A Chinese Odyssey: The Affectionate Monkey

1

For five hundred years, my mind could be completely blank. For ten thousand years, I could achieve nothing. The Tathagata arranged for me to undertake the journey to fetch the scriptures. Whatever his motives, it did add the most colorful stroke to my life, and in a way, I have to thank him for that.

2

The heavenly soldiers scattered in every direction beneath my iron staff. I watched the Jade Emperor crawl under a table and burst out laughing. Pointing at him, I said, "We are both kings, with equal standing, but you are no match for me."

3

The Tathagata said, "Since you accept your loss, I won't make things difficult for you. But remember, a drop of kindness should be repaid with a spring. That monk saved you, so you should repay him. Go and become his disciple."

4

I saw the woman I loved. If she had died, I would have been devoted to her for the rest of my life and never loved another woman. But she got married and had a whole bunch of children.

5

I became king of Flower-Fruit Mountain. From then on, whenever I heard that some demon had married a pretty wife, I would lead my little ones over to beat him up until they got divorced.

6

I became the Demon King, a fearsome monster. Any demon who wanted to get married had to bring his wife to me first so I could decide whether I approved. It made me feel great.

7

The world is colorful, and people love to put on a show. A good actor can portray all kinds of lives.

8

Guanyin turned slightly and said, "You monkey, always getting handsy with me." I said, "I didn't. It was a bug."

9

My name is Zhizun Bao. Behind my back, everyone calls me the Rogue Zhizun Bao. Maybe that didn't sound impressive enough, so someone added the word "great" in front, and I became the Great Rogue Zhizun Bao.

10

As the Great Rogue, I had to be a worthy swordsman. So I got myself a sword and carried it over my shoulder everywhere I went in the martial world.

11

I left the jar of wine behind and asked Xiaotao to tell □□ that someone named Zhizun Bao wanted to invite him for a drink. Unfortunately, he never came back, so I left the wine here. Once you've shared this jar, we're friends.

12

One day, the county magistrate suddenly came to see him and said, "You look like a fine young man, not a bad sort, so I'd like to offer you my daughter's hand in marriage. Would you be willing? Of course, you can refuse, but it's almost noon, and once the time comes, they'll drag you out and behead you. So tell me, will you marry my daughter?"

13

Li Xunhuan said, "I was wondering whether the tavern owner would let me have another jug on credit after I finish this one. That way, I can take a jug of wine with me when I jump. If I don't die but end up crippled, I'll still have a drink beside me."

14

I steadied myself, a little awkwardly, and thought that as a famous rogue in the martial world, I ought to do something worthy of my reputation. So I stopped her and said in an infuriating tone, "Miss, give me a smile."

The girl shot me a glare and ignored me.

I said, "Damn, you've got an attitude. Then I'll give you a smile."

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