animation Fei Ren Zai.

Before his suicide, Lotus Ba was an ordinary child who laughed and cried. Well, an especially mischievous child, who couldn't go three sentences without mentioning his big brother and slept hugging a portrait of him. After his suicide, he had no expression and ate himself, terrifying everyone. One of his skills: crying without changing his expression.

The eldest brother, Jin Zha, has a rather unusual way of thinking and comes with his own sparkly, glittering skills. He cares for his brothers, but can never get them to care about him. As the most sensible of the brothers, the second brother Mu Zha has a hard time dealing with his unreliable elder and younger brothers. He's the nurturing, worrywart type, always tidying things up without thinking. But come on, this is a battlefield, not a stage!

Yang Jian, the eldest disciple of the third generation of Yuxu, loves fluffy things and loses control (and all ability to fight) whenever he sees one. That's how he ended up swallowed by the Ferret Badger. He also disrespected his elders and clashed with the Great Scholar, who was then still Cihang.

Poor, weak, and helpless Jiang Taigong, an old man over eighty, still has to help his senior brothers look after their kids--

The Twelve Golden Immortals: What? We take disciples to shield ourselves from calamity? These brats are the calamity! Boys this age are supposed to be mischievous. Jiang Ziya has to look after one anyway, so what's the difference if he takes a whole bunch? Let's send them to him and give ourselves a break.

So Taiyi Zhenren, master of the number-one brat under heaven, was the first to send his disciple over. Then Manjusri Guangfa Tianzun and Puxian Zhenren sent Jin Zha and Mu Zha over too, saying it was so the brat's older brothers could help. Yuding Zhenren said, "Don't worry, Ziya. I'll send their eldest senior brother, Yang Jian, to help you."

At first, naive Jiang Taigong believed them. But after Yang Jian came down the mountain, he never trusted his senior brothers again. As a result, even centuries after the Investiture of the Gods ended, poor Jiang Taigong would hide whenever he saw his senior brothers. For example, the first time Yuxu disciples met the Four Unlike:

Nezha: The Patriarch's mount. I want to eat it. Wind Fire Wheels, go!

Yang Jian: It feels pretty nice to pet.

Jin Zha: Nezha likes dragons. Let's dress the Four Unlike up as a dragon to cheer him up.

Mu Zha: Sure, big brother. I'll draw it on.

Four Unlike: Wah, wah, I want to go home.

The poor old deer nearly ended up as barbecue. It barely escaped, only to have Yang Jian rub all its fur off. Just when it thought it could catch its breath, it ended up under Jin Zha and Mu Zha's thumb.