My Disciple Has Broken Down Yet Again

--Tentative blurb Xie Qingyi, the top online celebrity celestial master of the 23rd century, was struck by lightning and transmigrated while attending a commercial ribbon-cutting ceremony. Before he could laugh three times at having survived the disaster, the lightning bolt that hit him actually started talking. Unknown creature -> Lightning: Baidu says you're the last inheritor of the Taoist tradition from ancient Earth, versed in its teachings, knowing astronomy above and geography below, able to divine the past and present and predict fortune and misfortune. So you must know how to educate the doomsday demon who kills without blinking and wants to destroy the world into an upstanding young man with good values! Xie Qingyi, who paid Old Wu five hundred yuan for a set of fake credentials: ▼_▼ Since the System didn't have enough energy to send the wrong person back, Xie Qingyi was stuck with a useless cheat that could only let him repeatedly be reborn. He gritted his teeth and got down to his old line of work. Xie Qingyi, cool and otherworldly: I now formally take you as my one and only personal disciple. Though the road leads to the ends of the earth, you must never betray me. [Ding! Congratulations on successfully reforming and taking Disciple Wu as your “one and only” disciple. Please note that your “one and only” disciples Jia, Yi, Bing, and Ding are on their way, weapons in hand. Be sure to protect your life in the Shura arena!] Xie Qingyi, devoted to fortune-telling and charlatanry for a hundred years: ... --You never said there'd be anything like this when I signed up. In one sentence: Taking disciples feels great for a while, then everything goes up in flames.