[Reborn!] Deep Love

Really good writing is not made by so-called gorgeous words. Author, you must always remember that what you write is a novel, not prose or good words and sentences. Don't write some descriptions that are unnecessary. Short stories are inherently short, so please don't pile descriptions that do not advance the plot and have no use into the text. This will not show the author's control over the text, nor will it play any role in the coherence of the plot. In my opinion, the real problem of the author's entire article can be summed up in two words - compelling style. Of course, the so-called strong style is not something you can just pretend to be. I don't know if you, the author, have looked back at your own article, or if you have realized that you have made mistakes in many places that people cannot bear to look at. So how to improve your performance without making strange mistakes, let's talk about the following points: [1] It is best to avoid areas that you are not good at. Even if you really don't want to avoid them, please be patient and read the information. The most obvious part of this line is at the beginning, "What's even more ridiculous is that the conspiracies and lies buried in these voices of different loudness are still functioning as atomic nuclei, swimming around under the shell of water molecules." These are the author's original words. In fact, there are atoms in molecules. Atoms are composed of nuclei and electrons. Electrons revolve around the nucleus... How can a normal nucleus swim under the shell of a water molecule? Another example is at the ball, "The golden light from the chandelier in the hall has been cut and shrunk, and it is filled like diamonds in the burgundy liquid in the goblet. This is the gift of the noble lady Hua Gui, which confuses every guest." Judging from your description, the author should want to write about a lavish banquet, but it is a pity that the details are not enough to support the word "luxurious", and the atmosphere is not well stimulated. It is recommended that the author pay a little attention when he really wants to write these contents. Even if he uses Baidu, it is okay. However, if he has read the information carefully and still has a partial understanding and is not very good at it, it is best to use his strengths and avoid weaknesses... After all, not everyone can see the problem. The purpose of writing these things is to improve the quality and not let some small mistakes ruin the good atmosphere. [2] Please be as precise as possible in your wording, and the same goes for your rhetorical techniques. Many words may look good, but they may not look good when used in the text. In the same way, if rhetorical techniques are used well, they are a stroke of genius, but if they are not used well... They become failures. Here I will also give some examples. At the beginning of the article, "The dance hall was as quiet as unheated cold water", "But Asano Creek knew that they would boil soon. The vaporized water vapor swirled upwards and carried out molecular diffusion motion." What kind of effect will these rhetorics produce together? The dance hall is equal to cold water. The cold water will boil and vaporize into water vapor. Finally, the dance hall becomes water vapor and can also undergo molecular diffusion motion. After such a careful analysis, author, have you figured out anything? The two questions before and after both involve the beginning of the full text. Should the author pay attention to it? Although the beginning sets the tone of the full text, he should also pay attention to his own writing style. There is also the part "The golden light from the chandelier in the hall has been cut and shrunk, and it is contained in the wine-red liquid in the goblet like diamonds." Can the light be cut? If it could really be cut, would she be in the liquid or on the surface? Does the author realize that while you are trying to improve your writing here, you are also unintentionally lowering the quality of your full text? Another example is "Asano Kei has been accustomed to painting the skirts of this noble lady with bright red dye." The bright red dye here, if you guessed it correctly, refers to blood? So "used to" means more than three times, and "this lady" refers to the same person. Is this really a good description? There are quite a few similar parts, such as "seeing a new guest coming in", "eyeballs blooming with brilliance", "eyebrows blooming like roses in the darkness", which seem to create an atmosphere, but if you look closely... It feels weird. It is suggested that the author should consider the words a little when writing. At least the eyeballs will shine and the like should be used as little as possible. After all, short stories are actually read word for word by most readers. PS: Logically speaking, it should be the charm rather than the glory. [3] Please try not to pile up sentences where possible. The shortest length is only the plot and connotation. Mousse has said before that good writing does not come from stacking up, and short stories are too short, so all the words should be of use value as much as possible. However, the author's article, obviously, has not yet achieved this. For example, "In a daze, Asano Kei suddenly made a sound, and then didn't want to continue." Obviously, the problem can be solved with one word such as "He hesitated to speak," but the author used a whole "ruinless" sentence. Another example is "Appearance is such a superficial thing that it seems insignificant: Asano Kei's side head" should be written about the characteristics of the skylark after the colon, but the author uses action description instead. Moreover, in fact, the characteristics of Skylark are not described at all, and the context is not coherent at all. Moreover, I don't know if you have noticed it, author, but there are always inexplicable lyrics in your articles, such as "Everyone has his own destiny and path. For Asano Kei, the correct understanding of this sentence is that two straight lines intersect for a moment, and then they will only go further and further away from each other. Going further than the distance between parallel lines is the price of intersection." When it comes to lyrical things, if you express it well, it means expressing your feelings directly, but if you express it poorly, it means disrupting the rhythm of the plot. Unfortunately, you belong to the latter. For example, in the above paragraph, you cut off the previous plot about the assassination, but you didn't do much to pave the way for the following plot. If you are willing to give up, you will gain something if you give up. But as the author, you are not willing to give up the emotions you want to express, so you cannot express what you really want to express. [4] Please say hello when changing the perspective, and please be moderate when inserting narration. Personally speaking, this is the author's biggest problem in your article. To a certain extent, this article can be called a limited perspective, narrating this series of events through the perspective of Asano Kei. However, it is normal for a limited perspective to be difficult to grasp. Author, it is understandable that you occasionally drift to other people's perspectives, such as Hibari (?), But... If you drift to Miss Asano's perspective... Well, author, you should know very well that the two girls have the same face and the same voice. Except for being overbearing or not, they can play around with each other. If they don't even say hello to each other, it will be really confusing. For example—— "Then she turned around and held the shoulder of the person who witnessed her entire movement. She stared at her solemnly." In fact, Mousse understands the atmosphere that the author wants to create. The two Asanos live for each other. They love each other, but they also hate each other. They torture each other with "living and dying". The one who falls in love with the other person first will be the final winner. But this really makes people who read it word for word very worried. One second the perspective is still on Asano Kei, and the next second he is running into Miss Asano's arms. There are many scenes like this in the article. It is suggested that the author should grasp the issue of perspective well, and at least be able to carry out one perspective to the end. The perspective changes back and forth, and the author expresses everything he wants to express when writing, but the reader is very tired when watching it, especially since the two people are both "Asano Kei" and "she", and their psychological activities are going on every minute to identify who is who and who is now. As for the interjection, if it is used well, it can really improve the style of the whole article. However, it is not a chapter, but it is repeated several times throughout the article. In this way, the whole article is not complete enough and is more like a combination of fragments. In addition to Asano Kei and Hibari's mission, the entire article also intersperses their first meeting, the origin of Asano Kei, and the death of Miss Asano... The length is so small, but the author attempts to compress all the content. This is obviously not a good approach. Author, you have too much to express, but you only have one point. What should you do? You chose to break up the entire content and reorganize it instead of selecting the important ones to write. As a result, the whole article becomes fragmented. The author is tired when writing, and the perspective changes and the timeline jumps around. The reader is also tired when reading, and every minute he feels that there is something in front of him that he did not pay attention to... Overall, the author's intention in this article is quite obvious, but the technique used is not very clever. The accumulation of words, the use of sentences, the change of perspective, the division of plots, mixed with some inappropriate lyricism, make the whole article look fragmented, and the plot and coherence are gone. When readers first read it, they think, well, the style is very high, but they cannot analyze the whole article carefully, because once they do, they will find that there are various small problems in it. I suggest you, the author, consider your words and sentences when writing. When writing, you should have a main line in your mind and a bracket that supports the main line, and splice the two together. Otherwise, the plot will be divided into pieces and scattered throughout the text. Mousse cannot say that the whole novel has no plot, there is, but does the whole novel connect all the plots together? Well, indeed, you, the author, did not do this very well. Author, you have this heart and this thinking, please don't waste your brain power. The mind is very beautiful, and you can get a glimpse of your thinking from the article. I wish the author can write to his liking and the readers will not be tired of reading the article.

Is this the end? I feel like I can continue writing.