I'm a Squirrel in Another World?

The protagonist's IQ made me speechless and burst into tears. I suggest that the protagonist's IQ be raised to the level of a primary school student! ! !

I think I should have seen you on Tieba. Yes, I have seen this title more than once.

Disappeared again_, the code text came out, didn't you finish the test╮(╯▽╰)╭

I originally wanted to start in a more literary and euphemistic way, but after thinking about what I was going to write next, I decided to be more straightforward. As mentioned in the title, after reading the full text, my impression of this article is "more than bland, not enough cute". The so-called "more than plain" means that the daily elements of this article are a bit procrastinating and the key plot lacks tension. The second means that the writing is young and there is a lot of room for improvement. "Not enough cuteness" means that the characters created by the author are slightly thin. Let me explain below. It can be seen from the author's copy that this article is about the farming life of a loving couple in a different world, or maybe it is about a fight for hegemony in another world? In any case, the copywriting is attractive to a sweet tooth like me. Before reading the article, I can't help but look forward to a loving interaction. However, when I clicked on the first chapter, a strong apocalyptic style hit me. For a moment, I even doubted whether I had read the copy wrong. However, as a veteran reader, this level of violation is still acceptable. Therefore, even if I saw that Xiao Shou's mother was named Zhao Yazhi (Zhi?), And that three generations of the family were entangled in love and wanted to kill each other for three chapters, I didn't think it was a big deal. I even thought it would be good to continue to be entangled like this, and the apocalyptic powers were also very good - but Xiao Shou finally traveled through time, and the apocalyptic plot came to an abrupt end. If there were no extra chapters in the later chapters, I don't know when it would have ended. To be honest, even though I have a unique taste, I haven't seen an article written three chapters before time travel for a long time. The author can say that this is necessary for the plot, but after reading the current part, the only use of the first three chapters seems to be to give Xiao Shou a golden finger: he took away many things that are not available in other worlds to facilitate escape and upgrades in the later chapters. It's not that Goldfinger cannot be opened through time travel, but as a non-key plot, this section takes up too much space. Although it is bloody, it doesn't scratch the surface, which is called procrastination. In contrast to this is the otherworldly part of the story that follows. The following article should focus on daily life in another world, but it is a pity that there is not enough explosive content in a scoop of water. Recalling the plot content based on the table of contents, the key plots that I can remember include picking up Xiao Gong, Xiong's father being injured, Xiao Gong discovering Xiao Shou's secret, and the danger in the latest update. Take the section where Xiao Shou picks up Xiao Gong as an example. The interaction is very loving. But there are really few loving parts, less than one-third of the chapter. After showing a little bit of Xiao Shou's "fine points", this supposedly eye-catching plot was submerged in the vast daily life of fishing... The fishing plot is also very good. Maybe Xiao Gong, who has waited seven chapters to appear, can't be given more drama? Similar problems are reflected in the subsequent injury of the male father and the travel distress. When it is time to spill blood to exaggerate the emotional atmosphere, the narrative stops abruptly. It's basically a feeling of "I've done this and that, so why don't you show me this?" With the daily routine and the lack of tension in the key plot, it is no wonder that the plot is bland and has no ups and downs. Let's talk about the young writing style. The word "green" is not used here in a derogatory sense, but refers to the author's high plasticity in writing. There are many highlights in the full text. For example, Chapter 7: "In the distance is the ancient mysterious canyon jungle... With just a gentle glance, the fish swimming under the river surface can actually see every detail of them. The fish's The scales are shiny, but the sharp teeth and the water jets that fly out of the water from time to time tell people that it is not easy to mess with." This is quite interesting and full of imagination. I personally like this section very much. There are many details in the article that can make the alien continent come alive, so I won't list them here. Unfortunately, apart from the occasional dazzling description, more often than not, what can be seen is the author's lack of elaboration in the text - this does not mean the lack of long paragraphs of environmental description, but the author's inability to achieve basic language fluency. Take the first paragraph of Chapter 12 as an example: "This time, Lu Song was carried home by Lauke just like the last time he came home from the holy tree. The only difference between this time and the last time is that this time Lu Song was clear. In my heart, I can be considered a man in his twenties, so it would be embarrassing to be held by another boy, not to mention that this boy only looks mature, but in fact this boy is only thirteen years old, only a little more than half of Lu Song's actual age." Has the author ever counted how many "ones" there are in this passage? Have you ever thought carefully before posting? The immature and sometimes rough writing style greatly affects the presentation of the details of the article. The most direct impact is on character creation. The author girl likes to mention four or five people's names at the same time in the same chapter. I am not afraid of many people appearing in the same chapter, and I adapt well to names of more than three characters. But if there are more than five characters every few chapters, and these people are indistinguishable except for their names, it will be more unbearable. The author can also ask himself: In addition to transforming into squirrels, what other characteristics do the so-called squirrel tribe have? What are the specific differences in appearance from other races? Tail? Hair? Ears? What do Xiao Shou's brothers and friends look like? I really don't control the character here alone, nor do I mean that all characters must set their hair color, eye color, height and weight, and then write them out one by one. But the so-called "different world" must be different from the world we are familiar with. Since we have chosen to set the setting in another world, how can the birds and beasts, mountains and rivers, all kinds of strange customs, and various races on the other side not become the focus and highlight of the article? The so-called "cuteness" is not just daily interactions and fancy displays of affection. There are actually many "cute points" in other worlds. To sum up, after reading the entire article, I can clearly feel that the author is a cute novice. After reading, I clicked on the column to verify my thoughts. The author stated in You Say that he is diligently coding and revising the text. My personal suggestion is that at this stage, please continue telling the story you want to tell. After Chapter 15, the narrative fluency has improved significantly. Although it is still not enough, it is at least an improvement. If you get caught up in an overhaul, it's easy to get lost or even get stuck. It is better to keep moving forward, just like the protagonist in your novel goes through an unchoiceable time-travel and enters an unknown world. Only by moving forward can you find the real way out. Having said a lot, I need to point out that some of the comments may be a little bit harsh, but they are in no way malicious. Please calm down, girl:) BY Fantastic taste - Shicheng Studio

Take the exam well~(≧▽≦)/~la la la

╮(╯▽╰)╭You will understand after watching the extra, but ╭(╯ε╰)╮╭(╯ε╰)╮

╭(╯ε╰)╮, But that half-fox didn't recognize the beast core, he didn't react at all (^_^)

Must like \\(≧▽≦)/\\(≧▽≦)/\\(≧▽≦)/

Come on, big brother, but I didn't see that you once had the ambition to dominate the mainland⊙▽⊙

Big update╭(╯ε╰)╮