[Crossover] Satan's Thorn

I've never complained... really!! Believe this honest face of mine [serious] I used to think that as long as I followed Jehovah, worked for my daily bread, waited to die, and devoted my whole life to God, everything would be fine! But I never imagined that all I had to do was change jobs and get a new boss, and somehow I'd really sell myself to him, shell and all! Please take this boss who's rutting in my bed off my hands! I earnestly beg you all! (???ε?? In short: a motivational story about someone who transmigrates into Hebrew mythology, catches Lucifer's eye, and gets whisked off to Hell along the way. The above is the literary version. The high-energy version follows, so put on your protective gear! And now, the goofy version! Once upon a time, there was a little person who transmigrated! Unfortunately, he ended up in Hebrew mythology! Then God discovered him, promptly and thoroughly wiped his memories, and made him one of his so-called [Glories]. He worked for God in constant fear... Later, he befriended a great bro, [Morning Star] Lucifer, but before long his bro fell! His bro was overcome by the dark, brooding feeling of, 'I've fallen, so why won't you come with me? You're so heartless, unfaithful, and unreasonable!' He dragged me down with him. Afterward, I thought he'd finally settle down and stop causing trouble, but instead he went head-to-head with God for real and got his divine soul shattered into pieces, gloriously dying in the process... Poor me, an angel, had to look at Hell, as bleak as ever, while the demons eyed me hungrily. I had no choice but to shoulder Hell's mess myself, then nervously play the mastermind holding the whole operation together. Once I'd finally gotten everything in Hell settled, God barged into Hell with a bang and flat-out told me, 'You have to find Lucifer and bring him back. After all, he bears the divine status of King of Hell. If he doesn't return, the whole Three Realms will stop functioning, so I'm counting on you. You must bring him back,' and so on. What the f***?! As a shut-in, I say you're asking way too much of me. Is it still too late to blow myself up? (P.S. This story has normal values, no Mary Sue, and no wish fulfillment... The protagonist is normal too.)