[Reborn!] A Thread of Smoke

According to Gu Liang's requirements, the review mainly starts from the characters, plot, and language. Let's talk about the characters first. Guliang himself mentioned it in the author has something to say. Some people say that Tsunayoshi's writing collapsed. In fact, Mouguang also felt like he was "broken" when he saw him hugging Cullom. Guliang is right, ten years can change a lot of people, but short stories are difficult to control and explain clearly, and 27 is an official story, so it feels inconsistent to see it this way. This can also be said to be a shortcoming of the length, as many things are difficult to explain clearly. As for Cullom, her role in the original work is not too big, so it doesn't look bad. What's more, this article focuses on describing her psychology. Combined with the plot of her kissing Gang in the original work, it is still understandable. However, when I first saw the CP, I thought it would be a failure. After all, the title is sad, and the CP is also cold. The plot is the same, there is no conflict with the timeline of the original work, and it is better grasped, although the theme of fireworks is somewhat overused. Maybe the phrase "we'll watch the fireworks together next year" is more suitable for 2759? I saw Gu Liang saying that BG and BL are both compatible, so I said it without hesitation. Talking about the language, there are generally no problems. The text is relatively smooth, but bugs appear occasionally. For example, the "like" in the sentence "Like Sawada Tsunayoshi Vongola's tenth generation swears an oath" is obviously a bug, and this sentence also appears once in the author has something to say. The wording seems to lack something eye-catching. For example, fireworks are the clue of this article. Logically speaking, they should be more eye-catching, but the description of Gang and Cullom watching the fireworks together is not vivid. It can be said that the description of the scenery is relatively lacking. What is worthy of praise is that Guliang's layout is very comfortable to look at, and the use of short sentences is also relatively appropriate. In terms of wording, I feel that Guliang still needs to think about the words. It would be better if it was more refined. I won't make a long review of this short story, it's just one family's opinion.

What a cute article! Kurom is a cute creature (>^ω^

Hello, author! This is Shuina. This is my first time writing a long review of a short story. I have no experience and may always ramble. Please bear with me~ Because I am the protagonist, most of the 27 (to be exaggerated, you can say everything) CP can accept it, BG and BL are both ~ so I was very surprised when I saw 2796 written in the remarks! I used to look for articles about this couple, but I didn't see the type I wanted. I wonder if they are available now... Pfft, okay, I'm going too far. What I want to express is that this couple is very loving! "Fireworks" is a good subject. Since the target of 27 in the original work is a loyal dog boy, most of this meme appears in all articles or 5927 articles. I think the author's use in this article should be very innovative, and the background music is very nice, and it is very atmospheric in terms of melody and feeling. However, those who have never heard it may feel that the lyrics have no sense of substitution? [Laughs Integrating the lyrics of the topic into a short article is one of the common techniques, so the song and lyrics selected must be suitable. The opening paragraph is good. I personally think it's because of Cullom's unrequited love (from her point of view) and the feeling of being alone. Waiting for unknown love, bond, or promised promise? For a short story, I think it might be better to insert three paragraphs of lyrics, the beginning, the end, and a certain turning point or a strong emotional part in the middle - in this article, I think it should be inserted in the agreed part, or the part where 27 is thought to be dead - Then I looked through the lyrics of "Fireworks Easily Cold" and felt that the lyrics probably didn't fit the title. It's a pity that although the song is nice and the emotion is suitable, there is no similarity in content, so the author probably can only write it like this. I think the author probably wanted to integrate this song into the background. The whole article is closely centered around fireworks and promises (he keeps pointing out the topic haha). This is already very good. Maybe choose a more suitable song next time? But I think it's okay to put it in the copy here. From a structural point of view, the plot of the story is well arranged. The topic sentence is introduced at the beginning, and then the memories are naturally substituted. Tsuna's words come out... Well, good. Throughout the story, the emotions of Cullom's monologue are also appropriately grasped, and the performance is very natural - in line with the personality of the original character, but I think Cullom will be bolder ten years later? I hope Tsunayoshi doesn't die, so I didn't say this directly, but mentioned the agreement - a very subtle but also very straightforward emotional expression. I think Tsunayoshi not only understands, but also should understand her feelings, right? At this point, I couldn't help but say - since I would take the initiative to drag Cullom out to set off fireworks alone, I think it's a bit of a joke! It was definitely not because he felt lonely when he saw her alone that as a leader, he fulfilled his duty to care for his subordinates. Absolutely not! Okay, let's finally talk about writing. Personally, I feel that the overall feeling is pretty good. As for the details... I am not very good at analyzing. I can only point out some places I saw and talk about my personal thoughts? For example, "It's even a little scary." This sentence sounds a little weird. The tone of "fearful" and "even" is strong, but adding "somewhat makes people" becomes weird. Or it can be changed to "It even scares many people?" Ahem, of course this is a personal feeling. As for other places, I suggest that the author read it several times after writing it. Although some places are not fluent, they can be modified to make it more comfortable, such as the wording and sentence structure. Overall, this article is beautiful, and the ending is also very good – it's really great if it's not BE! As long as it is BE, I will never stand QAQ. So, that's it, shall we? I hope the author can write better and more loving fan fiction!