The Tale of Noble Consort Zhao

Find the story you want to tell - Comment on "The Legend of Concubine Zhao" By rice If I were to describe my deepest impression after reading the entire story of "The Legend of Imperial Concubine Zhao", it would be the word "scattered". At the beginning of the article, the author lays out a lot of information. The Shen family, Youzhou, the Minister of War, King Li, Su Shen, the eldest princess Xuanming, the empress. The first two paragraphs only have a few hundred words, so that's all. At the end of the first chapter and the beginning of the second chapter, the author introduces the six sons of the Shen family and a bunch of people in the harem one by one. There are more than a dozen people in total, filling the reader's mind. At the beginning of the third chapter, the author uses the actions of the male protagonist to string together the harem again. To be honest, when I saw this, I was completely stunned by the amount of information. I'm sure other readers are no better. At that time, I wanted to tell the author that the way you present information is very problematic. You must know that there is a difference between the reader's reading of the text and the author's writing of the text. As the author, when you write these, these may have gone through your mind countless times, but it is the first time for the reader to see these nouns and get to know these characters. If you are not a genius with a photographic memory, it is impossible to remember all the words you have read. So you have to extract the key points, sort the information, hide the ones you don't need for the time being, and then throw them out when you need them, don't talk a lot at once, and so on. But when I read the whole article, I found that the six sons of the Shen family who had to waste the efforts of the eldest son to remember them played almost no role in the article, and few of the concubines in the harem that were remembered after the eldest brother's efforts were of no use. The Zheng Guiren at the beginning was completely missing from the rest of the article... This is very scary. This is not just a matter of the method of presenting information, nor is it simply a matter of not extracting the key points, but... The author seems to not even know what the focus, or main line, of this article is. Fighting in the previous dynasty? Harem quarrel? Are the male and female protagonists in love? To break down the plot of this article, it basically consists of these three lines. Most Gongdouwen basically have these three lines, but they are usually divided into priorities. A major flaw of this article is that not only are these three lines indistinguishable, but they have almost the same proportion, and they are almost always three lines in parallel. The male and female protagonists build up their favorability, talk about their past dynasties, fight with the people in the harem, the male protagonist and the female protagonist improve their favorability, talk about their previous dynasties again, and the people in the harem fight again... The plot keeps jumping between the three lines, and the readers' attention is constantly diverted. One chapter jumps at a time, and there is almost no experience of following a plot. In the process of this chapter jumping, the connection between chapters has been severed. Often, event A is introduced at the end of one chapter, which just arouses some interest, and then immediately jumps to event B at the beginning of the second chapter. This is a really bad reading experience. Moreover, most of these three lines are not about the protagonist, but about the supporting characters. For a long period of time, the heroine has been in a state of "I will just watch you do it quietly". The level of participation in the plot is not unavailable, but it is far less than that of the supporting characters. Most of the plots are about supporting characters playing against each other. Occasionally, they accidentally bump into the heroine. Before the heroine has time to show off her power, and before the readers have time to feel aggrieved for the heroine, the hero settles the matter. From the beginning to the end, almost no one of the supporting characters can make it through a chapter if they try to make things difficult for the heroine. This makes the point of this article very disjointed. The reason why the heroine is a heroine is the natural focus of the reader's perspective. It is difficult for readers to care about things that the heroine does not care about. Plots in which the heroine's participation is low will be difficult to cause emotional fluctuations in readers. This also makes the plot of this article very fragmented. There is only one heroine, but there are so many supporting characters, but it is not the heroine but the supporting characters who set the rhythm. One person leads one wave, and another person leads another wave. The heroine just goes with the flow, wherever she goes. Even outside the three lines, there are many plots surrounding supporting characters. For example, the six sons of the Shen family mentioned earlier. I said that they had almost no effect. The author may be dissatisfied. After all, the author actually spent a lot of ink on them, such as Lao Wu and the princess, such as Lao Qi and Mr. Lu, and even an extra story about the second sister-in-law, which took up three whole chapters. But do these words and ink contribute to the plot of the article in any way? No, these are just their own stories. The six sons of the Shen family who have spent so much time creating their real role in the plot are actually only the confrontation between the previous dynasty and the Huo family and the final rescue. This real function has been overlooked by the author. It can be seen that the author has thought a lot around this article. In addition to the six sons of the Shen family, many of the characters have their own stories. This should be a good thing. If you write a good skeleton, these side stories can serve as good flesh and blood. But because you currently lack the overall planning of the main line of focus, it is like missing the skeleton, and only the flesh and blood is presented after rubbing it. You can imagine what kind of effect this will have. That's why I wrote this essay. There are many characters in this article, but the utilization of the characters is shockingly low. This article has a lot of plot points, but it doesn't do a good job of connecting them in series and cohesively, with a hammer in the east and a stick in the west. To solve these problems, you first have to know what kind of story you want to write. In other words, find a core that can govern your entire text. No one can help you with this, you have to find it yourself. Only by finding this core can you know how to design characters and plots around the core storyline. Rather than like now, I write the characters and plot points as soon as I think of them, hoping that I can just pile up a story line, but then I lose it without knowing how to use it later. If this sequence is wrong, various problems will inevitably arise. I could have ended it after saying this, but in the end I still want to complain about the male protagonist. It can be felt that the author worked hard to make his relationship with the heroine sweet, and also worked hard to create an image of him being shy and awkward in front of the heroine. However, it is difficult for people to buy it because it is inconsistent with his personality. Readers all know the virtues of a man with several children in his harem, but you describe his behavior in front of the heroine as if he were a virgin. This deviation makes people very uncomfortable, weakens the cuteness that these performances should bring, and makes people feel hypocritical and artificial. In addition, the emotional line between the male and female protagonists is really rough. In fact, there are a lot of things that can be explored deeply between these two people. For example, the heroine hates the hero calling himself me, the conflict between the two about trust, and the hero wants to have a child with the heroine but the heroine is a little sad because of it. The sudden spiritual connection can reveal a lot of delicate psychological activities, and can even reveal the character's personality. However, the author almost brushes it off in one stroke, and instead spends a lot of pen and ink on the male protagonist's little thoughts that are not in line with the character and the female protagonist's gratuitous infatuation. It is really a pity. But this is just my last little complaint. Compared with the main line being scattered as mentioned above, it is not a big problem. I hope the author can bring us better works after accumulating more writing experience.

I'm really annoyed by the emperor's character. He has a complete set of wives, concubines, and children, but he still pretends to be affectionate towards the heroine. The ending now is very good. She became the Queen Mother at a young age and has all the glory and wealth. The ending is better than other Gong Douwen. I read other stories where the heroine was a concubine, and the hero of the emperor slept with all the concubines. He gave birth to many children, and the women slept a lot. The heroine fought with others to the death, and her hands were stained with blood. In the end, the hero stopped playing and fell in love with the heroine. It is simply ironic.

I hope the heroine will not be written as a Mary Sue

I hope the heroine will not be written as a Mary Sue

I hope the heroine will not be written as a Mary Sue

I always want to torture the emperor wwww

Very good spread of flowers🌸

Such a talented person is now in such a position of competing for favors, I feel a little sad for Hanguang

Will the author write the next article without any miscellaneous people, just the male and female protagonists who are sweet together (.ớ₃ờ)Pel

It can be seen that the author wants to describe the warmth and warmth between the male and female protagonists, but there are so many women in the male protagonist. Wouldn't it be disgusting for the female protagonist to express his feelings after sleeping? The male protagonist has a wife and children. What position does the female protagonist put in it? Doesn't he feel awkward sleeping with other women? I feel sick. The heroine is very talented and capable, wouldn't it look ugly to be a mistress? Somewhat difficult to understand