Huadiao

My name is Xing Shang.

I'm a businessman, and Huadiao is a money-losing investment.

Huadiao once saved my life, so to this day I haven't had the heart to sell him. All I can do is let him freeload at my tavern, eating and drinking for free and doing nothing, year after year. Before I knew it, seven or eight years had passed.

After seven or eight years, I'd grown even stingier and more obsessed with money, while he was becoming more and more extravagant. So I hated him more and more, grinding my teeth in frustration.

Huadiao always says, "One day, once I've had my fill of food and drink, I'll leave."

I always ask angrily, "When exactly will that day come?"

He smiles intoxicatingly, though there's a hint of sadness in his eyes, and softly repeats those four words: "One day."

[Published in the November 2013 A edition of Purple Years magazine]

1

Huadiao: "Xing Shang, if you keep sneaking glances at me like that, I'll get the wrong idea and think you're in love with me."

Xing Shang: "..."

2

Huadiao [smiling]: "As an exorcist, you were saved by a demon in the end. Don't you feel humiliated? Or has your skin gotten so thick you've forgotten how to spell the word 'humiliation'?"

Xing Shang [angry]: "Careful, or I'll capture you!"

Huadiao [disdainful]: "Capture me as your husband? Sorry, my standards are a little high, and your quality is a little low."

3

Xing Shang: "Huadiao, I want to marry you. I'll even settle for being your eighteenth concubine. Just marry me! I'll cover the betrothal gifts, so you won't have to spend a single coin. I'll buy the wedding wine, set off the firecrackers, and pay for the bridal sedan too. That should be enough, right?"

Huadiao: "As an exorcist, can't you show a little dignity? By the way, what do I get out of being your husband? Like a hundred thousand taels of gold, or three or five mansions?"

4

Huadiao: "The mighty Yangtze flows east, can I kiss the fair maiden?"

Xing Shang: "..." [Kissing]

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