Xiao Baihe, who loves to read comics and has drooling dreams all day long but is also very realistic at times, was taken to another space for no reason, and then. . . . . .
Conception:
Reader comments
Let me explain first (definitely not an excuse!!!). Due to the heavy traffic in Jinjiang, I can't connect to the web page every time. I haven't been here for several days in a row... There were various errors when I watched it today, which is so annoying!
Let me talk about my first impression before watching it.
Xianxia is not a cool subject, but the girl's first chapter has very low clicks. That's because some people don't want to see the title of the article, or they put a cross when reading the copy. I didn't like the title of the article, so we went back and looked at the copy. The content and attributes were all good, but it was a bit nondescript when labeled as a fantasy online game. There is no focus. Although there are many cute points, they are not concentrated and make people look a bit confused. The bulletin is marked NP or something, which is a big shock to readers who are disgusted with NP. If it were removed, wouldn't it be better to let readers experience it in the text themselves?
Bottom line: The copy is messy and may bore some readers.
In view of the nature of the article, you might as well remove the introduction, annotations, and announcements, and adjust some fonts to make the copy concise and clear without revealing too much about the main line of the article. (Personal suggestion)
Check out the clicks for other chapters. In Chapters 4 and 5, the number of clicks decreases greatly, excluding the factors of interruption or correction of typos, then it is possible that someone abandoned the article in these two chapters.
Tell us about the content of the article. The setting of the first chapter is a bit confusing. I couldn't understand it at first, but later I understood that this is a story about a system. But I don't understand a bit. The heroine remembers all the memories of the third life, but it doesn't seem to bring her any benefits. I can only say that she is special, but it is not reflected in her character. Is this setting a later suspense, or is it just a puppet attribute that was not thought through?
In the third chapter, it was said that she had lost the memory of her third life. Now that I have lost it, how can I remember the contents of other things (entering the game system and remembering the memories of the first three lives)? Is it because you couldn't express yourself clearly, girl, or did you miss some important information?
In fact, I still don't understand what the boundaries of relaxed writing are. At least when I read the girl's writing, I didn't feel that the language was easy to make people laugh or anything. I can only say that the protagonist Xiaoxian is very lively and has a bit of an elf feel. There is a deliberately relaxed feeling, but in fact there is no real humor. It will only accidentally create a novice atmosphere... Orz, girl, do you understand what I mean? I feel that the girl's language is not very mature, and the narrative is a little confusing. She narrates things from Xiaoxian's perspective, but she obviously doesn't control it very well. After looking at it, I think it is due to the segmentation. Some paragraphs can be put together, but the girl separated them. The actions of the paragraphs have no subject, which makes people feel a little, um, not so natural to accept.
Language summary: The paragraphs are messy and miscellaneous, resulting in a somewhat scattered structure.
Let me give you an example. In Chapter 7, the chapter about landing, from the perspective of the fairy in Chapter 6, it suddenly jumps to the perspective of the fisherman. In terms of separation, it is quite good! O(∩_∩)O Dan Su, then turned to Xiaoxian, first talking about her feelings in the belly of the fish, and suddenly a sentence came out. I originally thought it was her, but the next paragraph said it was from the mouth of the palace maid. This misleading visual confusion is what I call unnatural acceptance.
Then there are the characters who appear suddenly. Without introducing the background of the incident in advance (this seems to be a common problem of many people), the characters are introduced and the readers can figure out their identities. For example, Xiao Qiu suddenly appeared in the kitchen. What is her identity? Although he is just a passerby, a transitional character, but he appears out of nowhere, don't you think it's weird and weird? Then how did the little fairy come out of the fish's belly, and why did he sneak into the palace? Girl, please at least explain it a little bit and don't let us figure it out! ! (Who is Xiao Qiu? Who is Xiao Qiu?! What is the purpose of the sudden appearance of a passerby!!! Since it is Xiaoxian's perspective, why doesn't Xiaoxian describe Xiaoqiu's movements?!!!) This is perspective confusion, girl!
Later I found out that the function of the bracelet is to collect people, but the girl explained it very vaguely. Let the character enter the story without explaining the identity. Girl, you can go and see for yourself. This happens in almost every chapter. The perspective is also confusing. Xiaoxian is the perspective, but the psychological activities of others (Ling Feishuang, Gong Yunci, etc.) Suddenly appear. This is also the case in almost every chapter.
Let me talk about a bug that I am more concerned about. Even if no one looks at the things in the palace, palace staff will tidy them up every day. Therefore, even if the books on the bookcase have not been read for a long time, there will not be thick dust = = (Of course, the possibility that the people in the palace in the overhead background are lazy = =)
I told the girl honestly that I had only read Chapter 14. (The shop doesn't stipulate that you must read it all, but I think it's almost enough. If the girl feels something is wrong, you can leave me a message in the shop's group chat. I'm sorry in advance. If you have any objections, you can complain to the shop owner.)
The description of the girl is quite good, and the characters' personalities are quite prominent. After reading at least a dozen chapters, I quite like the character Xiaoxian, and the sinister ways of the men are also revealed. The story of the game system is very cute, and as a reader I really like this kind of subject matter. It's not a matter of subject matter that the article is cold. You might as well read more good articles written by other people to develop a sense of language and so on, and then read it through when posting to prevent it from being fluent.
(In a low-key manner, I would like to add that after receiving the comments, please go to the shop to receive the review - By Ah Qian - Illegal Party Long Review Shop)
The girl must be a very cute person! ! ! Xiaoxian is very cute! ! ! It can also be seen from the back that the girl has been slowly improving! ! ! I wish the girl good luck in writing and keep improving! ! !
Let me explain first (definitely not an excuse!!!). Due to the heavy traffic in Jinjiang, I can't connect to the web page every time. I haven't been here for several days in a row... There were various errors when I watched it today, which is so annoying! Let me talk about my first impression before watching it. Xianxia is not a cool subject, but the girl's first chapter has very low clicks. That's because some people don't want to see the title of the article, or they put a cross when reading the copy. I didn't like the title of the article, so we went back and looked at the copy. The content and attributes were all good, but it was a bit nondescript when labeled as a fantasy online game. There is no focus. Although there are many cute points, they are not concentrated and make people look a bit confused. The bulletin is marked NP or something, which is a big shock to readers who are disgusted with NP. If it were removed, wouldn't it be better to let readers experience it in the text themselves? Bottom line: The copy is messy and may bore some readers. In view of the nature of the article, you might as well remove the introduction, annotations, and announcements, and adjust some fonts to make the copy concise and clear without revealing too much about the main line of the article. (Personal suggestion) Check out the clicks for other chapters. In Chapters 4 and 5, the number of clicks decreases greatly, excluding the factors of interruption or correction of typos, then it is possible that someone abandoned the article in these two chapters. Tell us about the content of the article. The setting of the first chapter is a bit confusing. I couldn't understand it at first, but later I understood that this is a story about a system. But I don't understand a bit. The heroine remembers all the memories of the third life, but it doesn't seem to bring her any benefits. I can only say that she is special, but it is not reflected in her character. Is this setting a later suspense, or is it just a puppet attribute that was not thought through? In the third chapter, it was said that she had lost the memory of her third life. Now that I have lost it, how can I remember the contents of other things (entering the game system and remembering the memories of the first three lives)? Is it because you couldn't express yourself clearly, girl, or did you miss some important information? In fact, I still don't understand what the boundaries of relaxed writing are. At least when I read the girl's writing, I didn't feel that the language was easy to make people laugh or anything. I can only say that the protagonist Xiaoxian is very lively and has a bit of an elf feel. There is a deliberately relaxed feeling, but in fact there is no real humor. It will only accidentally create a novice atmosphere... Orz, girl, do you understand what I mean? I feel that the girl's language is not very mature, and the narrative is a little confusing. She narrates things from Xiaoxian's perspective, but she obviously doesn't control it very well. After looking at it, I think it is due to the segmentation. Some paragraphs can be put together, but the girl separated them. The actions of the paragraphs have no subject, which makes people feel a little, um, not so natural to accept. Language summary: The paragraphs are messy and miscellaneous, resulting in a somewhat scattered structure. Let me give you an example. In Chapter 7, the chapter about landing, from the perspective of the fairy in Chapter 6, it suddenly jumps to the perspective of the fisherman. In terms of separation, it is quite good! O(∩_∩)O Dan Su, then turned to Xiaoxian, first talking about her feelings in the belly of the fish, and suddenly a sentence came out. I originally thought it was her, but the next paragraph said it was from the mouth of the palace maid. This misleading visual confusion is what I call unnatural acceptance. Then there are the characters who appear suddenly. Without introducing the background of the incident in advance (this seems to be a common problem of many people), the characters are introduced and the readers can figure out their identities. For example, Xiao Qiu suddenly appeared in the kitchen. What is her identity? Although he is just a passerby, a transitional character, but he appears out of nowhere, don't you think it's weird and weird? Then how did the little fairy come out of the fish's belly, and why did he sneak into the palace? Girl, please at least explain it a little bit and don't let us figure it out! ! (Who is Xiao Qiu? Who is Xiao Qiu?! What is the purpose of the sudden appearance of a passerby!!! Since it is Xiaoxian's perspective, why doesn't Xiaoxian describe Xiaoqiu's movements?!!!) This is perspective confusion, girl! Later I found out that the function of the bracelet is to collect people, but the girl explained it very vaguely. Let the character enter the story without explaining the identity. Girl, you can go and see for yourself. This happens in almost every chapter. The perspective is also confusing. Xiaoxian is the perspective, but the psychological activities of others (Ling Feishuang, Gong Yunci, etc.) Suddenly appear. This is also the case in almost every chapter. Let me talk about a bug that I am more concerned about. Even if no one looks at the things in the palace, palace staff will tidy them up every day. Therefore, even if the books on the bookcase have not been read for a long time, there will not be thick dust = = (Of course, the possibility that the people in the palace in the overhead background are lazy = =) I told the girl honestly that I had only read Chapter 14. (The shop doesn't stipulate that you must read it all, but I think it's almost enough. If the girl feels something is wrong, you can leave me a message in the shop's group chat. I'm sorry in advance. If you have any objections, you can complain to the shop owner.) The description of the girl is quite good, and the characters' personalities are quite prominent. After reading at least a dozen chapters, I quite like the character Xiaoxian, and the sinister ways of the men are also revealed. The story of the game system is very cute, and as a reader I really like this kind of subject matter. It's not a matter of subject matter that the article is cold. You might as well read more good articles written by other people to develop a sense of language and so on, and then read it through when posting to prevent it from being fluent. (In a low-key manner, I would like to add that after receiving the comments, please go to the shop to receive the review - By Ah Qian - Illegal Party Long Review Shop) The girl must be a very cute person! ! ! Xiaoxian is very cute! ! ! It can also be seen from the back that the girl has been slowly improving! ! ! I wish the girl good luck in writing and keep improving! ! !