I have sat before Si Yu's grave thousands of times, staring blankly at the sky as memories of our time together play in my mind like an old movie: her bright smile, her pearly white canine teeth, her puffed-up face when she got angry, like a little frog; the blush of shyness that covered her face on our wedding night; and the boundless darkness, as her body slowly grew cold in my arms...
Each time my tears welled up and poured out, I was left at a loss, her final broken words ringing in my ears:
No matter what, you have to live on bravely.
But again and again, a thousand times, ten thousand times, I ask myself: Why should I keep living bravely? There are many people in this world I can't bear to leave behind: my elderly mother, my childish younger sister, and Aunt Ouyang, who treats me like her own son. But you, the one I cherished most, have already gone far away from me. You once said we would grow old together. You once said we would stay by each other's side for a lifetime. But now, in this bustling world, I am the only one left to savor this long yearning and sorrow, guarding the warm memories of the past bit by bit with what remains of my life. When I think of Sanmao, who forced smiles for her family after He Xi died while allowing her heart to slowly grow cold, until she finally left a world that no longer belonged to her, I finally understand the release that comes after despair. Everything in life suddenly becomes clear. I take out my gun, press it to my temple, and slowly pull the trigger with a smile
"Bang."
For the last time, I look up at the sky. It is still so bright, still so warm.
