[Kuroko's Basketball] Dummy, You're Only Good-Looking!

Why does the trace appear?

First of all, I would like to say I'm sorry to Xiaojing. I've delayed my review for ten days and it's time to buy it! ! QvQ was so considerate and Yingying expressed that she was extremely touched! ! Orz So to make a long story short, let's get to the point quickly. Ahem, overall, this article is easy to be cute, the title is quite attractive, the copywriting is a bit messy, but the content related to the article is relatively concise and clear. In fact, it is difficult for pure romance fanfics like this to capture the cuteness and gripping points given the current market situation in Jinjiang. (You can understand this when you see that there are fewer Internet King fanfics, but there are more high-quality products.) Especially Xiaojing has separated from the plot and focuses on love. The whole story basically revolves around the two protagonists, and the supporting characters are all passers-by. In this way, it is not difficult to find attractive and cute points, but it is also difficult to say. To be honest, I had a hard time reading the previous content. Let's analyze it in detail below. Xiaojing's writing style is a bit green. It can be seen that Xiaojing wants to work hard to shape the characters of the two protagonists. Erhuang's character is not broken, he does get off-line. Xiaojing also exaggerates this characteristic, but too much. My impression of him is that he is an off-line person. I don't seem to be able to feel Erhuang's cuteness. In fact, he is a rather cold person, as Xiaojing herself has described, so why is the heroine immediately interested in him if she is cold and dislikes him? ! It was still in the second year of high school when we had been together at the same table for a year, and the idea of ​​kissing came up after making up a class... At that time, I had the urge to abandon the article_(:з)∠)_, even if I emphasized how indifferent and cold the heroine was, I still had a sense of instant relief = = Now let's talk about the heroine. I won't talk about the rest. Why is it that in modern Japan there is a deceptive setting that requires you to get married and have a forced relationship if you are kissed? Although there is only Raven and no thunderous meme, this meme is a little bit outlandish in this article... And the one about the heroine taking off her glasses after dating... Is actually not too farfetched! But it is quite inconsistent when placed in the text. When Xiaojing's writing style was still relatively young, it was easier to control it by writing more plainly... This way it would be less likely to step on the wrong side of the story. In short, the early relationship development was too fast and inexplicable. You must know that the process from good feelings and ambiguity to liking can produce a lot of jealousy. Xiaojing's intention was to have a relationship first and then develop a relationship, but this method was not handled well. To successfully create a character's character, it is not something that is imposed by the author, but rather a description of what kind of character the character is. For example, the heroine, she is beautiful and her indifferent character does not need to be emphasized all the time. Try to deepen the reader's impression of the character through language and actions. If the dialogue cannot advance the plot, try not to appear. It is best to have a conflict in each chapter. Even if it is a transition, it is best to lay down one or two foreshadowings to attract people to click on the next chapter. In addition, Xiaojing also needs to think more about the details. Please be sure to remove the psychological activities in brackets! The author must not enter indiscriminately, and ellipses must be used correctly to reduce typos. I found that Xiao Jing added two periods at the end of many sentences. Some vocabulary and expressions are also poorly used and incomprehensible, such as "The Lost Pearl" in Chapter 5, which is definitely not used that way, and "She, still her, always the same" in Chapter 12... A kind of immediate sense of dialogue comes over, = =What happened to the heroine? She hasn't changed, right? They haven't been separated for many years... Such rush_(:з)∠)_. I said a bunch of seemingly unpleasant things TAT ​​but! If you continue reading, you can see that Xiaojing is gradually improving. The most obvious one is the heroine. The interaction with Erhuang is naturally much more interesting, a bit awkward and venomous, and the strength of the force is also cute. The appearance of Akashi and Xiaokui later also enhances the readability. QvQ I don't know if this is considered a venomous comment, I burst into tears. My purpose is to give some opinions... But it's also just pointing fingers_(:з)∠)_, so please don't mind! Sorry again for delaying the review! Chop your hands! But would I say I am Thousand-Armed Guanyin? ←Hey! Please keep up the good work, Xiaojing~^_^ Illegal gathering produced by Chang Ping Pu ——BY Panda

Hello girl ^^, this is a two-week long review of Milk, please pick it up. First of all, I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with the copywriting and cover. It feels very cute, and the title also fits the overall tone of the copywriting and cover very well. Readers who like this CP or this style will naturally fall in love with it. What attracts more attention is the style of the summary and chapter titles. Like it! But if you read the title for the first time without reading the content, you will be confused by the format of the title. What does the overlap of two names mean? There may also be people who close web pages because they can't understand them. However, since the article is so long, it's probably impossible to change the title. It's just a small personal opinion. Next time, you don't need to make it so complicated. Just put something attractive in the summary. The first three chapters are quite satisfactory, explaining the background, and letting people see the characters of the male and female protagonists and their respective identities through dialogue. The writing style is that of a relatively relaxed drama. The development of things seems to be a bit like a running account, and the psychological monologues in parentheses are also very messy, making it easy for people to ignore the plot. However, the pace of the article is relatively fast, and it is not too troublesome to read, which is a bit! Next I want to talk about the creation of characters. Let's talk about Kise Ryota first. My personal shortcomings are the characters in the original works that are dark or seriously OOC. The author's article is not OOC, but he accidentally stepped on my minefield in details. The heroine feels that there is no warmth in Xiao Huang's smile... Is he blind = =! I was really shocked when I saw this. It has such a strong sense of déjà vu. This character deviates from the setting of the original work. Although the copy clearly states that the article itself has little to do with the original work, I still feel that it is not appropriate. It is obvious that Kise Ryota is a very gentle and lovely boy from the inside out! Isn't that what's so cute about him? There are also things like swearing in his mind later... Even though he is a boy, I always feel that Xiao Huang doesn't know how to do it (in Mr. Dairy's heart, he is a super innocent and good boy). Next is the heroine. It can be seen that the heroine the author wants to write about is an ordinary girl with a distinctive temperament. Although she is not so popular, she is elegant and proud in every move, and has her own persistence and opinion. However, because this setting was too overly colorful, it had the opposite effect. Maybe the heroine is in a tsundere state of "the more she cares about Xiao Huang, the less she will look good on her"? But no matter what, when the girl was describing the character of the heroine in the early stage, she unknowingly wrote her into a Mary Sue. Mary Sue now strongly disdains Xiao Huang and doesn't understand why he is popular. For example, first is Xiao Huang's perspective [Kise Ryota is not afraid of anyone, what kind of girl has he not seen before, and who doesn't scream 'Ryota-kun is so handsome! ' 'Ryo Tai-kun is so good at basketball' and other attentive compliments. But the girl in front of him, Kise Ryota, really couldn't figure out what she was thinking. ]... Another example is the heroine's perspective [Unless it's a matter of study, the girl in front of me probably doesn't want to have anything to do with him, Kise, for the rest of her life. ][She thinks yellow is the color of sunshine, which is definitely not something that people like her can have. ]... No more examples. The above examples and the description of the heroine's appearance and temperament would not be surprising if they only appeared once or twice, but if they appear frequently in the early stage, it will give people the bad impression that "the heroine is Mary Sue". However, in terms of the heroine, the author has gradually gotten better at writing, and his grasp of the heroine has become more and more measured. The heroine who secretly cares about Xiao Huang but pretends to be disdainful has a slightly sinister tongue and occasionally bullies Xiao Huang in the interactions that follow. She is really cute. The problem with the supporting roles is also more obvious. I feel that in terms of character creation, the male and female protagonists are too emphasized (the degree of popularity, the degree of exquisite appearance, the degree of refined temperament), and the aura of the people around them is weakened. To give the simplest example, Miss Eka in front of you, it is better not to use too straightforward language to describe her superficial nymphomaniac. It is better to be more subtle and describe it from the side to leave a more impression on people. Don't treat every character in the article perfunctorily, work slowly and carefully, and only if you are willing to put in the effort will the reader feel comfortable. On the emotional line, the real development should start with tutoring, but I feel that it is progressing a little too fast. In my opinion, the two of them cared about each other from the beginning. The heroine's care was probably mixed with affection and arrogance from the beginning, but Xiao Huang was not. He just thought, "Everyone else likes me, but this girl always hates me. What's going on?" This kind of curiosity quickly progressed to the level of kissing, and I felt that the plot design was a bit unscientific. Although it is a good scene that warms up emotions, but... Hey, Xiao Huang, are you a little too... Are you so emotional just looking at the heroine? This is not scientific, huh? ! Unless it's love at first sight from the beginning, this is absolutely unscientific! If you don't treat the other person as a goddess, it's absolutely unscientific! But an artist like Xiao Huang will not be easily attracted to a female protagonist who has nothing that I think is outstanding so far. So I have some doubts. Putting aside this unnatural point, the development of the emotional line is quite interesting. By the middle stage, the author's writing style has become somewhat mature, and it can be seen that he still loves the article ^^. He must continue to love him so much. Finally, analyze the data. The data is not very good for V articles. Starting from Chapter 21, the number of clicks dropped sharply by about 200. Of course, this is probably the reason why there was a sudden increase in clicks after an H extra chapter appeared. The one with the highest number of clicks in the middle and later stages was around Chapter 21. Xiao Huang's lover appeared, which gave the heroine who had just revealed his feelings a big blow and made her more sure of her heart. This design is very good, and the contradictions in the incident are more sharp and interesting than before. Although the girl's novel is very fast-paced, most of it is about daily interactions. It is better to add more small stories and finally have a perfect ending, the effect will definitely be better!

Damn, Akashi's Rakuzan is in Kyoto, not Tokyo

I will be the first one to leave a message after becoming a V~~ The way Xiao Hongye treats Xiao Kise is like a large dog 2333 Is it Qingtao?

What a cute article! However, it is recommended to add some description of the environment and only write about the characters, which seems rather blunt.

How many artists today would bet on their careers just because they love their loved ones?

I have to review, so I haven't been working hard recently. Sorry, but Jingzi fights, come on.

Urgent update! Reminder...

Yellow-haired dog, have a good journey. I will forget you