Don't Look Down on Old Folks [GL]

Please add my new story to your reading list: Love Doesn't Get in the Way of Cultivation. It's a sweet story.

Cooking in the Human World

Inspired by: I was flipping through the Classic of Mountains and Seas and saw all kinds of bizarre creatures. I kept thinking that this animal's meat must be crispy, or exceptionally chewy, and that it could be stir-fried, steamed, or braised. I especially love Sichuan cuisine. The geese at the zoo got me thinking about where to cut into their thighs. Since I can't do that in real life, I had to find somewhere else to imagine it.

Protagonist: Bai Ze, a food-loving mythical beast and the last of her kind to walk the world.

I cook in the human world, work as a personal shopper in the human world, and moonlight as a ghost-hunter and demon-slayer in the human world. My greatest wish is for world peace, so my wife will have time to spend with me.

Bai Ze shrugs: I don't know why these humans think my food diary is some kind of strange fantasy novel. I open the Classic of Mountains and Seas, utterly confused. It's all food in there! Food! Every dish is something I've personally gone out and found, one step at a time.

Bai Ze is a divine beast by birth, who understands all things and knows their past and present forms. (That's because she's a glutton.) She is the founder of all exorcists, born with the ability to dispel demons, ward off evil spirits, capture ghosts, and set up formations. See Records of Strange Tales.

When Bai Ze appears, all demons submit.

A note before reading: This is a modern cultivation story. Most of the content and setting are my own inventions, mixed with elements from the Primordial World. I've basically let my imagination run wild. The gods and monsters in it come from the Classic of Mountains and Seas, the Huainanzi, and the Record of Ten Continents Within the Seas. They might look familiar because I found most of them in those books. My younger brother and I came up with the setting together.

Blurb:

Title One: Don't Look Down on Your Elders

As the last god in the world, I think I should correct one thing about you modern people.

- You over there! Yes, you! What are you doing showing so much skin?

- And you! Why did you tear two holes in perfectly good pants?

- You want to wear shorts too? Aren't those two pale legs glaringly bright?!

You've really made me furious. Do you think you can look down on your elders? The worst part is, those freeloaders in Heaven moved away just to avoid paying my wages. Damn you, Boundless Heavenly Venerable!

Modern Demon Realm Management Office: The old fossil's back. Put on some more clothes.

Title Two: I Feel Like I Missed Something by Being Preserved as a Cultural Relic

I only drank two jars of Thousand-Year Drunk, so how did I end up the last immortal left?

The whole world has changed?!

Look at those humans over there. Even people in ancient times dressed more modestly than they do!

And those iron boxes that run all over the place, and those iron lumps flying through the sky. Am I still drunk?

Most importantly, those freeloaders in Heaven moved away just to avoid paying my wages. Damn you, Boundless Heavenly Venerable!

Modern Demon Realm Management Office: The old fossil's back. Put on some more clothes.

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