[Crossover] The World's Stairway

Let's talk about the disadvantages first: First, the work is positioned as a novel, and the most important thing about a novel is the plot. In this novel, the story is too weak. It has nearly 30,000 words, and almost half of them are descriptions of clothing and appearance. The story is weak. If you take the story alone, at present, it is just that a character drawn by a cartoonist becomes an entity. This character has a deeper relationship with the cartoonist in his past life, and then takes the cartoonist to other places. The author's descriptive language is not bad, and the description of clothing and interior settings is good, but what's the point? Such too many tedious and straightforward descriptions of clothing and furnishings will only give people a sense of weakness, without telling the story, and are naturally unattractive. Secondly, most of the audiences for novels are readers, and there are very few novels that are only intended to express the author's own emotions. This novel does not capture the reader's attention. Although the author's diction is okay, it is too cumbersome. Readers cannot see the key points when reading the article. I have already written nearly 30,000 words, but the work is still full of details. The voice actors should also be described, and the roles of the protagonist and insignificant people are almost equal. In this way, the whole article seems flat, weak, and lackluster. Third, the creation of characters in the novel. Isn't the most important thing in a novel the characters? Without characters to drive the plot, the plot will feel stuck. Thirty thousand words into this novel, the character's personality still hasn't emerged. At 20,000 words, the protagonist's character should be clear, but this one doesn't. It seems that only the protagonist is a cartoonist, a potential cartoonist, but there is no character of the protagonist, and the supporting character has no character, or no character can be seen. So what if the supporting character is given the skills of a snail girl? The character of the supporting character cannot be seen. When characters without character interact with each other, the plot created is flat and weak. If it were changed to the protagonist painting, and then the person in the painting suddenly appeared, startling the protagonist, and then kindly helped him clean the house while the protagonist was asleep, and the protagonist woke up to talk and laugh with him, etc., The plot would be much more vivid and rich. Because it scares the protagonist, the process of the protagonist talking to him can not only make the plot lively, but also reflect the character's personality. Don't use narration and psychological description, let him speak for himself! The author seems to be trying very hard to portray or create a Japanese comic style of slow and narration. The creation of this style must be reflected in the characters' every move, rather than relying on words. Because if the style created by the text drowns out the characters in the work, the reader will feel suffocated. Looking at the whole plot, the characters and the plot look like they are sick, without any vitality and vitality, as if they are moaning without any illness. In addition, the logic is also very stuck. That person wants the protagonist to leave, so the protagonist will leave? Even the most familiar people should ask where they are going and what they are doing. Can you not use the dream method and be more explicit? Because the previous text was too hazy, and then it will give people a foggy feeling. A moment of haziness will make people curious and appetizing, but a constant haze will kill the fun. I don't understand, why does the author say so many irrelevant words? He wants water even if he is afraid of water, and he specifically explains it in one sentence? Even if there are echoes later, we still have to find a time to explain it. Why is it explained in the first chapter or so, and when the readers are unprepared? Then, this novel defines Danmei as pure love. What a fujoshi wants to see is how two people fall in love. The love process. To put it bluntly, the author uses his own skills to make two people who don't love each other temporarily fall in love with each other through a complicated plot. This complicated process is the most exciting. OK, the author already knew that the two of them had feelings for each other as soon as they came up, and they even had a connection a long time ago, so that was a foreshadowing. What the fujoshi is waiting for is to see the process, and you can just post the results. There is also the entire writing style, a melancholic writing style. If it is pure love, forget it, but when you first come up, you have a depressive writing style, which is really unacceptable. I read it twice. People like me who like refreshing writing cannot accept this depressing writing style. Continuing, the positioning of the work is an imaginary world. If it is an imaginary world, the world structure must be clear, or in other words, the author must have a map of the world structure in his mind. In most of the fictional online articles I have read, the author can explain the general structure of the world in almost the first three chapters, or in other words, what forces are there in the world, who controls these forces, how many forces are hostile to each other, and how to rise from one force to another. However, this author's fiction makes me feel empty and not structured. Emm, how can I put it this way? The person in the painting can become a concrete person. This setting is actually quite popular, but the author's writing is too dead and lifeless. If there are other restrictions, such as why it can become a specific person, what functions the people in the painting have, and how to discover it, if there are restrictions, the quality of the work will be improved. The next chapter will detail the shortcomings: The feeling of the first chapter is, first, cumbersome. The first paragraph is description, the second paragraph is description, the third paragraph is description, and the fourth paragraph finally shows the name of the protagonist. Why spend so much time describing this kind of thing? The first chapter is so precious. It is used to attract readers. What attracts them is the plot and the personality of the characters. It is not based on vague descriptions of interior decoration. Moreover, I am really tired from watching it. What is a truly good article? It is fascinating. When people are immersed in it, they will relax and follow the actions of the protagonist. The more you look at this person, the more tired you become. The first half of the first chapter is written like a biography. Please, can these explanations be explained entirely by plot? Does what this person wears affect the plot or the character's personality? Does it have any implications for the story? What's the point of writing meaningless words, especially when the plot is not highlighted at all? People who read it will vomit blood. Also, doesn't the author feel that his understanding of comics is very low-level? You say he is a new cartoonist so-and-so. Does the author know that "new" means that he has just appeared and has great potential? He is already so prolific, why did he just appear? Okay, we won't use this word anymore. I want to ask again, can he highlight his comic skills by looking at the computer works with full concentration, and the colors clashing with each other without being dazzling? Comics are not like this. You can say that the lines are smooth and concise. Just move the mouse and a flowing line will appear. Let's take a look at your descriptions, budding cartoonist, concentrating on drawing, being productive, etc. Can this not be the case? It's too dense and spread out. The first chapter says that he is a cartoonist, and the next chapter writes about how good his drawings are. This person will create a three-dimensional sense. Writing intensively all at once can feel overwhelming. Could you please stop describing it directly? Don't tell me that his tall figure looks cute when wrapped in a quilt. Can you use specific actions and language to express his cuteness? If you say he's cute, then he's cute? Sorry, I don't think it's cute. Because you have been describing it from the beginning, giving people all kinds of words, paying full attention to it, and being straightforward and brilliant. To express concentration, you can say that the cat at home is running around, but he is unmoved and looks at the computer intently, which is more vivid than if you throw out a word. When you use such words to describe it, you cover up the important plot at once. Since you said that the male protagonist took in this cartoonist, and the cartoonist gave a straightforward smile, didn't you want to show that this person is a new cartoonist? Then you might as well describe the person, the image of this person, and his straightforward smile in the first paragraph. When readers are mentally prepared, they won't find it abrupt when you suddenly smile like you do in comics. After all, the male protagonist is familiar with this person's straightforward smile in the comics, but the readers are not familiar with it! Can you lay the groundwork first? Once the readers know how touching this straightforward smile is, they will be able to understand that the male protagonist was moved and took him in. Otherwise, I can't understand it at all. There are too many abrupt words in this first chapter. There are too many flaws, too many meaningless descriptions, lack of powerful descriptions, and no outstanding and distinctive character personalities. The only attractive thing is that cartoon characters can become real people, but the author did not grasp this highlight well. In addition, the author's style of this article is somewhat standard, but there is no good plot, and the description is very vivid. Unfortunately, without distinctive characters and plot, no matter how good the description is, it will become out of time. Then, the author's control of the rhythm is too poor. The rhythm of the entire article is slow and boring. The places where the waves are changed are very flat, and the flat places are too flat. It feels like the entire writing style cannot be promoted anyway. Promise Studio—Commentary on Qu Shui Liu Shang

Oops, it was actually repaired? More perfect

Blablablabla a lot, waiting for praise~

Ahem, cough, cough, I forgot to comment on the article. The writing is delicate and simple, and the plot advances layer by layer. It's great! Link after link always makes people want to read on. I'm tired of it, I'm tired of it, I'm tired of it! The article's plot coherence, paragraph description, character description and atmosphere rendering are also very good! And you are still so hot and low-key Let me tell you, with such a beloved author, such good writing style, and such a good plot, this article is going to be popular, I bet you three packs of spicy strips! Still the same sentence Come on! One day you will be "titled on the gold list" PS. If you are cultivating immortality, we can do both! Hee hee hee hee

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