My mother says that a successful woman needs at least four exceptional men in her life: one with a beautiful face, one who is thrifty and good at running a household, one who appreciates the arts, and one who kills without batting an eye. Ideally, the beautiful one gives great shoulder rubs and back rubs and tells funny stories; the thrifty one is smart and capable, and knows how to earn and spend money; the cultured one can play music, play chess, paint, write, walk birds, and brew tea; and the killer is strong, broad-minded, and generous.
"Walk birds..." His vision went dark. He stumbled and nearly fell into a ditch.
"Actually, I'm not all that interested in men, and I'm not particularly strong or capable either. To cultivate a good reputation as a diligent ruler who cares for her people, cut down on expenses, and enjoy some peace and quiet, I've decided not to keep as many men as my mother did: three husbands, nine favorites, forty-eight regular attendants, and a hundred and eight personal attendants."
"Then how many does the princess intend to take?"
"Seventy or eighty should be enough." Thud!
"Hey, how did you suddenly fall into a pit? Hello, are you still there? Can you hear me?"
I wet the bed as soon as I came on stage, and I was drunk too.