By the Banks of the River of Forgetfulness, Beside the Bridge of Helplessness

For short stories, my requirements are relatively high. So I can only give it a mid-to-low score. My idea is that you want to write a slow, beautiful story, but the slowness is there but the beauty is lacking. No matter what kind of article it is, the beginning is very important, even if it is a college entrance examination article, but your first sentence is long, awkward to pronounce, and there is also a one-word name. In fact, the character Ran does not need to be named at all. If you wish, no one in the whole novel needs to be named. If you insist on naming the two names of the protagonist, it will be fine. As for the name, since it is a short story, this kind of sober name is acceptable. I think you want to use the characters' expressions and movements to mainly reflect the two people's personalities and communication. The first half is just okay and a bit ethereal, but the rest is completely dramatic, especially when you put it on the bed and immediately switch from an unworldly story to a bloody romance. The entire story is told in a straightforward manner, without any sense of rhythm or rhythm. For short stories, you must think more, think more, and revise more after you finish writing. The writing is also not beautiful enough. Since you want such an atmosphere, you must pay attention to detailed descriptions. Don't write about perfect appearance or gentle personality. Instead, use more appropriate and ethereal rhetorical techniques.