About My Love for You

This is the version published on "Reading Novels". Some parts are different from the version in Jinjiang Literature City. In the Jinjiang version, Gu Huaibei is a bit more scumbag. In the "Reading Novels" version, Gu Huaibei is more merciful to An Yan. The reason why Gu Huaibei visited An Yan at school and the reason why Gu Huaibei got into a car accident while riding a motorcycle are not explained in the Jinjiang Literature City version. The 14-year version is posted below. ----> My feelings for Gu Huaibei are probably longer than my own memory. I don't know if he still remembers the scene when we first met. I really have no memory at all. However, my mother often mentioned this matter as strong evidence that I was a member of the Appearance Association. She said, I have always been afraid of strangers and I took the initiative to lean forward before Gu Huaibei stretched out his hand and put my arms around his neck. The neighbors all laughed: "A little baby can also tell the difference between beauty and ugliness. Just after An Yan turned 100 days old, she already knew how to like handsome boys." That was the closest distance between me and him, with my chin on his shoulder and cheek to cheek. We embraced each other so closely over twenty years ago. Unfortunately, I have no way of verifying what he said at that time or the doting tone he used. Maybe someone else will hand over a tissue: "Here, An An is drooling again." Gu Huaibei is twelve years older than me, and our families live in the same compound. When I was babbling, he was already a long-limbed young man. There is an old locust tree with strong branches at the entrance of the alley. The south wind blows and the branches are full of locust flowers. Under the tall tree with white flowers like clouds, Gu Huaibei lifts the little girl on his shoulders and asks slowly: "An'an, can you pick it?" The little girl just giggled and waved her hands, unable to hold the golden sunshine, and let it fall in fine pieces. When I was being unreasonable and persistent, he would also give me small punishments. For example, if you put me on the chest of drawers, I would sit on the edge unable to move, tears and snot flying from my nose. He immediately softened his heart, held me in his arms, and said softly: "Little mouse, you got on the lampstand and stole the oil to eat, but you can't get down." It was a long childhood that seemed to never end. In Gu Huaibei's arms, I was the little princess who owned the whole world, proud and proud. When I was in kindergarten, Gu Huaibei was already the fastest person on a motorcycle in this small town. The newly built highway in the suburbs has not yet been opened to traffic and has become a competition ground for amateur drivers. Gu Huaibei didn't have the best car, but he had an innate love for machinery and a keen intuition for speed. He is so famous in this circle that even the uncles and aunts of the Gu family have heard about him. They have silently accepted the reality that their son has no interest in studying, but after all, they do not want him to be obsessed with such a dangerous sport. However, Gu Huaibei is a stubborn person. Aunt Gu always sighs and strokes my braid: "An An, can you go and persuade brother Huaibei? He likes An An the most and will definitely listen to you." At that time, I naturally didn't know why adults didn't like him riding. He would also take me on a bicycle, but on a bicycle. I stood in the back seat, holding his shoulders, letting the wind blow my clothes. I always want to secretly let go, wondering if I can spread my wings and fly. Gu Huaibei seemed to have figured out my thoughts and repeatedly warned: "An'an, hold on tighter, don't let go." If I could predict the next twenty years, I would definitely hold on tighter and tighter and never let go for a moment. But time is like the sunlight leaking through the branches of a locust tree. No matter how hard you hold on, there is only a trace of fragrance left on your fingertips. Aunt Gu's family soon no longer needed to worry about Gu Huaibei's obsession with speed and passion, because one day the eldest sister next door, Shen Yiqing, pointed to a news item on TV and said to him: "Stop riding a fast car, it's so dangerous." He raised his eyebrows: "Are you worried about me?" "I'm not worried." She answered one word at a time. "Really not?" "Really..." Yi Qing's tone suddenly softened because Gu Huaibei hooked her finger. So she lowered her head, and the corners of her pursed lips turned upward. Don't ask me how I remember these details. A five-year-old child already understands what jealousy is. Gu Huaibei just held my hand and handed me a torch of ice cream, but then he held another girl's hand. I suddenly lost interest in the ice cream in my hand and cried as I watched it melt little by little. A motorcycle helmet rolled onto the side of the road on the screen. It was really sad news. Cinderella lost her glass slipper, Snow White ate the poisoned apple, and Sleeping Beauty fell into a hundred years of loneliness. They were all waiting for their princes. But the fairy tale does not say that the prince will ride a white horse and run towards another girl without looking back. 2 L o v e Shen Yiqing is a role model for all the children in our compound. She is slender, beautiful, elegant and well-behaved, and studies in the best high school in the city. When I grew up, I recalled it and often thought angrily that there must have been many boys who admired her at that time, but why did she choose Gu Huaibei? Yes, among those young, shy, or impetuous, reckless boys, who can compare with Gu Huaibei? He is egotistical, proud, and unrestrained, but when it comes to the people he cares about, he has so many delicate thoughts, so much consideration and care. I know all this, but from one day onwards, it no longer only belongs to me. It's not just me who is unhappy, but also Yiqing's father. Yiqing is his daughter who he regards as a treasure, the hope of a glorious family. Her first priority is to study and study again. She should not get too close to boys, especially a mediocre boy like Gu Huaibei. The two of them could only build the plank road openly and cross Chencang secretly. During the summer vacation, Yiqing often took me to the night market. In fact, she secretly made an appointment with Gu Huaibei. They bought me windmills, lanterns, cooked sweet corn and peeled fruits in the hope that I would quiet down and not interrupt their meaningless dialogue. When we came back, we sat in the last row of the bus. Yiqing leaned on Gu Huaibei's shoulder and put her other hand around me. I twisted my body to get free. Shouldn't the person who originally took me to the night market be Gu Huaibei? I was so angry that I thought about never going there again, but when I thought of being able to play with Gu Huaibei, I gave up my principle again. I hate myself for being so spineless. So one day, while they were looking at each other, smiling and whispering, I walked away quietly. I wandered aimlessly until I reached the end of the street market. Standing in the shadows, looking back at the colorful lights and the crowds of people, it's like looking at the bizarre life. I was only six years old at that time, but I already understood that the world is more than just a compound, a flower bed and a few old trees in the alley. It is prosperous and spacious, but it all belongs to others. Without Gu Huaibei, there is only deep loneliness left in the world. With this deep loneliness, I wandered around the nearby streets for a long time. Until an old woman with red armbands enjoying the cool air discovered me, and together with her kind-hearted son, they rode their bicycles across half of the city at night after the last bus had collected to take me home. There was already a quarrel in the courtyard, my mother was crying, Yi Qing and Gu Huaibei stood aside with their heads bowed. The secret date between the two was exposed. Yiqing's father was furious and raised his belt to beat her. Gu Huaibei rushed forward to hug her, and the belt fell on him, and he was whipped twice more. The metal buckle hit his brow bone, and there was a trace of blood immediately. I happened to see this scene when I came back. I sat on the ground and kicked my legs, crying with snot bubbles coming out of my nose. I shouted, "It's all my fault. I won't run away. I won't run away anymore." My mother hugged me tightly. Yiqing's mother quickly grabbed her husband. Gu's uncles and aunts couldn't stand it any longer and started arguing with Yiqing's father. It was a chaotic summer night. How long ago it was in my memory, and as soon as I turned around, all the stars were scattered. 3 That incident did not completely cut off the relationship between the two people. I saw them sitting under the old locust tree, Yi Qing carefully applying medicine to him, tears flashing in the corners of his eyes, Gu Huaibei frowning in pain, hissing the cold air, but with a smile on his lips. Shen Yiqing promised her family to concentrate on studying hard. The time they spent together became increasingly brief, often just holding hands and sitting side by side quietly. "One day, we will be free." Her tone was soft but firm, as if through the fog of life, she could see the next ten, twenty years, or the more distant future. I hate their determination. I want to jump on the cement steps, shake Gu Huaibei's shoulders and shout to him: "Don't lose me, don't lose me again." However, they looked at each other so intently that they had long forgotten my existence. Yiqing lived up to everyone's hopes. Her name was always on the red honor roll in front of the school. She went to distant Beijing to study at the best university. At that time, Gu Huaibei had just graduated from a vocational school and went to work as a mechanical and electrical maintenance worker in a car dealership. In his hands, the cold machinery seemed to come to life. He can understand complex drawings and understand the sound of engines. At the same time, he is also a skillful craftsman. He learned spray painting, coating, and sealing glaze from the experienced technicians. He soon became better than his predecessor, and the cars he repaired were as bright as new. He was focused and satisfied at work. Perhaps it was only at that moment that he could temporarily let go of missing Yi Qing. However, this satisfaction cannot fill every gap in his life. When people are free, their inner loneliness will expand infinitely. He still carries his family on motorcycle rides, and his jacket always smells of the river breeze. The crisp air soaked into his body, wouldn't he feel cold? I waited for him at the alley. Standing on the concrete guardrail of the old locust tree, I was almost as tall as him. I opened my arms and threw myself into his arms, whispering in his ear with a loving tone: "Let me take her place and take good care of you." I was eight years old that year, and Gu Huaibei was already twenty, with broad shoulders and long legs, and he looked like an adult. He was stunned, laughed and called me a little fool, then ruffled my hair and carried me home. He and Yiqing meet every holiday. They were no longer children, and their parents could not stop the two from dating, so the plank road was completely abandoned and barren weeds grew. I don't know where they went together or what kind of embrace they had. I don't think about those things, because their reunion is short-lived after all. For more of the year, Gu Huaibei belongs to me. Every time after Yiqing left, he would be silent for a period of time. I stayed by his side, waiting for his arms to become warm again and to become the familiar look again. However, his silence became more and more solemn. One day, a police officer even came to the compound and asked him to cooperate in investigating a traffic accident. The old man riding the bike was knocked down and fell unconscious. Gu Huaibei sent him to the hospital, but his motorcycle head happened to be damaged. Gu Huaibei explained that he hit the isolation pier the day before. But no one believed it, and he was faced with suspicious looks from around him. I was the only one who firmly believed that when the film policeman Uncle Zhou came to do something, I pushed him and shouted: "Brother Huaibei was wronged, you are all bad guys!" Uncle Zhou couldn't laugh or cry, and kept explaining that traffic accidents did not fall within the scope of his responsibilities. Fortunately, the person involved was not seriously injured and woke up after a few days, and did not frame Gu Huaibei. Witnesses were also found to prove that Gu Huaibei did drive a motorcycle and hit the isolation pier. The injustice was settled, and Gu Huaibei treated me to a popsicle. Sitting under the old locust tree, I patted his shoulder and stared into his eyes: "I believe you are not someone who will run away." He smiled: "You should believe that my skills are not so bad that I will hit people." I have learned to retort: "With good skills, how can I hit the isolation pier?" Gu Huaibei was helpless: "A black dog suddenly jumped out on the roadside... Who knows why it is so black!" I couldn't help but laugh, and like Yiqing, I used medicine to wipe the wound on his forehead. There is a faint scar from that time on his clear-cut brow bone. I want to smooth out that mark and smooth out the unhappiness in his heart. If he wasn't in a trance, how could Gu Huaibei, a man with excellent driving skills, hit the barrier to avoid a dog? He seemed to see my obsession, gently held my hand, sighed softly, and said, "You little guy." That year I was ten years old and began to learn to protect the most important person to me. 4 Yiqing did not return to her hometown after graduation. In those two years, her father became seriously ill, which almost depleted the family's savings. She said that the meager income in the small town could not support the heavy financial burden, so she chose to stay in Beijing and work. Gu Huaibei has become the most popular car mechanic in the small town. He is tall and handsome. There are many innocent and passionate girls who gaze at him affectionately and tease him, but Gu Huaibei turns a deaf ear to them. That year's birthday, I was the only one to celebrate with him. We are both born in this year, and he gave me a red hairpin. I made a wishful knot with my own hands and hung it on his keychain. There is probably gold everywhere in big cities. Two years later, Yiqing not only paid off her family's debts, but also brought back a bank card. Only then did I learn that it was Gu Huaibei who helped her advance her tuition when her father was seriously ill. She was still beautiful and charming, but her once gentle face became stiff and her voice was cold. "At least financially, I no longer owe you." She said. Gu Huaibei was silent for a moment and chuckled softly: "You are right, one day we will be free." However, this freedom only belongs to Shen Yiqing, who is flying to a new world. She said: "We have gone too far, and there is no topic anymore." Gu Huaibei has nowhere to escape, trapped alone in the closed town and the memories of yesterday. He listened to "Single Love Song" every day, smoked, drank, and raced, with a stubble on his face and a depressed expression, repeatedly counting the scars caused to him by a passionate, infatuated, heartless, and ruthless person. No one could dissuade him, only I rushed forward: "Don't let you degenerate like this!" I snatched the cigarette from his hand, took a long drag, and then coughed violently. Smoke came out of my nose, mouth, and probably my ears. In the lingering fog, I felt like a locomotive, choking to tears. Gu Huaibei didn't know whether to laugh or cry: "Do you want to take another sip and try it?" "Just try it, what's the big deal!" I stared into his eyes, which were like a deep and calm ancient well, "Gu Huaibei, remember, I will do whatever you do! Do you want to give it a try?!" He didn't do anything more, he just disappeared. I can't find him, but I don't dare to disappear. I'm afraid that when he comes back, he won't be able to find me. I waited for him at the entrance of the alley, day after day, even if I stood like a tree. Fortunately, Gu Huaibei didn't disappear for too long. He reappeared a few days later, with a short haircut and a shaved beard. He was once again the refreshing and handsome Huaibei brother I was familiar with. His eyes were still clear, but they were more calm than I could understand. He still rubbed my hair and said with a smile: "Because An An is here, I don't dare to become too bad." I jumped up and threw myself into his arms. God knows how afraid I was that he would never come back. I was fourteen years old that year. Romeo and Juliet can already die for each other at this age. I am not that heroic. I just want to live simply with him. In the past and in the future, I can only be by Gu Huaibei's side. Gu Huaibei lost his girlfriend of eight years, and now I am the only girl beside him. I secretly hope in my heart that he is waiting for me to grow up. I know that I am smart, have smooth academic studies, and a lovable face. My neighbors praise me very much: "An An of the old Luo family will definitely not lose to Yi Qing when he grows up." But I don't want to, I don't want to become Shen Yi Qing, I must become the same person as Gu Huaibei, not different. My greatest happiness is sitting on the back of Gu Huaibei's motorcycle, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my cheek against his back. He took me on outings, mountain climbing, boating, and fishing by the pond. I sat on the bluestone next to him, swaying with my bare feet. At first I could only touch the water, but gradually my soles could be immersed in the water. I no longer need to stand on the cement altar to pat Gu Huaibei's shoulder. On summer nights, we enjoyed the coolness under the grape arbor, each holding half an ice-cold watermelon, and eating it with a spoon regardless of appearance. There was a melon seed on his lips, like a child. I reached out and took it off, and saw another short white hair on his temple. I stepped forward and pulled it off with my fingertips. We were so close that we could clearly hear his breathing. And his warm lips seemed to touch my forehead lightly. Time seemed to have stood still at this moment. Gu Huaibei suddenly leaned back, as if to avoid my hand. "Don't pull it out, there are still many more." He smiled awkwardly, "Times are like flying knives. Look, An An is a big girl now." Yes, the neighbors also joked, "How can An An find a girlfriend when he pesters Huaibei brother like this?" So I tentatively asked what kind of girlfriend he hoped to find. He replied casually: "He has a hot figure and is beautiful and graceful." I pushed out my chest hard: "Is that so?" "You little guy." He chuckled, looking into the distance, "Actually, it's good to be someone who can sit quietly together." I tilted my head: "Isn't that me?" Gu Huaibei laughed heartily: "You? You are a little follower." I rushed over and pulled his mouth, but I thought to myself: "What does it matter? Just let me stay with you forever." 5 I thought that this kind of time was leisurely and long, like a childhood dream in the afternoon, day after day, never ending. However, I am about to wake up to reality. After the summer vacation, I went to the high school to report that the school had built a new school building in the suburbs and required all students to live on campus and could only go home on weekends. The upcoming separation made me extremely frightened, so I pulled Gu Huai to make a three-part agreement: "You can't go shopping with other girls, you can't take other girls to eat, and you can't let them ride on the back seat of a motorcycle." In fact, I wanted to make a thirty-part agreement, or roll him up and stuff him in his schoolbag and take him away, that would be best. Girls often talk about their future ideals after turning off the lights. I didn't hesitate for a moment and answered categorically: "Be a good wife and mother." Everyone was surprised: "You? You are in a hurry every day, climbing trees and walls, like a tomboy." I have been influenced by Gu Huaibei since I was a child, and I am so energetic that I wish I could fly to the sky and escape. However, my tenderness and shyness, and the endless twists and turns in my heart, were left to him alone. In front of him, I cried until I laughed like a little girl. However, adults would not ask me about my ideals. They chose a bright and smooth road for me. When I was filling in my application for the college entrance examination, I had a fierce conflict with my parents. They were not satisfied that I only applied for a normal college in the provincial capital, and kept saying that it was a waste of my talents and scores. Even Gu Huaibei didn't support it: "Why are you making such a fuss? Do you understand your parents' hard work and expectations?" "That's your wish, why do you have to impose it on me?" I pouted, "I don't want to go to university in Beijing, and I don't want to leave you." Gu Huaibei frowned: "What are you talking about childishly?" I sobbed in a low voice: "I'm afraid, I'm afraid I'll lose you..." I kept the second half of the sentence in my heart, for fear of taking the same path as Yiqing. "An An, we have been together for eighteen years, how come you lost me just because we were separated for just a few years?" Gu Huaibei sighed softly and held me in his arms, "Even if I lose the whole world, I will not let you go." When he said these words, there was a deep pool hidden in his eyes, and his eyebrows were the powerful ancient trees lying across the mouth of the pool, with a hidden scar on it. I gently stroked his brow bone, put my cheek against his chest, and heard a heart beating steadily. He stroked my hair like he did when he was a child: "Stop being so stubborn, otherwise your parents will blame me, blame me for taking you so wild. Don't make me feel guilty for you, no one can bear it." Gu Huaibei's hug is a silent promise to me. In order for him not to be complained and criticized, and also for the sake of my parents' gray hair and haggard faces, I gave in. On the day I got the admission notice, I pointed out to him the red seal with the name of the school engraved on it: "Up to now, others have chosen the path for me." Then I spread his right hand and solemnly put my hand into his palm, "The path from now on is my own choice." Gu Huaibei grabbed my hand and shook it hard. At that moment, I thought that all the flowers in midsummer were blooming for me. Then I heard his voice: "You've always been a great sister to me and I'm so proud of you." He asked me what kind of gift I wanted. "Can I have anything you want?" I eagerly wanted to tell him that at the age of eighteen, I was already an adult just like him. He nodded: "You can have any stars or moon." So I said loudly: "I want a boyfriend." He blinked and smiled narrowly: "Aren't there many boys lining up?" I grabbed his collar: "I only want this one in front of me!" He still smiled: "You can have the stars or the moon, but not this." He said that he had booked a banquet at the best hotel and could invite my classmates and friends. He said he would bring someone to meet me, and that was his girlfriend. During the years when I was in high school, he actually dated other girls. I stood there in shock. What are the three chapters of our agreement, a child's joke? What was our embrace, a delaying tactic to persuade me to leave? Gu Huaibei, the person I trust and rely on the most, how could you hide it so much, deceive me so much, betray my trust and sincerity so much? "Everything you did was to drive me away from you, right?" I thought of his persuasion, and my chest felt like it was going to explode. "You are so hypocritical!" "I just hope that you go to the place that suits you best." Don't you understand that the city you are in is the place I most want to visit. I was furious: "Why did you choose someone else? Am I not beautiful or cute? Or is it because you are 12 years older than me? An 82-year-old scientist can marry a 28-year-old wife." Gu Huaibei spread his hands: "Unfortunately, I'm not a scientist. I'm just a car mechanic." I beat him frantically, threw myself into his arms again and again, and was pushed away by him again and again. Gu Huaibei held my shoulders and looked through my eyes: "The difference between you and me is not age, but different worlds." "I'll come back after graduation, or I won't go now!" Gu Huaibei sighed: "Yi Qing said the same thing." This name is a great curse, an insurmountable barrier between me and him. With tears streaming down my face, I begged, "Believe me, my feelings for her are different." He sighed sadly: "At the beginning, we all thought that our feelings were different. However, in the end, no one will be different." It turns out that Yiqing owed Gu Huaibei not only two years of tuition, but also his longing and trust in love. 6 I came to the university numbly, as if I only took a shell with me. The image of me in the mirror gradually became unfamiliar. My long hair was slightly curly, my eyes were flowing, I was young and charming. Of course there were boys pursuing me, and I casually dated them. However, whenever the locust trees are in full bloom, the sweet air becomes suffocating. Every time this season comes, a manic beast lives in my heart, tearing and gnawing at my internal organs. I laughed in front of people, but couldn't fall asleep late at night. I was sleepy in class during the day, so I drank cup after cup of black coffee. Over the years, I suffered from mild gastric ulcers and severe migraines. The pain was so unbearable that I would hallucinate in front of my eyes. Through the green leaves and strings of white flowers, I could see the boy under the old tree and the little girl held high on his shoulders. This scene always makes me lose my mind, but there is nowhere to express my longing. I cried to my mother on the phone and said I wanted to go home. What I want to go back to most is not my hometown, but my childhood that I will never return to. Not long after, on my 21st birthday, Gu Huaibei came to Beijing. He said he wanted to visit a grand car show. My parents were thinking about me and asked him to bring some specialties from his hometown. The boy who was chasing me, Yan Zicong, was waiting downstairs in the dormitory and asked, "Who is this?" "Relatives from my hometown." Gu Huaibei answered for me. He helped me and the girl in the dormitory adjust the bicycles, and returned the fenders and chain boxes that had been making noise to their original positions. The girls all praised in unison and said, "Wow, compared to the boys around me, my hands are so clumsy." Yan Zicong said with a confused face: "There is a division of labor in society, and everyone has their own strengths. I didn't go to Lanxiang Technical School." I wanted to argue for Gu Huaibei, but his face was calm, without any surprise or excitement about the reunion. Thinking of his cruel concealment and rejection, I felt angry and decided not to say a good word for him. Out of courtesy, I invited Gu Huaibei to the birthday party. During the dinner, Yan Zicong analyzed the international situation and domestic people's livelihood non-stop, and gave impassioned advice. Gu Huaibei only drank one glass of beer from beginning to end. Compared with Yan Zicong, his face no longer has the sharp edges of a green boy. I suddenly felt sad, and I missed the Gu Huaibei who smoked, drank, and raced. That was his wanton youth. Has it been burned out for another person? After the show, my friends dispersed knowingly because Yan Zicong invited me to continue a night outing in the city. Gu Huaibei stood outside the crowd and watched me hugging a group of friends goodbye, like an outsider. I'm going to go on an appointment with another boy alone. In this warm and pleasant night, isn't he worried, jealous, or nervous? But he didn't say a word, and his calm look made me angry and angry. Yan Zicong carefully selected a small shop by the lake. The candlelight flickered on the plaid tablecloth, the saxophone played soft and graceful jazz, and the roses he sent were beautiful and fragrant. I was absent-minded and replayed the image of Gu Huaibei just now in my mind. Did he watch me leave, looking lonely or indifferent? Why didn't I look back? On the way back, Yan Zicong tentatively held my hand. Under the huge neon light at the street corner, he leaned down and his lips almost brushed mine. My whole body suddenly stiffened, and I was disgusted by such sudden intimacy. I belong to Gu Huaibei. Even if he doesn't care, I can only belong to him. I slapped Yan Zicong's arm, trying to push him away. However, the disparity in physical strength between men and women was clearly evident at this moment. The slightly tipsy boy murmured about his infatuation with me and kissed me randomly on my cheeks and temples. I was restrained in his arms, unable to hide, and was so anxious that I was about to cry. As in all stories, my greatest hero fell from the sky at this moment. Gu Huaibei rushed out from nowhere, pulled Yan Zicong away, and protected me behind him: "What kind of man can you be if you can't force a girl?" Yan Zicong was embarrassed and angry, and spat: "Who is a man if he follows behind secretly? If you want to chase Luo Anyan, please be self-aware. At your age, you are still a car repairman." "She is my most important sister. And it is better for me to rely on my craftsmanship and be aboveboard than to show off after reading two books." Gu Huaibei and Yan Zicong are similar in height, but they have a condescending calmness. "You said so much in the hotel, but you just quoted the views of "The Prince", Chapter 17, On Cruelty and Kindness." Yan Zicong left angrily. The fierce tearing made me exhausted. I relaxed next to Gu Huaibei and could no longer walk. I sat on a bench by the roadside, wrapped in his coat, and there was a familiar scent that made my heart palpitate. "Are you cold, or does your stomach hurt?" He hugged me, who was shaking all over. I took his big warm hand and put it on my belly. His body was stiff, as clumsy as a young boy falling in love for the first time, but he did not dodge. His tone was either pampering or harsh: "I heard from your mother that your health has been not good recently. Why don't you cherish yourself so much?" "If I'm dying of illness before you can come see me, then let me die." I couldn't hold back my words. "You're talking stupid again." He frowned, "Find a good boy to take good care of you... But not that arrogant boy." Thinking of Yan Zicong, I laughed: "I didn't expect you to have read "The Prince"?" Gu Huaibei's smile was awkward and weathered: "A long time ago, in order to have something in common with her..." I kept silent, not knowing whether to tell him or not. I met Yi Qing at the fellow villagers' meeting not long ago. She is married, her son is less than one year old and has a plump figure. She has transformed from a fairy who never eats fireworks into a housewife in the world. She quarrels with her husband over trivial matters such as who warms milk and who sleeps a little longer. She fell into the mortal world, aged rapidly, and became a boring adult. And even though he was stained by the frost and dust of the years, Gu Huaibei still looked like a big boy with clear features. He has his own car dealership, many regular customers take care of him, and the business is booming. In the past two or three years, he has changed and broken up with girlfriends. He has not yet discussed marriage at this age, which is an anomaly in a small town. He must be waiting for me to grow up, so he is not willing to let his years pass too quickly. This must be the case, so he would come all the way to visit me and follow me silently, not wanting to see me suffer any injustice. Thinking of this, I suddenly felt extremely courageous. Gu Huaibei didn't have confidence, so he asked me to give him confidence. Time can change others, but it cannot change my beliefs. The love for him is innate and irreplaceable. "Can you give me more time?" I raised my head, "Let me prove everything to you. I have the ability to have everything, but for you, I can give up anything." Gu Huaibei's chin gently rested on the top of my head: "An An, I believe it, I always believe in you." 7 Saying goodbye to Gu Huaibei, I changed my mind, cut my long hair short, returned Yan Zicong's gifts, and declined invitations from others. After graduation, I found a decent job and kept in touch with Gu Huaibei. Every time I called or communicated, I would end with "You have to wait for me." Saying this sentence a hundred times, I seem to believe that he is really waiting for me. I met Yan Zicong by chance at a class reunion. After three drinks, he turned to me and asked, "Where is that old man your brother? He is upright and aboveboard. Hmm, he has bad intentions towards you. If you don't get married at your age, is there any hidden disease?" If he hadn't been missing her, why would Gu Huaibei have been single for so many years? Thinking this way, I forgave Yan Zicong's harsh tone. I have written my resignation letter and will go back to my hometown. I want to tell Gu Huaibei right away that fame and fortune are like floating clouds, and I can do whatever Shen Yiqing can't give up. I was full of longing to return to my hometown, but what greeted me was the news that he had a fiancée. Gu Huaibei, you have once again failed to live up to my enthusiasm and expectations. She is a girl from a small town, only three years older than me, with a simple face and a simple personality, just like clear water. Ironically, she graduated from the provincial normal school. She is ordinary, but every step she takes is the path I long for most. As if nothing had happened, Gu Huaibei took me to eat at roadside stalls in the old city and relive my childhood memories. I sat on the back of the motorcycle and pressed my cheek against his back. I really hoped that just like the news on TV in my childhood, we would fall to the side of the road while driving at high speed and be reduced to mud and dust, so that we could never be separated forever. He pushed me away from me crying in his arms at the entrance of the alley: "Don't ever do this again. All my acquaintances are watching, and I don't want her to have any misunderstandings." I burst into tears. Since when, I am no longer his most favored person. I yelled at Gu Huaibei: "Why did you lie to me again? Why don't you believe in me or that I would give up everything for you?" "I'm not lying to you. I've been waiting, waiting for you to learn to take care of yourself." Gu Huaibei's tone was calm and unwavering, "It's not that I don't believe you, I just don't believe in myself anymore. I'm sorry, forgive my selfishness, I don't have the courage to go through the same thing again. I have passed the age of being desperate and betting against reality for the sake of temporary passion." "A moment of passion, a moment, how long, is it the more than twenty years since I have loved you?" I burst into tears, "Have you bowed to reality? Or do you really love her?" "Yeah, I really love her... And she loves me." How can one argue with such a reason? I laughed through my tears. Yes, you are Gu Huaibei, who can not love you. I sat quietly for a long time by the pond where I fished in my childhood. The sparkling water was full of magic, making me want to jump in. However, the cold wind blew, and I thought of my parents with gray hair on their temples. I gradually calmed down, stood up resolutely, and left this sad place without stopping for a moment. I accepted the company's position overseas and wanted to go to a country where Gu Huaibei was not there. A four-year term, maybe I'll go for two terms, or longer. I will know many people, and they are all different from Gu Huaibei. My parents also retired and decided to move back to their hometown with beautiful scenery. The night before my family moved, I saw Gu Huaibei for the last time. Under the big locust tree at the entrance of the alley, I asked him: "Do you really only think of me as your little sister? Tell me the truth, was there a moment when in your heart, I was not a sister?" "If there is..." Gu Huaibei was silent for a while, with a vague smile still on his face, "What should I say, a little daughter?" I shed tears and tried to laugh. He wiped away the tears on my cheeks: "That's great. Let me remember your most beautiful look. An An's smile is the most beautiful." "Then take another look at me, because I will never come back." I said, "Come, close your eyes, and give you the last gift." So in the fragrance of white locust flowers, I kissed him. I finally gave the first kiss back to the person I loved the most. From now on, I can forget myself and heaven and earth, and try to forget you. I have loved Gu Huaibei for so long. If I only met my sweetheart when I was in my twenties, after twenty or thirty years, I should have been together till the end of my life. I was twenty-five years old that year, my youth was in its prime, but my love was already old. 8 On the day I left my hometown, it rained heavily. Fortunately, it was the earliest flight in the morning and the plane took off on time. The surrounding rain and mist seemed to gather the tears of the whole world. I couldn't see my hometown getting smaller and smaller through the porthole window, but I seemed to hear someone calling my name, An Yan, An Yan, through the confused white fog. Gu Huaibei has remained silent from beginning to end about whether he likes me. But my mother said that after knowing that I was crying on the phone, he immediately booked a ticket to Beijing. After coming back, at the turn of every spring and summer, he would sit under the old locust tree at the entrance of the alley for a long time, quietly smoking a cigarette, but never lighting it. I no longer ponder the meaning of all this, I want to learn to forget Gu Huaibei, even if it takes a lifetime. Not long after I left home, I saw a piece of news on TV. On the day of our departure, there was a car accident on the Airport Expressway. It was really sad news. The picture showed a black helmet rolling off, and a hand holding the key tightly, which seemed to be tied with an old and faded wishful knot. I don't believe that it was Gu Huaibei. He was busy planning a wedding in those days, he was very proud of the spring breeze, and he had bought a new car. How could he appear on the highway in the early morning on a motorcycle? And he himself said that his skills are not that bad. I kept my promise and never contacted him again, nor did I pursue any details of the accident, even though I didn't want to forgive him for his selfless and noble choice and his kind and considerate deception. I would rather hate him all the time. In my heart, he already has children, and I take them to pick locust flowers and go fishing by the pond. But he still appeared in my dream, saying to me: "Hold on tighter, hold on tighter, and never let go." I opened my arms, wanting to embrace the little bits of sunshine leaking from the leaves, and the light intertwined with the greenery. However, everything was gone, and I was filled with nothing but emptiness. Just like what is said in the movie: Because we don't know when our life will end, we always think that life is a well that will never dry up. Yet everything is so limited. How many times have you thought of a certain afternoon in your childhood? An afternoon like that is so important in your life that you can't imagine your life without it. How many times have you watched the full moon rise? Maybe twenty times? But now everything seems to be endless.

I care too much to start.

Why should we die? Why should we die? Why should we die?

It's a passionate story from beginning to end, and I tried to interfere with others in the middle (although I couldn't think of it at the moment), there's no need to move yourself like that.

Unable to look directly at the sadness.

Good Will Hunting is the sense of sight. . .

This is the first time I read your article and I like the ending.

Does everyone have someone they don't want to contact? There are many stories behind it. Thinking about the person I liked from elementary school to university, you will understand the biggest expectations and disappointments.

Chacha likes to write tragedies more and more. Also, when will the legendary green plum and white red bean appear?

It's sad, but I like this way of telling it.