Heart Demon

[First published on Jinjiang. Please do not repost in any form.]

All nightmares come to an end, but longing never does.

The serious version:

Duan Shouran: Core Socialist Values!

Lu Mingyuan: The Celestial Masters of Longhu Mountain and Maoshan magic!

Duan Shouran: Believe in science.

Lu Mingyuan: I'll take the supernatural.

Duan Shouran: If you practice feudal superstition and get hauled into the station, I won't bail you out. This is actually great...

Lu Mingyuan: If you promote science and education and get trapped in a magic array, I won't come save you. This is actually great...

Duan Shouran: Why do we have to hurt each other?

Lu Mingyuan: Because you're so good-looking!

Duan Shouran: We're brothers. We'll face trouble together!

Lu Mingyuan: We're friends. We'll fight ghosts together!

One year later

Lu Mingyuan: Tell me, what am I to you?

Duan Shouran: A Daoist priest I know.

Lu Mingyuan: ...I even brought my household registration book, and that's what you say? Are you trying to fly up and stand shoulder to shoulder with the sun?

Duan Shouran: No, right now I just want to dive into the sea and kiss a turtle on the mouth.

Lu Mingyuan: Can you stop insulting me in such a roundabout way?

Duan Shouran: That would take away so much of the fun.

Lu Mingyuan: ...Jerk!

P.S. HE