[Harry Potter] This Damn Wife-Obsessed Man

As everyone knows, Salazar Slytherin is actually a... a... henpecked husband. Godric (roaring): What dignified aloofness? That damn Salazar is hopelessly obsessed with his wife! Godric (still roaring): Who said he was clever? In front of Helga, his intelligence drops by at least fifty years. He's just like a little kid, acting childish and vying for attention! Godric (still roaring): Damn it, Salazar, wipe that look off your face! You're giving me goosebumps, so cut it out! You look completely ridiculous, you know?! The little Slytherins are going to cry when they see their head of house acting like this! Godric (why am I still the one roaring?): Damn it, why am I still the one doing all the roaring? Anyway, Salazar, you're two-faced, acting one way in public and another around your wife! There has to be a limit to being obsessed with your wife, you jerk! This is just endless. You're beyond help! Damn... damn it! Godric (weakly): Damn it, why am I so jealous..._(:з"∠)_ Look here, look here, I said look here: ① The events from a thousand years ago weren't covered much in the original, so most of that part is made up by the author. Please don't nitpick the details, but feel free to point out any plot holes. ② This is a lighthearted story, as you can tell from the blurb. It's about how the Serpent Founder became a henpecked husband. As you read, keep shouting: This guy is not the Serpent Founder, this guy is not the Serpent Founder, this guy is not the Serpent Founder...! ③ I'm delicate (not really), so please be gentle. _(:з"∠)_